The One Thing Standing Between You and Simplicity
If you crave a simpler life, you can probably list several reasons why you aren’t where you want to be.
The more you think about those reasons, the less you think about simplicity.
It’s time to think less about why not, and more about how to and why you want a simpler life.
The Biggest Obstacles
Debt
This is the #1 reason that people get stuck in jobs they don’t like, and situations they would rather avoid. I know this because I spent my 20′s getting into debt and my 30s getting out of it.
Debt sucks! Lean on experts like Dave Ramsey & Adam Baker to see the light at the end of the debt tunnel. Getting out of debt was one of the hardest, most rewarding thing I’ve ever done, but being in debt does not stand in the way of simplicity.
Disability or Illness
Not feeling well makes everything more challenging. It’s can be easy to focus on your limitations instead of your opportunities. We’ve all suffered from a flu or cold and can recognize how that will slow you down.
Some have even more long term disability. The hardest thing to do is ask for help. Sometimes your greatest strength is admitting weakness and I encourage you to let other people help you.
I have worked through 2-3 months of vertigo and fatigue with MS relapses and a full year of harsh drug side effects. Not feeling well may slow you down but it does not stand in the way of simplicity.
Pressure from family/society
If you can let go of wanting to be like anyone else, and dump the need to justify your decisions to friends and family, your life will become radically different, even if nothing else changes.
We all want to be loved, but our differences make us even more lovable. It’s nice to make everyone around you happy all the time, but this is your life. Not everyone will respect your decision to smash your TV or live a debt free lifestyle, but that pressure from family and society does not stand in the way of simplicity.
Teens and other children
For a long time, and still today, I think my teenager gets in the way of simplicity. In reality, it’s my desire to avoid any major changes in her life. The more I changed, the more I realized how strong she is and how my changes were to her advantage. She doesn’t agree with everything I do, but I’ve yet to meet a teen that thinks her mom is perfect.
Teens and children bring different challenges to the table but they do not stand in the way of simplicity.
Procrastination
Before you start a big project, face change head on or start to work towards a meaningful goal, the easiest and most common first step is to make a sandwich and put step 2 off until tomorrow. There are so many things that can come before the most important thing you need to accomplish. Read The Little Guide to Un-Procrastination and know that procrastination does not stand in the way of simplicity.
Time
I’m busy. You’re busy. The world is busy. How will we find the time to de-clutter and simplify? You will find the time by making it the most important thing you have to do. Remember when you couldn’t find time to exercise, but when you realized that your health depended on it, you found the time. Your health depends on simplifying your life, but figuring out how to find the time to do it does not stand in the way of simplicity.
Mental clarity
The ability to focus in on your goal to live a simpler life is next to impossible if you have too much going on. A cluttered mind can be hard to clear, but with practice it can be done. When you focus on the why, instead of the how, when, where, what, you can calm your mind.
When you know why you are doing something and recognize the benefits, things become more clear. Lack of focus and mental clarity will make your journey less linear, but it will not stand in the way of simplicity.
Each of these obstacles were suggested to me on Twitter, and interestingly enough, I have dealt with each at different times in my life. While they are all things that can stand in the way, one person hit the nail on the head when she said, “The only thing standing between me and a simpler life is me”
Yes! It’s true. The only thing standing between you and simplicity is YOU.
Here is a great example of being confused about what is really standing in the way. I used to think that I couldn’t get any work done because people kept calling or emailing me. The actual reason that I couldn’t get any work done is that I made answering email and phone calls more important that doing good work. I was in my own way.
The fact is that simplicity isn’t what we really want. We want the side effects of simplicity like…
- health
- time
- space
- calm
- confidence
- clarity
- location independence
- world travel
- freedom
What’s interesting is that the things that we think that simplicity will give us are the some of the same things we think are in the way.
Answer the question, “Why do I want a simpler life?” and write down the answers. Now narrow it down to the top three most important reasons. Those are your WHYS.
Whenever you start thinking things are hard, or that you don’t have the time, or clarity, go back to the WHYS. They will fuel you. They will inspire you. They will change you.
Open the door and get out of the way.
Life did not get complicated overnight, and it won’t become simple overnight, but by simplifying something everyday as you work towards a simpler life, you will build momentum. You will find more time, and space and health and all of the tools you need to pay down your debt, eat cleaner food, spend time with your family, create your dream job, live where you want to live or whatever that WHY is for you.
