Why You Should Boycott Perfection
You know Miss Perfect. She dresses impeccably, not a hair out of place, when she drives her perfect kids to a perfect school. She volunteers there several days a week, holds down a perfect full time job, and always has dinner on the table when her perfect husband gets home from work. Her perfect dog sits quietly in her perfect purse. She sends out darling Christmas cards with pictures of her perfect family, every year, on time.
Perfection is her legacy, so nothing that matters ever happens.
Now meet me. I’m probably more like most of the people you know. You would never notice what I wear. When I volunteer at my daughter’s school, I never get dinner on the table. Our family hasn’t sent a Christmas card out in three years, but keep meaning to! My dog is a cross between Marmaduke and Scooby Doo and has destroyed most of my carpeting running away from our crazy cats every day. My life is far from perfect and I couldn’t have wished for anything better.
10 Reasons to Boycott Perfection
- Perfect people are boring.
- Perfect people are tired.
- Perfect people are anxiety ridden.
- Perfect people are passionless.
- Perfect people are obsessive.
- Perfect people are not spontaneous.
- Perfect people are too precise to be forgiving.
- Perfect people are too exhausted to be grateful.
- Perfect people are not good with change.
- Perfect people are not perfect.
When perfection is your goal, regardless of what you are doing or being, you miss what you set out to do, or be in the first place.
Six places to boycott perfection
- Art In writing, photography or anything you are producing creatively, perfection will slow you down or even stop you from sharing your work. Make it good, but boycott perfection.
- Body Nothing you do will give you a perfect body until you learn to love what you have. Sure, you can firm things up, but in most cases, what you see is what you get. Keep your body healthy, but boycott perfection.
- Diet You might be eating lean for the perfect body, so now that you’ve given that dream up, eat to nourish. Eat for pleasure. If you overeat, move on and move more. Pay attention to what you eat, but boycott perfection.
- Blog If you are waiting for the perfect time to launch a blog, or take your blog to the next level, it might never happen. So what if you don’t have 50 posts waiting in the wings. So what if you don’t know what a widget is. Ask for help, join a club, just start.
- Parenting Attempting to parent perfectly screws kids up. You aren’t perfect and no matter what you do, your kids won’t be perfect either. Love and protect them. Forgive them and teach them. Raise them up to contribute to the world. Then, love them some more.
- Life If you are waiting until things are perfect to make your next big move in life, I am here to tell you, that the perfect time is now. You might have some planning to do. You might have to pay off debt first, or find a new job, or take time to create a Smalltopia. Whatever it is that is standing between you and living the life you’ve been dreaming about, take care of it. It doesn’t have to be pretty or fast, but make it soon.
There is no perfection in minimalism
If the minimalist lifestyle of living with less appeals to you, do it your way. Some would have you believe that if you don’t live like them, you’re an idiot. Because I don’t think you’re an idiot, I don’t need to remind you that this is your life. It is going to look different than mine. While I hope I can offer inspiration and a glimpse into minimalism, I won’t be disappointed if you take away what works for you and leave the rest.
Maybe Dusti Arab of Minimalist Adventures, or Mike Donghia from Art of Minimalism can offer some useful suggestions. Maybe Rachel from The Minimalist Mom speaks more to your lifestyle. It’s not reasonable to measure the success of your life and how you choose to live it by comparing it to anyone else.
Instead of looking for exactness and perfection, look for inspiration.
I have a great yoga teacher who sends a newsletter out each week with a theme for yoga classes and life in general. My favorite message to date was last week when he quoted a Leonard Cohen Song:
“Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything,
That’s how the light gets in.”
Without perfection, you can still do great work, have good hair days, and really enjoy and be grateful for your life. The only difference is, you might do it faster, be less critical of yourself and others, and offer something meaningful to yourself, your family and the world. Challenge yourself to find the beauty in imperfection.
My message to you is…boycott perfection. Forget about being the best. Forget about the competition. Let go, and let the light in.
When does perfection get in your way and how can you let it go? What would you do today if it didn’t have to be perfect?
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to Be More with Less & share on twitter.
74 Responses to “Why You Should Boycott Perfection”
Comments
Read below or add a comment...
please comment
subscribe your way:
-
Awesome post! In particular; ‘If you are waiting until things are perfect to make your next big move in life, I am here to tell you, that the perfect time is now.’
