Simple Marriage and The Importance of Love
Successful marriages seem rare in today’s crazy world.
The statistics are grim and the stories of break-up and divorce are harsh.
I’ve always had the mentality that love is not enough to sustain a “til death do us part” relationship, and while that may be true, without love, there is nothing.
- Love may not solve an argument, but love gives you the patience to work through it.
- Love may not ensure that you are always right, but love gives you the perspective to understand that being right isn’t important.
- Love won’t stop you from saying hurtful things, but love demands a heart felt apology.
- Love doesn’t make you less annoyed by the little things, but love will help you focus on what really matters.
- Love doesn’t protect you from getting hurt, but love allows forgiveness.
Mark and I will be celebrating our 6th Wedding Anniversary this Saturday and we’ve had several happily married couples to look up to on our journey. My sister and her husband are celebrating their 17th anniversary this Sunday and my parents have been married for 43 years. Kellie, my best friend from college has been married for 16 years. My good friend Heidi, who designed my e-book has been married for 19 years.
My married friends remind me that love is important when it comes to a happy marriage.
Many of my blogger friends have been happily married for years, and while they don’t write specifically about marriage, you can strengthen your marriage by surrounding yourself with these happily married people…
- Tess Marshall
- Joshua Becker
- Dave Bruno
- Tammy Strobel
- Rachel Jonat
- Leo Babauta
- Katie Tallo
- Melissa Gorzelanczyk
Their blogs aren’t about marriage, but they are full of love. They often mention their spouses or marriage, or love and kindness. They are loving people and they think about their relationships. They prove that that the success of marriage is directly related to the thought, time and attention given to the relationship. I know that sounds obvious, but sometimes it’s easy to put other things first.
We hear more in the media about divorce and destruction, but I am happy to report that the institution of marriage is alive and well for many. Some of the key ingredients to a successful marriage are very similar to the the ingredients for a happy life.
- Gratitude. It’s easy to take the little things for granted, but thanking your spouse for taking the trash out, making dinner and other daily activities is so important.
- Happiness. A strong relationship needs happiness and sometimes with the hustle and bustle of life, you have to fight for that.
- Selflessness. If everyday, you think about how to make your spouse’s day a little brighter, you will become naturally more supportive, more giving and more loving.
- Date Night. Take time for each other. This might be a challenge if you have young children, but figure it out.
- Common Goals. You don’t have to like all the same things, but you do need to work on your future together.
I didn’t include love on the list because it is the glue that holds all of these things together. Love can’t fix everything, but it will give you the strength to get through anything.
I am not always the best wife, but when I get lost, I think of our marriage and our love in the simplest form. This bible verse was read at our wedding. Because I believe these words, I believe in happily ever after.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Focusing on this verse strengthens my resolve to be a better partner. It shows me that when I act with envy or am easily angered, I’m not acting from a place of love. If I’m not patient or kind, I’m not loving. If I always go back to love, then I cannot fail. I can only protect, trust, hope and persevere.
When Mark I and were married on May 21st, 2005, we danced to this song. This year we promised not to spend any money on gifts.
Mark, for our Anniversary this year, My gift to you is another song that makes me think of you, of us. I love you.
Recommended Reading
- 8 Essentials for a Successful Marriage by Joshua Becker
- Simple Marriage by Corey Allan
What do you think is important for a successful relationship?
- Disclaimer #1: I don’t think you have to be legally married to have a successful til death do us part relationship and I honor all loving partnerships.
- Disclaimer #2: I have many wonderful friends who are single and love them just as much as my married friends.
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38 Responses to “Simple Marriage and The Importance of Love”
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Happy anniversary! Neal and I just celebrated our fourth anniversary yesterday. Like you, we don’t exchange gifts; we agreed before our wedding that we would always take the day to be with each other as our way of celebrating.