The only thing standing between you and simplicity is you.
What is your top WHY?
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30 Responses to “The One Thing Standing Between You and Simplicity”
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Another “why” is getting the family “bought-in” to a life of simplicity. Kids are definitely a part of it, but getting your spouse to engage a simpler life is essential, too. Love the elements you highlight! Very important to recognize these and then remove them. Thanks! Jon
Good point Jon. Sometimes it takes leading by example before anyone else in the family will buy in, but when they see improvement, they get on board.
Wow! I was nodding my head, yes that’s me to all of those reasons, and of course to the big punch line too — I am the only thing that’s really stopping me. No excuses!!
Sue, I’ve used every excuse I listed, but didn’t recognize them as excuses at the time. I remember when I was so deep in debt thinking, “why not charge something else, I’m already too deep to climb out”. When I made the decision to change though, I could clearly see that I was the only thing in the way.
Right on, Courtney.
Simplifying one’s life is the fourth step in my 12 Step Program to Living Free and I’ll be posting on it next week. I started simplifying my life several years ago. I have a small pile of books on the subject from several authors. Bottom line is that you nailed it. Life is all about choices. Most people spend their early years, like you noted, making choices that complicate life, especially getting into debt. It’s a lot harder to undo those early choices. But, as you said, we can each do it IF we know the WHY and it’s a strong enough motivator. My philosophy is “living free” – as free as we can within the constraints of the societies we reside in. You can’t be free if your life is complicated and you can’t be free if you’re in debt. Like you, I’ve been at it a few years and I’ve never been freer or happier in my life, but I’m still working at simplifying – it’s an ongoing process. BTW, I put a link on my blog to your blog – good stuff, Keep it up.
Enthusiastically,
Ed
Thanks Ed, I look forward to checking out your Living Free program.
Courtney – there is one person that will help us get beyond the excuse of disability & illness. Nick Vujicic has no arms, no legs, and no worries. He travels and gives inspirational talks to children, youth and adults on attitude. Worth checking out his site at http://www.attitudeisaltitude.com/ and a video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE
*sigh* Can I read the “un-procrastination guide” later?
Things have piled up through the years, even though I got the simplicity bug in the early ’90s after reading an article in Women’s Day magazine. (I still have the article!) The frustration just compounds the problem, because I keep thinking I should know better! How does this keep happening? Hope springs eternal, though, and I keep trying.
Thanks for your writing, Courtney!
Kathleen, You do know better! When you desire simplicity over everything else, you’ll put it into action. You might have to start with letting go of the magazine from the 90′s.
Try identifying one thing that will make your life simpler and do that.
“start with letting go of the magazine…” That made me lol!
Of everything you’ve listed, procrastination seems to be my biggest challenge. Of course once I actually make myself do whatever specific task I’ve been putting off, it rarely ends up being as difficult as I’d convinced myself it would.
Mike, I notice the same thing. Actually, it never ends up as challenging or scary or time consuming. If I don’t take action, I’m stuck in wondering “what if” and that drives me crazy!
For me, my biggest why all go together – calm/space/focus. The simpler I try to make my life/my day, the more focused and calm I feel. Of course, I would love word travel too!
I think you make some great points, that we are the only thing standing in our own way. Yes, there is unspoken/spoken pressure from society/friends to make our kids the center of our world and have them in every activity available. I never thought I would fall prey to the numerous extracurricular activities because I like down time too much. But I do find myself being brainwashed into thinking my kids may miss out/fall behind. I don’t want to make decisions based on worry, but want to make them based on values. I working on resisting the temptation, but feel the pull…
Marci, Your kids will be ok. I have felt what you are feeling, and resisted. Even without back to back activities, my daughter is well adjusted, doing good in school, has good friends and now at 15 participates in things that are really meaningful to her.
Lots of wisdom here. I’ve struggled with most of these at one time or another but the mental clarity one is a big one. If you have the focus and mental clarity, it’s easier to overcome the others.
Julie, Sometimes it’s a catch 22. You need to clear the other stuff out for real clarity, but you need the clarity to do it!
