When You are Worried
When I started writing this post, I wanted to give you ways to stop worrying. Then I realized that worrying is awareness and we need to be aware.
While you can worry yourself sick, literally, I think there also healthy ways of worrying and managing worry.
There are different types of worry that we all experience. We worry about natural disasters. We worry about our health and the health of our family. We worry about money, safety, the past and the future.
Sometimes we think our worries are silly, but even the silly worries take our time and attention. The kind of worry that makes us sick is hopeless worry, worry without action.
The following actionable steps will help you use your worries for good, instead of turning them into a sleepless night.
Ways to be un-worried.
- Close the gap between awareness and action. The very best thing you can do to shut down your worry is to be proactive. What can you do to manage the reality of your worry. Worried that you are gaining weight? Go to your freezer and toss the ice cream or go to the store and buy apples. Worried about money? Open a savings account and deposit $10.00. Do something besides ponder your worry.
- Put things in perspective. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2006. One of the symptoms of MS is Optic Neuritis which can cause double vision or blindness. Every morning for three months after my diagnosis, I worried. Just before I opened my eyes after waking, I worried that I wouldn’t be able to see. I never lost my vision, but when I worry, I compare my thoughts to how I felt then. It takes away the power of my worries. Don’t compare your worries to mine, but think back to something that really shook your soul, and put your worries in check.
- Prove your worry wrong. You might worry that will get bad grades or fail at work. Remind yourself of your history and ability. I’ve worried that I won’t be able to write something meaningful. To prove that worry wrong, I read your comments. Sometimes I worry that I haven’t taught my daughter enough, or that she isn’t listening to me and then I see the person that she has become.
- Give your worry away. If you cannot take action that will make you un-worried, maybe there is someone that can. If you are worried about the health of a loved one, let them know, so they can take action. If you are worried about something too big to handle, give it to God. You don’t have to take care of everything.
- Get distracted. When a worry crosses your mind that you aren’t ready to handle, write it down and do something else. Calm down, soothe your soul and come back to it when you are ready. Don’t mull it over, chew on it and please, don’t sleep on it. That is a lost night of sleep you can never get back.
- Don’t confuse worry with something else. Sometimes worry isn’t worry at all. It might be sadness, anger or annoyance. When I read about the Earthquake in Japan, I thought I was worried for days. As it turns out, I was sad, deeply sad for so much loss.
- Identify the worst. A great question to ask when you are worried, is “If my worry becomes reality, what is the worst thing that will happen?” Take it a step further. Ask yourself if the worst thing happens, how will it affect your life today, tomorrow and in 5 years. Chances are it will be long forgotten in 5 years. The answers may not be as bad as you thought, and if they are, articulating them will let you close the gap between action and awareness.
In Tammy Strobel’s last letter.ly, she talked about emergency preparedness in the way of food storage and what that will look like in her tiny house, along with her way of handling worry. It made me think about all other ways we can be prepared to stave off worry.
- Worried about health? Eat well.
- Worried about money, Save some.
- Worried about your relationships? Work on them.
If these suggestions are not helpful, or if your worry turns to anxiety, it might help to talk with a professional. How to know if you should worry about your worrying…
- Worry paralyzes you.
- Worry keeps you up at night, every night.
- Worry is hurting your relationships.
- Worry makes you sick.
In my experience, the scary things that happen to us aren’t the things that we devote so much time worrying about. A good friend of mine used to say, “Worrying is like borrowing trouble.” What she meant is that when you worry about something that hasn’t happened, you still experience it to a certain degree, by just thinking about it. When worry comes your way, handle it, don’t live in it. Everything will be ok.
What do you worry about? What were you worried about this time last year?
If you read Friday’s post, Redefine Your Lovely Life, I’d encourage you to visit again and read the comments. They are amazingly moving.
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Courtney, I’ve been worried about my weight lately. Today, I started the day by throwing out anything unhealthy in my cupboards and soon I’m off to my favourite health food store to buy some of those apples you speak of. Yum. I’m feeling weightless with your encouragement to simply let worry be and take action. Thank you for linking to my sharing post. That’s what it’s there for. And yes, I too feel a collaboration brewing. Double yum.
