Reject the Allure of Stuff
I forget sometimes that living with less is not the way of the world. I forget that some people think it’s a little weird. Once in a while, I even forget that until recently, it never crossed my mind to live without lots of stuff, car payments, student loans, credit cards, a full-time job, a “crazy busy” schedule, and total and utter exhaustion.
From a very young age, we are taught that if we work hard, we can have anything and everything we want. But what if what we want is not to work hard? What if we want to trade working hard for …
- working on things that matter
- working with people who make us smile
- working right from our heart
If we did that, we might not make as much and then we couldn’t have as much stuff. I wasn’t aware that I was working for stuff until I made the choice to become debt free. It was then, when I started paying for things that I had purchased years before, that I realized, I wasn’t working to make a living, to make a life. I was working to buy crap.
Between advertisements, constantly comparing our lives, and the idea that more is better, there is a never-ending quest for stuff, which of course leads to a never-ending work-spend-owe-work-spend-owe lifestyle. The allure of stuff tempts us with a promise of a better life. If we carry the right purse, drive the right car, and live in the right neighborhood, life will be wonderful and easy.
Without an intentional shift towards the things that are most important, options seem to disappear, complacency sets in and you are simply working to buy crap.
How to Reject the Allure of Stuff
Be consumer disobedient. You don’t have to go shopping to save the economy. You don’t have to buy what advertisements tell you to and you don’t have to own what your neighbors own.
Make a list. I have a list on Work Flowy called “what I want to buy”. If there is something that I really want to buy, I’ll add it to the list. After a few weeks, the desire usually fades and after a few months, the desire to add anything to the list fades.
Consider the true cost. Spending $100 on a new pair of shoes doesn’t sound excessive, especially when you can buy them for $1000 or more. But instead of thinking about that $100 in terms of dollars, think of it in terms of time. How many hours do you have to work to make $100? What about a $20,000 car? How many hours of your life does that steal? Read Your Money or Your Life when you are ready to assess the real value of your time.
Make new friends. Surround yourself with people who care about the things you care about it. If you are ready to be debt free, consider a local Financial Peace University. If you want to dress with less, join a future Project 333 quick starter course. Your motivation and momentum will soar with a group of like-minded individuals.
Dump regret. When you finally realize what you want out of life, and discover it isn’t what you’ve been working so hard for, you may feel like you wasted time. From experience, I can tell you that without that time, you wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate and commit to your new direction in life. Don’t waste another second feeling bad about debt, stuff, and decisions that you made last year, or last week. Live in the right now because this is it.
This over this. Dig in and think about what really makes you smile, what makes your heart sing, and how you want to spend your time on this planet. What would you choose over what you own, or could own? I choose …
- The smell of the forest over the smell of a new car
- The way the sun feels on my face over the way a cashmere sweater feels on my arms
- The sound of crashing waves over the sound of high-end speakers
- The taste of an ice-cold beer after a hike over a diet coke in the car rushing back to work.
- A small space to live over a big home to store all the stuff. (working on this one)
- Monday morning dog walks over Monday morning meetings.
- Uncertainty over false security.
I’m not suggesting that you quit your job tomorrow or ever, but instead of working to buy more stuff, work to make your life what you really want it to be. If you are reading this, chances are, that isn’t a new Rolex.
Awareness is half the battle. Give “less” an opportunity to change your life. Once you decide that time is more important than money and people are more important than stuff, the changes you have to make become an honor instead of a chore.
If you want to reject the allure of stuff, complete this sentence in the comment section, “I choose _____ over ______.”
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Hi Courtney,
This is a great article, just placed where I am at the moment. Any advice for when one partner is ready for less, and the other is not there yet?
Scott
Scott, go slowly and lead by example. Have conversations about the benefits of living with less. It becomes much more appealing when it’s not just about “what we have to do” to get there, but instead, “how do we want to live?” “if we had no debt, we could…” “a smaller home would give us the freedom to….”
Focus on your stuff and not your partner’s stuff. More ideas here: http://bemorewithless.com/2011/when-your-spouse-isnt-simple/
What a thought provoking post. I’m on the journey of “owning less” but it is a tough one. For instance, when I read this I thought immediately “I should print this”. Yep, another piece of paper to shuffle. I’ll electronic file it instead. Thanks again for the great information.
Connie, It will get less tough.
Instead of printing this or even saving it, find one thing that really speaks to you and jot it in a journal or get started making the one thing part of your life. In the meantime, I’ll save the article for you here on this site and you can come back to it anytime.
Beautiful post!
Here’s my conundrum.
I am retired, and my pension covers my basic needs. This is good. The conundrum part enters in when I consider my housing.
My father lives with me, and we have way more house than we need. You see, I bought this house when both my parents came to live with me and it really was more house than we needed back then – but I did need a house that was wheelchair accessible, and the house I had sat three feet above grade and I didn’t really have enough room on the lot to put in a 36 foot long ramp.
