For Donna on my 42nd Birthday
When I was 20, I was a student in art school in Savannah, Georgia. I also worked as a bartender.
The bar was my home away from home and the owner of the bar was my mother away from from my mother.
Donna and her husband ran the bar and they became my friends. Closer than friends.
They became my family.
When I think about Donna, I don’t remember what she wore, what kind of stuff she had in her house, or any presents we ever exchanged.
I don’t remember her busy schedule, how well known she was in the community, or how many awards or accolades she had earned.
I only remember…
- The look in her eyes when she talked about her daughter.
- How she insisted on driving me home at night so I wouldn’t walk alone.
- The adoring display of public affection for her husband.
- How she made everyone around her feel a little taller, and a little more important.
- Her no nonsense advice on life and business.
- Her no tolerance for bullshit.
- How at home I felt in her home.
- The potential she saw in a self absorbed 20 year old.
- The way she tried to comfort me when she was dying.
While we are here and when we are gone, we aren’t best known for how many hours we work, how much stuff is in our house, how many cars are in our garage, or the letters that come after a name on a business card. Instead we are known for our lovely lives and how we treat people.
Our hearts and our character will shine over our accomplishments and completed to do lists every time.
Donna died from bone cancer was she was 42. I only knew her for 3 short years. I share that with you so you know that it doesn’t take much time to change someones life or to be changed by someone else. Be open to the idea that everyone has something to offer you, and you have something to offer everyone that you meet.
I have thought about her often in the past 22 years. Donna’s last name became my daughter’s middle name. I wanted to honor her. I wanted to give my daughter a part of this extraordinary woman.
So today, on my 42nd birthday, I am blessed to live out a part of life that Donna did not. With the lessons I learned from her and other extraordinary people, I hope to live it with grace, hope, determination and kindness.
Not only do I want to be the person my dog thinks I am, but I want to be the person to you that Donna was to me.
The very best way I can honor her life is to..
- inspire with my words and actions
- speak from my heart and soul
- get silly sometimes
- stop pretending I can control anything
- love without judgement
When someone close to you dies, and someone else tries to comfort you by saying, “She’ll always be alive in your heart.” you might not believe them.
You should. It’s true.
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39 Responses to “For Donna on my 42nd Birthday”
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This was beautiful. Happy birthday Courtney!
What a lovely tribute. Happy birthday!
Donna would be thrilled to know you still inspire her this long after her passing. A lovely tribute! And Happy Birthday!
Brilliantly written, Courtney. I’ve had a few ‘Donnas’ in my life – and the impact they had on others… wow. Crazy inspiring. People like that re-define ‘legacy’ and remind us to live life on purpose. I strive to live in a way that points others to something deeply meaningful and constant. I strive to be selfless.
Here’s to people who put others first.
- Josh (@nonconformistpa)
Moved to tears…what a post to share on your birthday. Thank you, Courtney, for introducing us to an incredible woman ~ one whose legacy lives on.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post and touching reminder.
Happy Birthday!
This is a beautiful post, Courtney. Thank you.
Happy birthday! [It's my birthday today too! I love finding out about shared birthdays through my online friends.]
Happy B-Day Courtney, Feliz Cumpleanos Courtney, y que vengan muchos mas, haces honor a lo que dices, tus palabras nos inspiran to improve ourselves.
You’re going to make a lot of people cry today Courtney, myself included.
“Be open to the idea that everyone has something to offer you, and you have something to offer everyone that you meet.” Wow.
I met a man last night. He was homeless and he was an alcoholic. At a different point in my life I would have hurried by and ignored his request for money trying to pretend he wasn’t there. Last night Patrick and I spent a few minutes of our life connecting with him instead. We heard his tales, we laughed, we were sad, and we were moved. At one point I looked him straight in the eyes, and he looked back. His realness was a lesson for me and his fearlessness. We gave him a little money and went on with our lives, but he had something powerful to offer me. It was the solidity with which he viewed himself and the way he looked me straight in the eyes, no dancing around. I can’t even really describe it, but it was a beautiful lesson and a moment to honor another person walking on their path through life.
Thank you for sharing this Courtney, and have an incredible 42nd birthday. Donna would be proud of you.
Tanja your story was beautiful as well. I live in the city and see many pan-handlers, but when you scratch the surface most are genuinely in need of personal connection. You relayed that beautifully.