Katie, Spring is right around the corner (I say optimistically looking at all the new snow in my backyard) and soon fresh fruits and veggies will be center stage. The more salty, sugary foods I eat, the more I want and likewise, the more fresh foods I eat, the more I want. After the transition, momentum takes over.
This is such a timely post. Thank you, Courtney.
I’ve been finding my conversations with friends and family have revolved lately about all of the troubles of the world, which never felts ease worry and anxiety. I’ve been worried a lot lately about all kinds of pains in my muscles and tendons in my legs, since I just signed up to run a half marathon in the fall. It’s probably just soreness, but as I work towards running farther than I ever have before, I’d hate to get sidelined.
However, staying calm and keeping in mind all of the goodness in my life makes the worry easy.
Lisa, Sounds like a massage will relieve your worries in more ways than one! That’s my prescription for your worry!
Hey Courtney-
Though I have been able to take action when worry exists, I have never taken a step back and analyzed the impact of bringing worry and action as close together as possible. In other words, I wish I would have realized this long ago and been able to help others see the same.
One way that I reduce worry and implement action is by doing my best to recognize when I am worrying and STOPPING. I follow that by asking myself what can I do to resolve this issue/problem/worry. The sooner I realize I am worrying, the sooner I find a resolution.Howeve, I realize that it can be a challenge to actually realize one is worrying.
I liked how this article addressed a general aspect of life rather than a specific example. Great writing and action steps as usual Courtney.
David Damron
Life Excursion
P.S. Destination X worksheet for your readers coming soon…..woohoo
David, I’m excited to see what you have brewing. You are so right about recognizing worry. Awareness is so important. It all goes back to clearing the physical and mental clutter so you have the time and space to actually know what’s going on. Sometimes, things going on in our bodies and minds are overlooked and unrecognized because we didn’t have time to pay attention.
You know, I’ve been in therapy for three and a half years (narrowly your “give your worry away” tip) but all that guy does is listen. In fact, my husband claims therapy is making me worse. You’re exactly right, proactive is the way to cope, even if it’s something minimal – at least you’re doing SOMETHING and not wallowing! Thank you, thank you, thank you. It feels like you wrote this just for me.
Debbye, I am not a medical professional and don’t know your situation so take my comment for what it’s worth…
If your husband seriously claims therapy is making you worse and you think all your therapist does is listen, move on. It may be that the therapist is making you worse and not therapy, but a change is in order. I would highly recommend and new therapist or another direction completely.
Glad this post could help.
Reading this post made something really clear for me. And that is – what I worry about most is letting other people down.
What makes it worse is when I’m in situation trying to please more than one person at once, and whichever decision I make, one of them will (in my eyes) feel let down. So I keep trying to juggle the plates and please both, getting ever more frustrated and worrying more myself.
It sounds counter intuitive but maybe if I spent more time being selfish and just doing what I knew I needed to do, then others would accept and adapt (or not) as necessary, and we’d all just get on with our lives. I cannot change others or their reactions, I can only try to do what I think is best. And save a lot of worry!
Does that make sense or just sound incredibly self centred??
Dan, If you are making decisions that are smart and helpful, you have to be happy with that. You can’t please everyone every time, but if you are consistent and thoughtful with your choices most will respect that. The very few that don’t will never be happy.
It makes total sense, and not self centered at all.
I think your first suggestion is so important and probably the best way to limit our negative worry. Action.
A few years ago my dreams of doing an Ironman race were crushed when I injured my back and required back surgery – a spinal fusion. I worried that I’d never regain my health and the thought of realizing my dream of doing an Ironman seemed an unattainable fantasy.
Action changed everything. I chose to take small actions every day. At first it was a challenge to walk, but over time I was walking for two hours at a time. Running, biking and swimming came in time. The more I progressed, the less worry I had, and eventually I achieved my goal. Ironman #3 is scheduled for this summer… no worries.
Wow Jason! Congrats.
PS…any baby news to share?
Thanks!
No news yet, but my wife is having some contractions and we’re hoping they’ll continue. We’re getting pretty anxious.