Too often I hear people, myself included, waiting for some moment to appear where they can finally commit to something. I grew up hearing ‘when I lose 20lb’, ‘when I pay off that credit card’ and ‘when I get organized’ then I’ll do or be what I’m dreaming of. But life is happening and when you wait for perfection you miss it.
Thanks for a great Monday post full of inspiration!
Katy, Glad you enjoyed this post. The funny thing is whenever “when…” happens, nothing else has changed, except that time has passed.
Hey Courtney -
Love this post. I think it resonated with me because I’ve recently had a “perfectionist epiphany” myself. Specifically in my writing life. I’ve always tried to make a blog post as perfect as it could be before hitting the publish button. It ended up causing me to spend hours and hours on a single post before pushing anything out. Similarly, while trying to put together an eBook I’ve found myself continually reworking the outline and doubting the content of what I’m writing.
I finally hit the point where I realized nothing is ever going to be perfect, and it’s so much more productive to try something and fail, than to rework something to complete perfection before moving on.
I now have two phrases written on the whiteboard of my office: “Keep moving forward” and “Perfection is the enemy.” Those two sentences have gotten me through a lot of rough mornings while writing.
I’m now a firm believer in the fact that when we give ourselves permission to make mistakes, so much more can be accomplished.
Great post as always.
Thanks Steve, I think many bloggers and writers get caught up in that and spend more time obsessing over punctuation instead of getting the word out. I typically write a post one day, and review it the next day with fresh eyes. I do watch for errors, but don’t strive for perfection. As long as my imperfections don’t get in the way of the message…mission accomplished.
So important! I waited so long to start my blog because I wanted to build the perfect website and have all those posts waiting in the wings and finally I just couldn’t stand it anymore and had to start it. My website isn’t the fanciest, but whatever. It’s a platform not a decoration. I don’t always remember to spellcheck before I post, but whatever, you get the point and I can fix it later when I catch it. We’re always in a state of change so striving for perfection is just silly because everything could change tomorrow and take away whatever perfection we acheived today.
Chase, I started this blog way before most thought I should. I didn’t have any technical knowledge, I designed my original logo myself (and you could tell!), but I couldn’t wait. I had important things to write about. 7 months later, I am so glad I got started when I did!
Thanks for the shout out, Courtney.
Great post. As my mom always said, who wants to be normal? Normal is boring. My fifteen year old self yearned to be normal. Thirty-two (almost three) year old me agrees that normal is boring.
I’ve also learned over the years that the Perfects are always hiding something. Usually something dark that we would never wish on anyone.
Rachel, Now you’ve got me thinking about what “The Perfects” are hiding.
Actually, I think it has to be exhausting to be perfect, or normal for that matter.
Courtney, I love how you mention there is no perfection in minimalism. Sometimes, people confuse the ends as our ultimate goal, as if there is an ideal number we’re aiming at to live with (e.g., 100 things or less).
But it’s the process we’re focused on (or at least, should be mindful of). It’s not necessarily the end product. It is the person we are becoming through living a more simple life and the extraordinary life we can have because of it that is the worthy endeavor and reward in and of itself.
Thanks Nina, While the number games can help move us to the right mindset, you are so right! It’s the process, the journey. Looking forward to your video tomorrow!
Love this list. As a food blogger, I often read other food blogs to get ideas about recipes, and to see what’s common among other cooks. But I also find that so many food bloggers seem to photograph perfect looking meals, while I think my foods look more realistic and good, but not perfect. (I have thought about how many food bloggers are recovering from eating disorders, another perfection-driven obsession, which may partially explain this phenomenon.) At any rate, I’m glad to see you write about perfection – life’s too short to worry so much.
Lisa, I love beautiful food photography, but my food never looks like that food!
Thank you, that was a pleasure to read and made me take a deep breath. Thats something you should always remember when you come to that terrible “I have to be perfect” thing. I am a goldsmith in southern germany, in 4 days I will have my christmas exhibition and there is always a lot of work to do. I will remember Boycott Perfection when Im stressed. So thank you.