Thanks for writing this Courtney. Happy birthday.
My guess is that Donna would be pretty darn proud of you and the woman you have become.
Thank you, Courtney. Happy happy birthday!!
This was just beautiful. Thanks for the birthday gift from one 6/6 girl to another. I’m sure Donna is smiling down from heaven knowing you are following her example and darn proud of how you are living your life.
Happy Birthday, Courtney. I am sure Donna is smiling at you and sending you loving hugs.
very beautiful and touching. thank you…
Wow, beautiful piece! We often don’t know how we touch, impact, and influence the life of another. I’m sure Donna would be sooo pleased to know the effect she’s had on your life. That’s why, I believe, it’s important to tell people specifically the lessons we’re learning from them, the impact they’re having on us. Why not have them hear it when they’re around. Aren’t we all here to make some difference?! It’s nice to be able to know it while we’re alive. Not just to eulogize about the person’s impact once they’re gone.
“The Last Lecture” is a great tribute to this odea. Also, “Tuesdays With Morrie”.
what a great story. i cried because death is horrible and how we miss those we love! i am totally impressed that the words you wrote were so clear and straight to my heart. and that you still have such love for someone 20 years later, awesome! i hope i remember this bit of wisdom and remember how important we can be to anyone, at any time, on any day, let’s cherish that responsibility! xo
Happy Birthday and thanks for sharing such a great personal story. I hear ya on the home away from home Family
And look at that, now you’ve shared her light and her love with us. What a gift to give us on your day. Happy Birthday dear Courtney.
Awesome! What a special woman Donna was, and what an impact she made on you, and then look at the impact you have made on others. It is her impact multiplied. You see, we never know how we may affect someone’s life. Thank you for reminding us of that today, on your birthday!
Happy birthday Courtney!
Bernice
So beautifully inspiring ~ thank you and *>HapPy biRthDay<*!
What a beautiful tribute to your friend. Happy Birthday!
Wonderful post, Courtney.
Happy Birthday!
What a moving story. Brought tears to my eyes because I am reminded of my mom, who also passed on at the young age of (43). And who also is remembered for her flashing eyes, vibrant personality and ability to make people feel happy and alive.
A reminder to make the most of every day we have, and to reach out whenever we can.
Thanks for sharing and happy birthday!
Such a beautiful tribute.
Happy Birthday!
thank you for the beautiful post. happy happy to you!! thanks, also, for reminding me what beautiful people i’ve had in my life. in my 20s i had a few “adopted grandmas” because mine passed away, also from bone cancer, when i was 21. thank you for sharing your lovely spirit with us.
Really great tribute. It seems our 40s are when we fully realize the importance of people who helped us become who we are. So many people to appreciate…. and miss as they pass on & for the rest of our lives as we age ourselves. Thanks for such a poignant reminder.
Beautiful writing! And beautiful thoughts. Thanks for sharing with us. Today I turn 60 and feel many of the things you talk about. In fact, I just blogged about them. We can’t both be wrong!
Courtney I’m so glad I found your blog. This was a beautiful tribute. If we are lucky we can reflect on someone in our past who shaped our lives for the better in some way. I’ve had friends and mentors like Donna in my life and I am grateful for them every day. It makes me want to be a better person.
Happy Birthday!
Thanks to all of you for helping me celebrate my birthday and my friendship with an amazing woman. I can’t wait to get to know more of you better, as I know that you have wonderful gifts to offer the world.
xoxo,
Courtney
How did I not know it was your birthday yesterday? I would have given you a birthday hug! This was so beautiful and inspiring, Courtney. Thank you!
Wow. I’m 41 this June. a strong re-prioritization is going on in my life, and this post was a confirmation. Thank you!
Happy birthday! This is such an important reminder that time, love and giving of yourself are the most important gifts you can give another person. And now Donna’s love and life are living on through you. Beautiful!
This is a beautiful story. As you wrote, one of the best things we can do is inspire others. Happy birthday!
This was a beautiful post and a wonderful tribute to your friend.
Happy belated birthday!
Nice way to celebrate your birthday – even nicer that you shared it.
So wonderful that Donna continues to inspire you, and now she inspires all of us! Happy birthday, Courtney.