Anyway, I was not a savvy about money back then. What I should have done was put in a lift. If I had stayed in that house, it would have been paid off at least five years ago! Instead, I have $72K left on this house. And at least that much in equity.
I have been trying to get my father to see moving as a “good idea”. So far, he keeps rejecting the idea. And, I suppose if I were 84, I would feel pretty bad about it, too.
In the meantime, I am working as many hours as I can pick up and avoiding spending money. My last big personal purchase was underpants! Woo-hoo! I felt great about buying them.
Anyway, I don’t suppose you have a solution. I could just tell my father that we’re moving, but that doesn’t seem like a loving thing to do.
It is just frustrating me that I could be saving money from my pension or using it to travel, advance my art and so on and I have the dang mortgage hanging over me! I know that one of these days I will be free to sell and move, and that day will be a very sad one for me.
Kim, This is only my opinion, but I think a move sounds like just what you need. You’ll probably be able to take better care of your dad without the stress and worry you have now. Again, I don’t know you or the situation except from what you’ve described, but based on what you’ve mentioned, I think in your shoes, I would sell.
Perhaps scout out other options first. You’ll find a loving way to tell your dad.
Thanks, Courtney. This is something to think about.
I choose meaningful relationships and life experiences over things.
I love this one~ and I totally agree!
I choose love over stuff. The love of beauty, fur faces and dear friends/family.
Excellent, Courtney. I made these serious and, actually, seriously difficult changes over 3 1/2 years ago and I’ve never been freer or happier. But, as you implied, it’s a continuing process. It’s so easy to see those $100 shoes or that $20,000 car (and that’s really not all that much in today’s auto market) and still desire them. I still maintain a membership at Costco (30 years), but I share it with someone else and several years ago I learned to ask myself as I looked at all the “stuff” they had that I wanted. “Can I live without this?” 99.9% of the time the answer is YES! I know precisely what I need and buy from Costco and that’s all I get. Your list idea is great, I do that with Amazon books, Buy.com and a few other retailers. The lists are long and continue growing, but I only buy one of the books or specific item when a true need for it arises. Most of those books and other stuff will never be in my (mainly Kindle) library.
I have a ‘to read’ list, that I churn through by using the library (and if they don’t have something, you can always suggest it!) No money to be spent (well other than your council rates or whatever, that you’re paying anyway!)
Excellent point, Sarah! I have a number of friends who do that, too. Libraries are still great resources. Since I am now happily houseless and travel most of the time, I have very little room to carry anything extra, plus my official residence is in the state of South Dakota and I’m never there, only once to change my residence, so that’s where my library privileges would be. But,some Kindle books are now loanable, so that’s still a possibility.
I choose balance over busyness. I especially love the way items on your list dissolve when you don’t follow an impulse to buy them immediately. And, I also love the idea of translating cost into hours of work! This is very helpful.
Great post – thank you!
Its very timely for Australia. Over the last couple of weeks there has been some heated debate about the City of Sydney’s in kind support of a Buy Nothing New Month project (the Retailer Association say its an “anti retail” campaign). Today there is a great piece in one of our major newspapers http://www.smh.com.au/national/conscientious-consumption-20120703-21far.html.
Great post Courtney (as usual). I especially like this line > “Uncertainty over false security.”
Great article ~ such wisdom! I’ve found the same to be true when it comes to making a list of wants. A painless way of reducing and eliminating the desire…not to mention tricking the mind into thinking you’re actually going to buy it. lol
Oh, Courtney. Yet another great post. I am so inspired, empowered by your example. I got interested in simplicity, minimalism, living with less almost 20 years ago, but haven’t quite embodied it the way I’d like to, but you continue give me such a gentle, loving kick in the butt. And P.S. I just realized you’ll be at WDS, so if a strange women yells “hey badass!” from across a crowded room, you’ll know it’s me
Jill, Come find me! I’d love to meet you.
Hi Courtney,
Long time no talk! I’ve been following your postings, enjoyed every one, but been a tad busy of late so haven’t commented recently. I left Roatan, my island “paradise” and have returned to Canada. That’s right, I’m back in the land of buy-more-to-have-value-as-a-worthy-person. I am happy to report that I no longer feel the need–my happiness has nothing to do with how much “stuff” I acquire (I returned with two suitcases, just as I left with 5 years ago.) Yes, the temptation is everywhere: shopping malls, flyers offering me endless deals, newer (unrusty cars) on every dealer’s lot, impressive homes lined up on picture perfect boulevards–with more being built every day, endless deals to bundle my TV and cell phone and internet access–doesn’t everyone need 300 channels (with nothing on worth wasting time to watch), a phone that doubles as world wide web searcher, camera, and who knows what else, as well as, a computer for world wide web searching and who knows what else. Then of course, there is the work-your-butt-off (at a job you hate)-to-someday-move-to-a-tropical-island aspect… ahhh, been there, done that!