Pressure from family is definitely my biggest issue. I also spend my time around people who have a hard time grasping my intended lifestyle (“No T.V.!? Don’t you get bored? A tiny house!? How can you live like that?”). Finally, I resolved to just live my life and show by example. If my family and friends catch on, great! If not, that’s OK. It’s their life. I’m going to take control of mine.
If there’s one thing striving for a simpler life has taught me, it’s that nothing is impossible. It is much easier to do something than you think after changing your perspective!
Great post. It’s great to see all these reasons laid out and what we can do about it.
Long time reader, first time commenter here!
This post was a great reminder for me to refocus on why I want a simpler life which, like you said, will in turn help me keep going with simplifying. My biggest WHYs are because I want to travel and, most of all, enjoy life, which is something I have only recently come to realize is possible. I am loving my newfound sense of calm as I simplify further. Now I just need to keep working to overcome my biggest road block – the dreaded Procrastination.
Cara, Thanks for reading and commenting. The best tool to fight procrastination is awareness followed by prompt action. You can do it…right now!
Time is my #1 why (close runners up being finding a deeper sense of calm and having the freedom to explore life).
I’m realizing life is fast. It’s over in a second, especially if you speed through it and allow it to be cluttered with things and to-do’s. I’m still in my 20s but caught myself already preparing myself to wake up at 40, 50, and so-on based on the pace I’ve chosen. That’s not the life I want!
Thanks for the simple reminder, Courtney. Simplicity is not one-size-fits-all, just like life.
Courtney, this post is great! I really like the distinction you make between those that want a life of simplicity and those who just want the results of a life of simplicity.
taht’s a powerful thought. If we wanted a simple life, we would create it. Instead, I know for myself, that many times I want the results without changing my behaviors. Sadly, that’s not how life works.
One of the obstacles I find is actually getting rid of things. I live in a country where there are no Goodwills, free-cycle or ebay, and I don’t want to just dump stuff. On the one hand there are a lot of needy people I can more easily find here than in the U.S. But some of my stuff that I would like to get rid of (books in English) make it hard to find homes. I would like to second getting rid of the TV. Although we don’t have TV we do watch DVDs about once a week (something we look forward to as a family) And we are NOT bored. Good books, leisurely walks (down to the corner ice-cream place), fun meals together, card games, interesting hobbies and just plain personal down time make filling up any free time not a problem.
Hi Grace (and Courtney),
I live in Brasilia, and we often have drives. Each year I give excess clothes to a guy at work who loves the US-marcas and has the same sizes. We usually give a lot to a women that helps us with cooking and cleaning.
The cool thing about Brazil, I’ve found, is that they don’t need a Goodwill. You can kind of just think of who might find value in things that you don’t need. I mean they make purses from pop-tops and discarded plastic bags!
The school where I teach often has flea-markets and clothing drives. Check-out the American schools–they’re usually privy to this kind of thing.
Best,
Mark
Mark, You are quite right in that there are many outlets…if I can find them. I did manage to give a lot of our children’s English books to an International school. But I still have a lot more that would not fit their criteria. Many of our churches do feiras and ask for used things so I just have to keep an ear open for when and where. I am very thrilled that here in Manaus they now have recycling so a lot of stuff can be shuttled in that direction. I am trying to get my friends in on it as it is a new concept here. I do love the fact that in Brazil people are willing to take what I think is useless and can bring it new life. I really admire the thriftiness and creativity I see constantly. Hey, glad to see another reader from Brazil. I think in many ways it is easier to live more simply here. The pace of life is more even-keeled and relationships are very important. Blessings, Grace
I think people need to make the distinction between simplifying the external circumstances of their lives and simplifying their minds. The first is easy to do, the second is definitely not.
My first attempt at simplification consisted in removing a lot of objects, books, etc, from my bedroom years ago when I lived with my parents. It didn’t work, problems are problems, stress carries on.
I never REALLY experienced simplicity until I left the country, began to hike in the mountains and started to adopt a buddhist-style attitude of letting go of everything, especially my own thoughts, feellings, ego, etc…
That’s the true path to simplicity and serenity, I believe. Letting go of yourself, yet retaining purpose in your life.
I think you may have posted about this already, but I’m going to ask anyway. How old was your daughter when you got rid of the tv, how did you do it, and how did everyone handle that?
Hi Michelle,
My daughter was 14 when we killed the TV. She griped about it, but almost immediately we began spending more time together.