Tobias, I just jumped over to your website, and your jewelry is beautiful. Good luck with your exhibition!
Guilty.
Perfection is something I struggle with, as I tend to get obsessive about details and insistent on making everything as perfect as it can be. Thank you for the reminder to let go and just *breathe* a little bit — the world will keep turning, at the end of the day, and my life will go on regardless of how ‘perfectly’ I’m trying to live.
I also really enjoyed the last point you made — the idea that there is no perfection in minimalism. That’s an important point, I think, and a great reminder that everyone doling out advice on the Internet isn’t somehow better than the average person. We’re all trying to live better, one way or the other, and bloggers are no different.
Matt, As bloggers I think we can sometimes come across as if our lifestyle is better than another but we are all learning, changing and growing together. Once that stops…it’s all over!
Great post, thanks. I love love that Leonard Cohen song. Perfectionism attacks me mainly through my craft, writing, and it paralyzes me. Repeat: There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.
Let the light in! Where are you publishing your work?
I really appreciated the diet comment. Particularly, “If you overeat, move on and move more.” This is probably what I give myself the hardest time on, is overeating. I just need to move on and move more as you said. I eat well, my body is healthy, but I could of course “move more.” Thank you for the light hearted reminder.
(Ps. “Idiot”-blogger-man to use his word, always makes me feel terrible about myself. Thank you for not thinking I’m an idiot. Even if I am, you don’t know, and I doubt you would be a person to tell me over the internet anyhow.)
Kristy, I highly doubt that you are an idiot. Don’t let anyone make you feel terrible about yourself, especially when you haven’t done anything terrible!
No, I don’t think I’m an idiot. I can see how the way I wrote it maybe seems as though I think that about myself. I was just saying, if I were, I don’t need/want a blogger to tell me so. And also that I appreciate that you give your readers the opportunity to be more, not already nothing.
Hi Courtney,
I’m sure this post is going to resonate for many people! I can really relate to several of the 10 reasons for boycotting perfection, that’s for sure. Thanks for helping us find freedom!
Sandra, Thanks for your comment. Hopefully I can save a few people from either feeling bad about not measuring up to perfectionism or from constantly going after it like it means something. It clearly does not. Boycotting Perfection = Freedom! I like it.
Perfect … or not. Love your vibe, your passion and your embracing of imperfection in all it’s glory. And the Cohen quote about cracks letting the light in, that’s so great. Go Courtney!
Thanks Katie! I love Leonard Cohen’s music and poetry.
In truth, there’s nothing to do or not to do. Rather, the question comes down to what point I decide what I stand for, what I’m going for, and whether I decide if it really matters, and how much…
it really does help to forget about being the best, and forget about the competition, but the final compass comes down to what your (and my) heart is calling for.
getting clear enough to listen to the heart, and then act on it, that will always be the greatest challenge.
Satya, That’s what simplifying does for me. It gets me clear enough to listen to my heart. Thanks for verbalizing that.
Courtney,
You and I think SO much alike! Perfectionism is something I fight all the time and “perfect” people drive me nuts! Of course, my logical part of my brain says they probably do have some skeletons hiding in their closet, but to see them in their life can sometimes make me crazy! I much prefer people to be real. That is what I try to get across on my blog, is that is okay to be real. If more of us would be real, then more of us would feel less pressure and anxiety to keep up!
Great post!
Bernice
http://livingthebalancedlife.com/2010/afraid-to-let-people-in/
Bernice, It all starts with you. Instead of fighting perfection, just let it go and see what happens! The more real you are, the more real others will become. Thanks for your comment.
YES!!! (to the whole blog!!)
xoxo
That’s cute
xoxo – a few for you too!
So true! If I tried to live perfectly, I’d be insane!
Diva – me too!
Courtney, thank you SO much for calling out Mr. Bogue for his judgemental, “you’re a corporate/conformist/zombie idiot for driving/buying anything/watching a TV program” mentality. (The consistently rude us vs. them rhetoric on his blog finally drove me away.) I agree with you 100% – do it your own way, make it meaningful, and don’t worry about reaching the “perfect” state of minimalism. Thanks for your honesty and effort – you’re an inspiration!
