How To Reclaim The Lost Art of Lingering
When was the last time you let time slip away and lingered over something? Perhaps it was a meal, or spending time with someone you don’t see very often. Maybe you lingered over a book and went to bed much later than planned. In some countries, lingering is a way of life. It would be unheard of to rush through a meal or stick to a schedule with Italy’s Dolce Far Niente.
For most however, getting it done is more important than enjoying, lingering and letting one moment inform the next.
A jam packed schedule leads to…
- drive thru meals
- delivery service
- a calendar with no white space
- driving too fast
- cell phones on in the car
- reactive behavior instead of a thoughtful response
- impulse shopping
- one way conversations
- missed opportunities to engage and enjoy
You owe it to yourself and your family to start living your lovely life and stop getting it done, because when it’s all done…it’s all done. Think for a moment about the moments you miss everyday because you are on autopilot. Now, shift to thinking about moments you can begin to enjoy by waking up a few minutes earlier, dropping an obligation that has no meaning to you, and turning off the TV.
You know you have lost the art of lingering when you…
- walk through a museum like you walk to your gate in an airport
- wrap dinner early to catch your favorite tv show
- take your dog for a walk to the mailbox instead of the park
- eat at your desk, typing with one hand
- type with both hands brushing crumbs off your keyboard
- skip yoga to do extra work (guilty)
- jump out of the bed and head right to the shower or the coffee machine
- won’t make slow cook oatmeal because it’s too slow
Think about how you feel when you are on vacation (unless you are an obsessive planner with an itinerary for everyday). When you take a vacation, you leave everything behind and sometimes don’t even pay attention to time. By the end of your stay, you are relaxed and happy. You might notice that you are more aware of what’s going on around you and can stay focused for longer periods of time.
There is a way to infuse some of that clarity and softness into your everyday life. You have to reclaim the lost art of lingering. Working more, longer, harder so you can afford your next vacation is not the answer. Incorporating vacation behavior into your life everyday is the answer.
This will take practice, intention and a commitment to re-prioritize, but what happens when you are successful is that you enjoy life more and as a side effect, become more creative and productive. You can begin to work smarter instead of harder.
How to reclaim the lost art of lingering
Linger first. When you wake up in the morning, breath and stretch. Look out the window before you look at your computer or phone. Smile.
Take a long lunch. If you work for someone who wouldn’t understand, you might have to tell a little, white lie (and then look for a new job). Try something like, “I have a dentist appointment today and may run a little late.” Then meet a friend at a cafe or in a park for a walk and leave your cell phone in the car.
Create for 30 minutes. Try drawing even if you don’t know how to draw. Don’t try to make anything amazing, just make something with your hands and your heart. During your next 30 minutes, give painting or writing a shot. Give yourself the time and permission to linger over creativity.
Plan a meal. Nourish your body and your soul with a slow cooked meal. Find a recipe that you know everyone will like. Let everyone know what time dinner is. Turn on some Diana Krall or other music that helps you melt into the moment and slowly chop vegetables, stir sauces and set the table. Light candles and call everyone for dinner. If it’s just you, sit at the table and admire what you’ve created. Turn down the lights, ban cell phones and electronics from the room and let everyone know that the dishes can wait. If you have succesfully reclaimed the lost art of lingering, you will spend more time at the table enjoying your meal than you did creating it.
My parents recently moved to Arezzo, Italy and I hope they are lingering everyday. I can’t wait to linger with them in July and am going to start practicing today.
What will you do to reclaim the lost art of lingering?
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27 Responses to “How To Reclaim The Lost Art of Lingering”
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“•won’t make slow cook oatmeal because it’s too slow”… Worse than that, I have a box of instant oatmeal sitting at home unused because even that’s too slow…
Brian, It might be time to give a slow cooked breakfast a try.
You can start by treating yourself with hot cup of nice smelled vanilla tea
I am so sharing this with my FB and Twitter people….awesome stuff! I’m guilty of skipping yoga too (working on it!) but I love the art of lingering
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Thanks for sharing Jen…now get to yoga class.