This is a great post to help one deal with worry. If we are mentally or emotionally sressed, it is important to probe and know what the source of those feelings are so we can deal with them. So many of our worries and stressors come from within and how we perceive things.
This is a big one I have had to learn- ” If you are worried about something too big to handle, give it to God. You don’t have to take care of everything.”
I like to be in control and being out of control makes me anxious. I have had to learn the hard way that I cannot control everything. I am not God. And I don’t want to be, lol! There is a God and it isn’t me!
Bernice
Well said Bernice.
Thanks for another amazing post, Courtney! This is just the perspective I need when I uselessly worry about stuff. I try to remind myself of the old adage that worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Alyssa – I never heard that saying but I like it!
“If you are worried about something too big to handle, give it to God.” Elegant, simple, true.
I declared “spiritual bankruptcy,” and was surprised by how easier life became. I’ve found that most of my worries should be tears. I’m from a Scottish kilt, so the whole stiff-upper-lip thing really belied my super-emotional Celt side.
Now I invest my tears and expect mystifying dividends.
Truly, tears are the best baptism. It has to come out: Japan? What about my family in SD? They become tears, which are, perhaps, the purest prayers.
Shalom,
M
Beautiful Mark, thanks for sharing such eloquent thoughts.
Here’s my tried and true solution for worrying. I meditate on this night & day.
Do Not Worry
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:25-34)
Love. Love. Love.
Love this! Wrote it down in my journal to remember.
Thank you for this post, Courtney! Particularly touched by Mark’s reply as well.
Worrying for someone when you can do nothing to change their situation is like carrying them on your back. Put them down and then pray for them. God is big enough to carry us all.
I was worried about my weight and health so I took control instead of feeling helpless, fat and out of breath. I gave up dairy (I’m allergic) and then meat followed. I lost 5kg then started exercising. I lost another 5kg and now I fit a smaller dress size. I’m vegan now and exercising 6 days a week, only 10kg (or 2 dress sizes) to go. I can walk without getting out of breath, I don’t get chest pains anymore and most importantly I can breathe properly through my nose!!! (no more allergies).
Hi Courtney, I have only recently subscribed to your blog and I love it! I tend to be a worrier, so this post was particularly relevant to me. I just wanted to share what my hubby always says to me “worrying never alters the outcome”, so you are only harming yourself by worrying. Still working on this, but it seems to work for him!
You have stated this in a way that should release people from that paralysis caused by worry. I have alway felt that we should not worry about those things we cannot control…if they happen then we can worry. If we are worried about something we can control then we should make a habit of doing what needs to be done. To many time we consume more time worrying that it would take to overcome the problem!
Thank you for this post.
b
http://www.retireinstyleblog
Sue, sometimes I wonder if women worry more than men naturally. I hate to generalize, but in my experience, that’s been true.
Hi Courtney,
I used to worry about my adult children. I quit. I think my worry was about control. I do believe we are all right where we’re suppose to be doing what we need to do on our individual paths. How can I know what is right for them when I don’t know what is right for me much of the time;)
Thank you, Courtney. I too tend to be a worrier. I especially appreciate your suggestion #1 — ACTION. Even a small action can alleviate some worries. Save a bit, eat something healthy, spend an hour working on that big project, make the phone call, etc. And most importantly, I need to remember not to try to carry the weight of the world. I know I should trust God and pray more, but it has not yet become the default action in my life. Isn’t it wonderful that we can pray anytime, anywhere, about anything, even over and over if we feel the need, and God listens? That habit of constant prayer can be calming in and of itself. Thanks for the beautiful reminder.
Hey I’ve never done this before but…
I have a problem I’m so worried because my girlfriend is ignoring me I haven’t really bothered her except to let her know that I was home from a long trip. What else can I do.
You know I’m a chronic worrier and I really appreciate your words and your blog. I’ve recently begun needing a change in my life and though I’m only a twenty-year-old student I wanted to rid my life of all this extra clutter and baggage. I think my fears and expectations are something that really drags me down. Thank you for the encouragement through your posts. I hope you are dealing with MS much better and thank you again.