Liza,
In conversations and interactions that I’ve had with Mr. Bogue, I think he is likely much more gentle and kind in real life. His writing style speaks to a lot of readers, and his harsh words may be motivating to some. If nothing else, he stirs people up and they talk about him and his message. His ebooks are great, but I think there are different levels and different approaches to minimalism. He says “all or nothing” and I say, “it’s your life, you choose how you want to live it and how you are going to get there”.
I think it might be challenging for someone without a family (spouse, children) to really understand that big change takes time and being an extremist is not always in the best interest of a family.
With all that said, I think Ev is changing the landscape of the 20 somethings and having even bigger reach than that. It takes all of us to make a difference. Glad my message resonates with you and hope you will be back for more!
Thanks for responding, Courtney! I do agree that EB has lots of great stuff to share – his eBooks are fantastic – but the extremism reminds me so much of my own early-20s bombastic judgementality, such a turn-off for the current (married with kid, attached to one place, home-owning) me.
It does take all of us to make a difference, though – and I love the idea of a slightly younger generation turning away from debt, rampant materialism, and settling into the depressed, cynical 40-hour work week.
Yep, I’ll definitely be back for more… x
I love that readers of this blog are so brilliant and open minded.
As always, Courtney, brilliant…thank you.
“Too exhausted to be grateful”–wow, that really resonated with me late in the afternoon of a busy day. So many of us not-even-close-to-perfectionist-types are too often too exhausted to be grateful. Slow down, make white space, be thankful. Yes! Amazing.
Out…of…the…park.
Thanks again!
T.C.
T.C. – Thanks for your great feedback. You are so right. Even non perfectionists are exhausted!
Perfection can make you soulless — especially in minimalism. What are we without our flaws? How do we achieve anything if we’re perfect already? If you are a perfect minimalist, you have nothing left to lose and you have nothing left to teach; All you can do is preach about how wonderful it is on the other side of stuff. It’s useful, inspiring stuff, but it can be hard to relate to for anyone wanting to join you over there.
I don’t think anyone is a perfect minimalist — thank goodness.
Good point Carwin.
Once we have nothing left to lose (or learn), we have nothing left to teach. Let’s make the other side appealing and interesting!
I am a minimalist and I have just one messy, messy closet of stuff. It’s far from perfect, but it makes me happy. Giving yourself permission for imperfection is one of the most important things a person can do, sometimes.
Lena, What kind of stuff is in the messy closet? Clothes? Just curious!
Clothes, stationary/desk/writing stuff, and a few games. I have a few items in the kitchen and bathroom, too, just the usual stuff, but that’s shared space so it’s much less messy.
I have a friend who is a lot of the things you mentioned when it comes to perfection. The thing I never understood even while in high school, was why? It seems that a lot of mainstream media tries to create these perfect pictures to make us feel bad about our flaws. However the flaws are what make things interesting, as an artist who just got out of art school I learned to appreciate flaws. Sure you may have to compromise and it may not be EXACTLY the way you want, but chances are no one will ever notice.
Everett may be extreme sometimes, but sometimes that is what people need a smack to the face in order to get them going. He reminds me a bit of a psychology teacher I had in high school who was against the “self-esteem movement”. I think both of you have it right, sometimes you need to be all out extremist and tell it like it is, and sometimes people just need the support and encouragement of others.
Alexandra – just clicked over to your site. Is the header your art? It is really beautiful. Thanks for this thoughtful comment. I think there is room for all of us out there moving towards a life of less stuff and more goodness.
Yeah it is, thank you for the complement. It’s actually something that would fit into the topic of perfection because it came out differently than I had imagined it in my head but I settled for what it is now and I still love it.
Thanks for the mention, Courtney! I hope I can offer a few useful suggestions, anyway. I’ve gotten past striving for perfection, but I do work for pretty goddamn good, which is why I am a huge fan of Everett’s. :p
If some people don’t hate you, you are probably doing something wrong.
Dusti, I have learned so much from Ev and he introduced me to Yoga To The People (love him for that). That being said, I have to disagree with “If some people don’t hate you, you are probably doing something wrong.”
Yes, I think you will disagree with people, but hating them for a message seems like a waste of energy. I don’t think you have to be controversial or irritate people to get results, make connections and make a difference.