What is important in making a successful relationship? I always think about the story my mom told me when I asked her what love is. Each night, she washes my dad’s hair in the sink (they are bathers, not shower-ers), and then she washes her own hair. She sets out two hand towels for wrapping wet hair. She puts the nice one on top, so that my dad will use it. After she washes his hair, she reaches for the towel and sees that he has switched them…he has put the nicer one on bottom so SHE will use it.
They will celebrate their 54th anniversary, and I believe that the towel story represents what works well for their successful marriage: care enough about your partner to want him/her to have the best of what you have (I include the best of my personality/behavior in this). Don’t point out that you’re giving them the best, just give it. And be gracious when they return it to you…accept and give with grace!
#1 – The towel story made me cry. It’s a beautiful testament to their love and great lesson for everyone.
#2 – Thanks for starting the comments with a love story. I hope to hear more about love and celebrations in the comments that follow!
Congratulations on your anniversary!!! It’s funny that this post came up now because my husband and I are celebrating our 4th anniversary today. It has not been a perfect 4 years but we have learned how to make it work in the best way possible.
Happy Anniversary Kim. Perfect is boring! Glad the two of you are finding your way. Feel free to borrow either of my love songs above.
Yes, that towel story made my eyes tear up as well. *sigh* So beautiful. My husband and I will celebrate 38 years in June. He is my best friend. Personality-wise we are seemingly on opposite ends of the spectrum, which is both great and tricky at times. But your point about sharing common core values and goals is what makes it work through thick and thin.
Wow Cindy! It must be true that opposites attract. Congrats on 38 years.
Beautiful! I’m with you, Courtney, the towel story made me tear a little as well! I’m such a softie. Wow, lots of 4-year anniversaries coming up, mine as well! On July 19, it will be 4 years for my husband and I. When we first got married a lot of people thought we were crazy. I was one month from turning 18 and he was 20. My mother actually had to “sign” for me to get married since I was not yet 18! When we were purchasing the marriage license, the guy at the counter laughed at us! We thought it was funny though too — I mean, what WERE we thinking with all of the statistics about getting married so young! Well, almost 4 years later, I can say that Jesus has had everything planned out from the beginning, and we were doing exactly as He wanted. We’ve never been happier and more at peace! I look at a lot of my friends from high school who have gotten married recently and I see how broken their marriages are and it just breaks my heart. I really don’t know what a lot of people experience because I’ve had such a great marriage.
What Beverly said about caring “enough about your partner to want him/her to have the best of what you have” is such an important aspect of marriage. Doing something not to be recognized for it or so you’ll get something in return, but just because you love the other person, is the definition of true love.
Stacee, Congrats on beating the odds. What do you think it is about your marriage that makes it work? I’m sure there isn’t one thing, but is there something you’ve got that your high school friends don’t?
Well no it isn’t just one thing, but a couple things off the top of my head would be… the fact that we’re not only “riding on love” like a lot of couples do. We’re still very much in love, but we’ve always been in reality as well. We see each other for who we really are and we see each others needs and try to meet them to the best of our ability. I try to actually tell my husband what I want, instead of making him guess. I praise him when he does things I love and I always thank him for what he does for me.
Something super small (and maybe strange to some!) that he started about 2 years ago…. We both have shower loofahs, and they both hang off of the handle to adjust the water, so one day he just started putting mine in front of his before he’d get out, so mine would be on top and easier to grab. It’s the little things! I’m tellin’ ya, the little things are what really get me and make me feel cared for. I actually didn’t notice for about a week, then I started noticing and putting his on top before I’d get out, and now we do it constantly. Not out of obligation, but because it’s a really small way to serve each other. I guess that I would tell a new couple starting out to always serve each other.
Another thing that I still remember from taking premarital counseling was that our pastor told us that “you always have to give 100% of yourself in marriage. Never just 50% thinking that your spouse will pick up the other 50%. You see, because we don’t always feel like giving 100%, so we need our spouse to pick up the slack sometimes, and vice-versa.” So we’ve learned to always try to give our best so that when one of us doesn’t quite “feel it,” the other can help.
