Hush: An Open Letter to the Right
Dear Mr. and Ms. Right,
I’m not writing this letter to you because of your political affiliation or religious beliefs. I’m not talking about that kind of right. I am writing to your need to be right. I am writing to your desire to fix things. I am writing to your inclination to view the world through a very small lens.
When you consider that your lens is not the lens, and your world is not the world, you may understand that very rarely are you assessing all of the details that it would take to make a completely rational decision or judgement. In fact, you are probably only scratching the surface.
If my letter is already making you feel defensive, hush. Take a deep breath and consider that I may have something to offer.
You see, I am just like you. Being right is not just your burden. We all want to be right. It makes us feel good. It makes us feel in control. Even when we aren’t sure that we are right, we are positive that everyone else is doing it wrong.
- The government can’t do anything right.
- Your neighbors aren’t right.
- Your co-worker’s suggestion at the last meeting can’t be right.
- Your boss is never right.
- When was the last time your spouse was right?
Think about how many times in a day you think, “That’s not right.” and then think about what being right has ever done for you. Did you earn love? respect? relief? a promotion? peace? or did you just move on to the next thing to be right about? When you are focused on being right, you lose sight of what is really important.
Being right is exhausting. I want time in my day to just be, instead of being right.
When you remove judgement from a conversation, you have an opportunity to connect with someone and to learn something. Everyone has something to offer, something to teach you, but if you can’t hush, you’ll miss it.
Hush and worry less about being right. Instead …
- be grateful
- be amused
- be loving
- be happy
- be hopeful
- be nice
- be thoughtful
- be loved
Hush may be the gentlest way to say “shut up” but perhaps that’s what we need to hear. That’s what we need to tell ourselves when we go to that judgey, pious, I wanna be right place. Hush and invite life to unfold. Hush and give people a chance. Hush and consider that the best things in life don’t come from being right.
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32 Responses to “Hush: An Open Letter to the Right”
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Great post! It brought to mind what author — Byron Katie — said: “I realized that I could be right, or I could be free.”
Laurie, I love that!
Courtney – I thought you might.
I hate to admit it, but I found myself having to hush more than once here. And I’m SO glad I hushed. Thank you Courtney for reminding me of what my soul might have known but my mind never wanted to see. You have definitely helped me be more than a tiny bit better today.
So happy to help.
This is quite possibly the best blog post I have read in a long time. We don’t often have the full picture on most topics that we banter on about, especially when it comes to things like politics. To really see, you have to look at all sides and consider the points outside of your own beliefs.
Thank you for the excellent reminder about just living instead of living to be right. I find myself being defensive about being right more than I should and recently pinpointed one of the biggest triggers of it in my life to be Facebook. In the spirit of simplification and decluttering, I treated Facebook like a bad sweater and dumped it. Decluttering a source of negativity in my life felt extremely freeing!
My friend, my daughter, my sister, and I had a whole discussion about how people only see from their own perspectives. How it is difficult to find those people who will just accept that you think/feel/behave/look different. And that it is ok.
My husband and I fall into the “i’m right” trap when we argue. I dislike that aspect of our personalities (which only comes out when we argue, really…aish). I will try to do this – hush – the next time we start to argue. Because loving each other is more important than being right.
“Loving each other is more important than being right.” I’m here on a cold winter’s night — 4 months since you posted your comment. Will add that comment to my emotional first aid kit. Thanks.
As I read this I kept reflecting back to your title. The political right groups do need to be hushed. The groups also need to be less judgmental. I thought at first that this was what you were talking about. Having read the whole blog I understand your point. This was very well written and your point is clear. I do also think that my first thoughts about your title are applicable to your point also.
Kate, I do appreciate your feedback but this post is not about politics. We all have differences in what we believe but I think we are more alike than we think. Aside from a handful of very vocal lefts or rights, most of us just want happiness.
Shall we start a happiness party?