PS..Loving your new ebook. Almost finished!
One of my favorite books (The Great Crossover by Dan Sullivan, Babs Smith, Michel Neray) has a chapter titled “Focus on Progress and Forget About Perfection.” And I love that shift in perspective from perfection to progress. Because focusing on progress empowers while focusing on perfection tends to disempower and leave us perpetually frustrated with perfection always just out of reach.
Which leads to the question–what does progress look like within minimalism? The drive to a lower and lower number of possessions doesn’t necessarily strike me as the most uplifting and empowering marker of minimalist progress.
Great conversation here–thanks for kickstarting it, Courtney!
Matt, You’ve got me thinking! I will be looking for that book – sounds great. I think you’re right. While clearing out the stuff and the extra is part of the process, the focus in minimalism needs to be on what is most important to you. Once you clear the “clutter” you have the resources (time, energy…) to pay attention to what matters. That looks different for everyone, but the process is similar.
Thank you for not calling people “idiots.” I like your positive reinforcement approach on Twitter (“She gets it!”). Being positive makes people want to follow you. Although I like some of Everett’s ideas, it’s too much like being in an abusive relationship, so I don’t read him much anymore.
I’ll be starting my own minimalist blog in January because I want to contribute to the conversation, too.
Christy, Keep me posted on your new minimalist blog. Happy to help if I can!
Spot on Courtney! I personally don’t think perfection actually exists accept in people’s minds. Witness the opinion that the 4 minute mile could not be achieved as the human body could not reach beyond that perfect point. Result: Roger Bannister beats it and now thousands have.
Also in 1899 the US Patent Office released news that it was to close down as everything that could possibly be invented had already been invented!!!
Perfection is a mental trick, pleasure and not worrying about it is an emotional treat. Forget perfection it’s not real.
John, Thank you. I definitely prefer treats over tricks!
I agree 100%. Photography changed the medium of art. No longer regulated to stiff formal portraits to capture real-life, suddenly art was about capturing art how we FEEL it. Heightening emotions, exaggerating details. I can’t stand rigid art. I can’t stand a rigid life. I’ve never been a type who longed for or chased for “perfection”.
And I don’t regret just launching my blog without much planning. It was another year before I took it seriously and started to really use it and market it, but just getting started and doing the routine was important.
A lot of the principles are still used today that where founded in art before photographs. If anything photography allowed us to be more experimental with art since it did the job of taking realistic captures for us. Although in this day in age you can create almost anything and pass it off as “real”. The only real rigid art I’ve ever looked at is stuff that is traced/copied.
Courtney, this is one of the most “important” blog posts I’ve ever read. I wish everyone could read it. That’s all I’m going to say — you said everything that needed to be said!
Thanks Jean!
Completely agree! I recently wrote a blog post along the same lines titled “I Am Not Perfect.” As a recovering perfectionist (struggling with anxiety), I cannot emphasize this enough. There is no such thing as perfect and you’ll go to your grave trying to get to this mythical state if you’re not careful. Thanks for raising the issue.
Tabita, Thanks for your feedback. Can’t wait to check out “I Am Not Perfect”
I’m another recovering perfectionist. The amount of energy and anxiety perfectionism has cost me is huge!
I studied upholstery and was working on the bottom of a chair in class. I struggled and struggled to get a wrinkle out (on the bottom, where nobody looked) until my teacher told me, “if you can’t see it from the back of a galloping horse, its good enough”. Scary thought with regard to quality upholstery perhaps but good life advice. Now when I’m getting too caught up with something, a friend will remind me “galloping horses!” and I ease off. Thanks for the great post.
You brought a tear to my eye! My dear mother-in-law used to tell this recovering perfectionist, “It’ll never be noticed on a galloping horse.”
I’ve never heard that! I can see I am going to be using the phrase “galloping horses” moving forward.
This post just stays so fresh for me. I need to have it bookmarked. It really helped me out again this morning, so I shared it on FB, because I think lots of people can benefit.
Thanks for spreading the word Dana!
This could be my favorite blog post…ever! I feel like it’s the type of post I will come back to many times, especially when I need a reminder that I am fine with the way I am NOW.
Erin, Wow! Thank you. I am so glad this post spoke to you.