I actually just posted a blog that is kind of relevant to this post: http://lowercaseliving.wordpress.com/2011/05/18/who-knew/
My dad once gave me the the same advice about giving 100% and not 50%. Thanks for the reminder and thanks for sharing some very helpful advice.
Happy Anniversary! I will celebrate 29 years of marriage with my Mark on May 22! We “went steady” for three years before we married. I skipped my junior year of high school and graduated a year early. Got married two days after graduation. My dad predicted we wouldn’t last and there have been times when I probably stayed just to prove my dad wrong
I can say we are more in love now than ever and have begun dating again after having two biological children and adopting four newborns in five years. God has been the glue that has held us together and He has truly blessed our life together. I hope you celebrate many more anniversaries…..us too!
Lisa, 29 years is a big accomplishment and blessing. You said God is the glue. I said love is the glue. Must be true that God is love. Thanks so much for sharing your story.
Happy Anniversary! My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years now, and I think that it helps that we think of ourselves as a “unit.” We’re each individuals and allow each other to have individual lives, but we try to make decisions and act in a way that benefit the unit.
We also don’t exchange gifts on our anniversary. Instead, we spend the day together doing something we’ve never done before, usually exploring our city.
I think a strong marriage is a rare and beautiful thing, and I am grateful for mine every day!!
Go gratitude!
Thanks for the great advice and ideas and way to go with 12 years.
Happy Anniversary Courtney! I loved this post, the music, and photo. You’ve given all of us a gift. We haven’t exchanged gifts for years but this January our 40th I think we’re taking a big trip.
The word I’ve been stuck on lately is ‘softening.’ When I catch myself being moody, grumpy etc. I’ll say, “Oh I forgot…I’m softening;)” It’s working out beautifully.
Softening is a great quality to aspire to! Thanks for sharing Tess. Can’t wait to hear more about your trip. Sounds like a great way to celebrate 40 years.
Hi Courtney! I also believe that the ingredients to a happy relationship and much the same as for a happy life. In my own relationship, I’ve discovered that you can’t be happy with someone else until you’re happy with yourself. Since I have worked a number of things out personally, the connection with my boyfriend has been better than ever and much more fulfilling.
Thanks for the reminder! I’m going to read this to him later
Amanda…let me know what he says. I’d love to hear his point of view!
He agrees ! And thinks coming from a place of love, or more importantly, back TO a place of love is the key to our relationship. We try, for the most part, to fight for the relationship instead of fighting each other. He would add compromise as a key ingredient as well.
No money on gifts thats is sorta crazy! Is it just gifts for each other or for everyone? I wonder how much other things we would be able to do if we stopped spending on gifting.
Justin, We aren’t spending on each other for our anniversary, but have cut way back on gifts all around. I’ve found that what people want most is time and not stuff.
Congratulations to you! My husband and I are celebrating 23 years on May 21! We began our courtship with a blind date two weeks before I was diagnosed with leukemia 26 years ago, and it continued from there. We have been through alot together, and that is what I always go back to when things get tough. “Love doesn’t make you less annoyed with the little things, but love will help you focus on what really matters.” Your post today was just the reminder I needed. Thank you!
Caresse, It sounds like the two of you were working together from the start. Leukemia had to put everything in perspective. I’m proud that we share the same anniversary date. Congrats on 23 years.
Thanks for sharing these wonderful reminders of what’s important. Marriage is tough for sure. My wife and I have been together for 15 years now, we just celebrated our 8th year of marriage last Tuesday, and without LOVE, we wouldn’t have made it this far
Josh! Congrats on 8 years. My husband and I dated a long time before we were married too. I think we were afraid that getting married would change things between us. It did, but in the best possible way.