I have had to make some purchases since returning (gets a little colder here) and I can’t live in the park. But, nothing I’ve bought has anything to do with affirming my happiness or “value as a human-being”–that–comes from: being close to family and friends again, re-appreciating wildlife and scenery I haven’t seen in many years, a new found appreciation for cultures unlike anything I could have imagined, okay, and I admit–knowing that the Dollar Store can-opener I bought won’t rust out in a week or two, and I don’t have to check under my pillow for scorpions!
That last comment about scorpions made me laugh. We live in “the land of opportunity” and still have to check under our pillows (and inside our shoes, and in boxes/baskets, the washing machine, the bathtub, the kitchen sink, etc) for scorpions at my house.
So glad to hear from you! It sounds like your travels have helped defined the most important things in your life. xo
Just a thought from someone who HATES shoe shopping – I’ve found that ONE pair of $100 shoes really is worth it, over several cheap pairs from Payless that hurt and fall apart the first time they encounter a puddle. I just came back from 10 days in Israel with a pair of all-terrain sandals. They were not cheap, but they saved my feet! Repeated trips to Payless and the foot doctor are not minimalist in my book.
Agreed, but I only when you actually need shoes.
“Give ‘less’ an opportunity to change your life.”
Amen siSTAR!
Hey Courtney,
Your title pulled me in… the allure of ‘stuff’.
… and I agree with you entirely. Removing ‘stuff’ we don’t need does so much more than de-clutter physically – it is amazing the benefit it has mentally and emotionally too.
Less stuff = less hassles, less to worry about + more freedom!
I like to think of it as removing excess from our lives.
You obviously know all about this but for most people if they take a step back they’d probably be amazed at how much excess they currently have in their lives and if they’d only just remove their time, energy and focus on those things, they get so much more time to focus on what’s really important.
great post.
I choose long term travel over spending money on clubbing/alcohol/dinners.
Our trouble is not being allured by stuff, but by convenience (ie eating out too much) How do we go about learning to curb that or should it be “cold turkey” until we lose the urge? I guess I need to print out the “I choose ______ over _____” in HUGE font and hang it on my fridge and front door so that I am reminded how important it is to cook at home. Something like I choose freedom over fast food. And then maybe even do something tangible like putting the money we would have spent on eating out into a jar so that we can see it adding up instead of dwindling.
Jennifer, I love the idea of setting the money aside you would normally spend on fast food. This is such a good time for Farmer’s Markets depending on where you live, that maybe you could see what they have to offer.
You could also do an “eat in challenge”. Create something with your family where you commit to cooking your own easy meals for 30 days, and then with the savings do something as a family that you really enjoy. I think you’ll notice a benefit in more than just your wallet.
Keep me posted!
Courtney, I loved this post. I too decided to live in a way that gave me everything I needed which meant relationships and time in nature. I hate to shop so that’s never been a problem. Yesterday I sat and watched a woodpecker, just because I could and found myself smiling the whole time. That’s what life is about.
I choose walking in the woods and maybe seeing deer to driving to the shopping centre and seeing “stuff”!
As usual, you done good again!
You said:
But what if what we want is not to work hard? What if we want to trade working hard for …
working on things that matter
working with people who make us smile
working right from our heart
I don’t mind working hard. I just don’t want to do insignificant work. If I am doing something I love, I will work hard at it. I believe that when we are passionate about our work, we are willing to work hard. I know you believe that too.
I just wanted to mention that because I wonder if skeptics of the minimalism/simple life philosophy think minimalists are lazy.
How strange. I’ve just written about a similar thing!
I totally agree. Wise words, as always.
By the way, ‘I choose love and connections over shopping and ‘busy-ness’.’
I really enjoyed this article. I think it caught my attention most because this is how I’m currently trying to live my life. It wasn’t until I moved to a new country and completely started from scratch and walked away from a high-paying job that I realized that I could truly make it with a lot less. For the past 6yrs hubby and I have shared one car (this works b/c we both work from home and get a rental car here and there if absolutely needed, but most times we just plan really well), and instead of spending a lot of money every weekend on outings we prefer free ones like a walk around the lake to visit the swans and save our money for meaningful 1-2 week vacations every year that take us all over the globe.
Looking back on my old life and considering my new way of living, I’m so glad that I made the changes that I did when I did. There is so much more to life than working to pay bills and sitting in traffic commuting. I truly believe that it’s about how much we save, not how much we make. I feel that I’m truly at a place where I enjoy the little things like seeing squirrels eat acorns outside my kitchen window or hearing the waves crash while at the beach.
Oh yes… Whenever I think “how many hours do I or my husband have to work to pay for that?” it makes me want to never spend a single dollar again!! That is a great technique, sometime shocking.
My favorite part is not beating yourself up over the past. What’s done is done, we can only change our future, not our past.
How? I don’t know how…