Great tips, thanks for sharing. Italians really do have lingering down to an art form. It’s beautiful. (That’s one of the reasons I got married there! Our wedding dinner took about 4 hours.) I think our culture has a lot to learn about enjoying life. Now, I think I’ll go take my dog for a long walk…
Your dog will love it. Actually, I think I’ll take my dog for a walk too.
I am so tired of one-way conversations! sadly, i have lost many friends because of this.
Italians have mastered the art of lingering indeed! It was hard for me to slow down when i visited a friend there but by the fourth day, having a 3 hour meal seemed just as natural! i miss that!
I’m going out now and add another 10 minutes to my very strict hour lunch!
Thanks, Courtney!
Paula, I hope you have a lovely lunch you can linger over. Enjoy.
I’m notorious for cleaning up the meal before everyone is done eating. I have many more things to accomplish, so hurry up so I can relax. I’ve been working on savoring, but have found I really need to get out of the house too truly linger, enjoy, and stay in the moment. I can talk and be for hours, but not when there’s so much to do around the house.
Marci, It’s awesome that you recognize that. Maybe an after dinner walk is in order.
I have a hard time letting go of the moment I want to hurry up so I can linger later which never happens. I love how you shine light on that which I need to work on. Thank you!
your welcome.
Courtney, taking a longer lunch break is a great option. I’ve been doing that recently, and it can be done without lying.
We normally get an hour for lunch, but starting work just half an hour earlier gives me enough time for over 45 minutes of lunchtime meditation, followed by a relaxing lunch.
My line manager and other colleagues are fine with it – because they can see that post-lunch productivity is shooting through the roof. It also has a positive impact on evening home life, as there is less need to decompress after a long full tiring day.
A lie, even a little white lie, is not worth it. The mental pressure we put on ourselves due to the white lie negates all the benefits of taking time out for ourselves during the working day.
Suraj, I’m so glad you’ve figured out a way to make this work but I doubt everyone has an employer or co-workers as reasonable as yours. While I don’t want to suggest that lying is a great idea on principle, I do think that if someone needs a little extra time it’s ok to say “I have an appointment”.
Beautiful post. I often try and take time to just be in the moment, relaxed and unhurried. One of my favourite things to do is just sit with a cup of tea – not reading or watching anything, just sipping and enjoying a break with a tasty drink.
I love to linger at the end of the meal as well. We eat dinner together every night and it’s our time to catch up on our day, to plan the next and to just be together. It’s a priceless and treasured time by us all.
Thank you for the post.
Tasha
Yet another thing I realize I love about Hawaii! Things truly go on Hawaiian time and reading this made me realize that people tend to linger.
I’ve also put my yoga and paddling before trying to power through a work project. It’s helped me more than one time to get a piece written better than if I had tried to just get it done without a clear mind.
Love you reminders and your Lovely Life stuff
Great reminder to enjoy the luxury of being sick. I am actually enjoying taking a sick day!
I try to do this too — I wake up slowly, and when I’m not rushing myself, walk to work in the morning. It’s hard, though, because sometimes I don’t feel like I’ve “earned” the hour or so to myself in the middle of the day!
I like the tip about planning a meal. I never thought cooking can make me linger. But it turned to be an enjoyable activity with my wife.
Yes!! I was drawn to my husband in no small part because in his culture (he’s Brazilian) you always linger, there’s never any rush. It was such a change from my neurotic, over-scheduled, over-productive lifestyle. I always love the fact that with Brazilians, you have to make the first move to end a conversation or visit, they never will. There’s something so sweet and comforting about it.
In addition to lingering — let’s allow ourselves to enjoy in between moments. When we’re waiting for someone who’s late, instead of checking your voicemail or email, why not just people watch, or write in a journal, or just think your own thoughts?
Linger with your grandkids. Don’t resent the intrusion or put off a visit because you have other “things” to do. I have just lost a grandson to SIDS at 9 weeks and the guilt is eating me up. I will be lingering with my 2 yr old granddaughter as much as she will allow.