Wow, what synchronicity Courtney. I’ve been writing about love, thinking about love, and wishing for love of late and now you extol the very virtues of it magically here. It’s oxygen to our spirit and food for our heart and we can never ever do without it. You wonderfully celebrate who long lasting it and strong it can be from day one to year twenty and beyond. Love endures. Long may that continue. Long live love!!!
Long live love! Thanks for that very simple shout out to love John. I’ve been wondering about you and your search for love. You deserve someone wonderful.
Such a beautiful song for you wedding dance!
My husband and I have been married for 30 years at the end of June. We married very young and it has been a struggle, but we love each other dearly and can’t imagine not having one another!
Congrats on your anniversary!
Bernice
Bernice, 30 Years calls for a special celebration. Sometimes I think the struggles make the good times that much sweeter. Congrats!
Happy Anniversary! I gotta agree, the towel story made me go “aw”.
And thank you for the video. It is so sweet that I sent a link of it to my DH (1 yr!) on his facebook as a sweet surprise next time he checks it. I even quoted “wherever you are is where my heart wil be” or something similar because we are going through a forced seperation (stupid finances-working on it) and we are going to have to remind each other of that little fact now and again.
I even sent it to my friends who are getting married next month as a possible first song. Now, off to my cousins wedding this weekend! Such a time of love.
This is absolutely beautiful! I am a firm believer and admirer of love. Congrats on making it to the 6 year mark. That is an accomplishment these days. I also love your song, what great lyrics and quite fitting. I think you really nailed it when you said “Love doesn’t make you less annoyed by the little things, but love will help you focus on what really matters.” I think a good quality relationship is one that supports one another. You have to meet in the middle sometimes. I think that is hard for a lot of us to do. I know it’s hard for me. I can be quite stubborn. I am learning to take some steps back and view the big picture and remember what’s really important and how I can value and support my significant other. I really love this. I am saving this to the love files! Thanks so much for sharing. I hope to be married someday and happy as you!
Well done on 6 years !
My wife and I have been married now for 13 years, and we’re doing well. I agree with all your happy marriage ‘ingredients’ – the date night is the one that we struggle most with, as our kids keep us busy, but we do try to spend time together whenever we can.
There will always be tough times in any relationship, and I believe on of the things that gets you through those times is shared optimism that things will change and work out, if you both just stick with it and keep trying.
Best wishes for the next 6 years and beyond.
-STEVE-
nextstarfish.com
Congratulations!
My favorite goal in life is to always be the best wife I can. I hope someday we make it to someone’s “happily married couples” list. We want people to see that its possible to have a good marriage! I’m so glad there are others like us out there. Thanks for the inspiration.
Hi Courtney,
Happy Anniversary! My husband and I have been married 5 years, and we’ve really packed a lot of big life challenges in that short time. I think you’re so right that gratitude and selflessness are key ingredients for a good marriage. One idea that keeps it real for me: if I think I’m giving it 110% then I’m probably doing just barely enough. Love is the glue, I love that! — thanks so much for this inspiring post :~)
Sue
Hi Courtney
My partner and I loved your artical and all the sentiment within which really echoes our views on marriage.
We are ourselves to be married in September and want to incorporate some of your wise words somehow.
Thanks for all your wise words – not just these!
Hattie_PLU
Congratulations and Happy Anniversary! I wish you a life time of anniversaries to come.
One additional key to a happy marriage that I’ll add to your list….. communication. It’s essential.
Happy, happy day for both of you… and here’s to a lifetime of marriage and many blessings along the way
My honey and I have had 16 incredible years together… though we’ve never made it official and tied the knot. Just like Jason said above, what keeps Patrick and I ticking as a couple is communication. We talk about everything and anything. No secrets, no need for secrets. We’re each others best friends and hey, you can always tell your best friend anything.
Beautiful post Courtney!
I just started reading blogs on minimalism about a week ago. Your’s has quickly become a favorite of mine. Also, big props for the JJ Heller song. She has performed at our church a number of times since her husband’s parents used to attend. Amazing people, she has an amazing voice, and thanks for sharing.