Ahhh…refreshing post ! Thanks ! I take all this a step further and want to “do” everything right — not necessarily “be” right . I don’t ever want to mess up but the same principles apply and this was great for me ! I just wrote about my “fears” recently and this was one I battle so much ! I may have to print this and put it on the fridge
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ah yes, doing everything right! That usually leads to second guessing, fear and sometimes it prevents something from ever seeing the light of day. Perfection is highly overrated. (which may account for frequent typos on this blog).
Thank you!!! We all need this reminder!
Actually, the best things in life aren’t things. (-:
This rang home for me today as I still have a tiny tendency to go to that right spot! Thanks for the reminder it’s not a great place to be for me or others.
@Kate Bell, What is this communist Russia or something? You hear something you don’t like and they (the political Right) need to be silenced. It is a sad and small world you live in. SMDH.
Again … this post is not about politics. We are all at the same party here.
I love your use of the word “hush”. It is so gentle, a reminder to live in lovingkindness. Brings to mind a parent quieting a child in a loving way, rocking, murmuring “hush” until the child can hear and settle down. We all need a little of that quieting. Thank you for the reminder.
It sort of makes me want to take a nap.
once again, Courtney, you make palatable a point that most every time I am faced with BEing Right or BEing happy, enough, or exactly where I need to BE, without even realising it, I auto-kick into defensive overdrive. I like how you addressed this and the fun you had approaching such a volatile concept.
I have recently had a run with wanting to BE understood. I think it is a NOT-so distant cousin to BEing right. I think most anything can BE a relative of BEing right, or needing to BE [or wanting].
I’ve been very reflective recently, sort of taking another look at things past, over, and done. I think in every single “icky” one there is BEing Right at the heart of it. and whether it was ME driving that cart or another [or many others] it still stinks just as much.
thank you for saying things “out loud” and your choice to use the word “Hush” is exquisite!!
In other words…. Let’s just BE!
Wonderful post! I’m really making an effort to share it with a lot of my friends and family. I think a lot of people could benefit from letting go of that need for perfection and “right” in themselves and everybody else. Once I stopped judging others on their “wrongness”, I found happiness and contentment in just enjoying life.
Live and let live.
thanks for this post….I have realised that I spend a lot of time wanting to be ‘right’ in arguments and debates with my husband……which leads to us yelling and then has negative affects on our relationship in many ways.
He has been unemployed for almost 3 months and life has been stressful……he hasn’t been able to find full time work, so is now doing a government subsidised business course, but it has been hard financially, which leads to stress and arguing, then me being quite critical and ‘right’.
From reading your article, I will try not to be so harsh and judgemental, and even though we try and live fairly simply, we do need to work together on positive goals. One of the hardest things is that he is a ‘dreamer’ and I believe in ‘goal setting’. We have five children aged from 2 to 17, so this is another story of challenges in itself!!!
Thanks for the awareness and allowing me to reflect and work on changing this!
Hushed to me means turning the the volume down not off. I was not trying to be political in my previous comment but explaining where my head was at when I initially saw your title. Thank you for an excellent post.
I love your idea of turning the volume down. If two people (or parties) are going to disagree about something, why can’t we just disagree pleasantly and quietly while we both acknowledge the good in each other?
First, Courtney, I wish to nominate you for the World prize for Humor. This is not only beautifully funny but it carries the essence of how to live. Thank you for your words.
Hush, don’t rush. Love it. Definitely something that takes practice and something I’m guilty of too often! I’d add “be patient” “be open” and “be slow” to that great list.
I’m joining your happiness party. Thank you for a beautiful post.
I LOVE THAT THIS IS NOT A ‘POLITICAL’ STATEMENT, BUT RATHER A ‘HUMAN’ STATEMENT. I FIGHT THE NEED TO BE RIGHT A LOT…BUT THIS IS A PRETTY COOL PIECE.
Posted your letter but only friends who are not on the “Right” side of politics took the time to read or respond. Such a good message that may be hindered by the title that, at quick glance, appears to be another criticism of the political Right?
Since your letter is so appropriate for a wide range of social and political interactions in America, perhaps amending the title to something like “An open letter to “Always having to be right” might generate a wider reading (and re-posting!) audience and have a greater impact on many more people on both sides of the aisle??
Not that I have to be right on this . . .