Simplicity in Action: Nancy
Editor’s Note: This is a post in the series, Simplicity in Action. If you’d like to submit your story of how simplicity has worked in your life, please read more here. You can write about anything from decluttering a junk drawer to simplifying your diet. Let your small and big changes inspire others.
Nancy
A couple of years ago when I was getting a haircut at a salon, a couple came in with their 4-year-old son. He sat down to get his haircut while his parents waited nearby. He had his earplugs in connected to his iPod. The whole entire haircut he sat perfectly still looking at his iPod. He didn’t seem to notice anyone else in the room or acknowledge that he was even getting a haircut. His parents commented to the hairdresser how great it was for him to have this iPod so he wouldn’t be fidgety (or moving at all) during the haircut.
It looked to me (the observer nearby), as if this was becoming more of a common thing. At every opportunity that we as parents have, we “plug in” our children in various technological ways so as to make them “behave better” or “be quieter” or “calmer” or completely silent and robot-like. I see this “plugged-in” child everywhere: airports where the wait can be long, airplanes where nobody wants to hear a child’s voice, Walmart sitting silent in the shopping cart. Any time there is an opportunity for possible excitement or exploration, discovery or boredom by children, we as parents can now “plug them in.”
Instead of helping our kids learn patience, self-control, creativity when boredom arises or just learning about new places: “What happens at the post office or the bank or the supermarket?” We seem to want to make life easier on ourselves and find a lot of reasons to “plug our kids in” with iPhone apps, videos to watch “educational games etc.”
My daughter has used an iTouch at school and now wants one from either the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. My son, who doesn’t even know what an iTouch is, asks for one too. “What?” I scoff. “What about Barbie dolls or Star Wars figures?” Neither one of them will be getting anything starting with an”i” for birthdays or Christmas. I don’t plan on buying my kids an iPod, iTouch, iPad, or iPhone any time soon. One main reason is because neither I or my husband has any of these. However, there are more important reasons why:
1. My kids are 4 and 6. I want them to act their age. Technology is great in many ways but I want my young children to be kids. I want them playing outside a lot, playing with toys: blocks, dolls, Lego, dress up, pretend play, books, coloring, painting, exploring, riding bikes, swimming, creating, being with friends, making childhood memories!
2. We live on a beautiful island. I want my kids to have a childhood full of nature and the outdoors. I want them to see the ocean every day when we drive by it on the way to school and not be glued to an iPhone app. I want them to walk and run and explore Maui. I want them to go in the ocean and the pool so much that there is always wet swimsuits hanging in our bathroom. I want to see sand and dirt and mud and grass and evidence of outdoor play on their clothes at night. I want them to fully live their childhood on this island.
3. I want to hear my children’s voices. I want to hear them asking questions about everything. I want them to talk and argue with each other: figuring out how to get along. I want them to play and interact and sing and put on shows and play the drum set too loud every day. I want to know how my kids are feeling. I want them to share about their day not just unwind by playing video games or tune out in front of a screen.
4. I want my kids to be bored. I want that boredom to lead to creativity and play. I want them to figure out within themselves or each other how to cure that boredom with tangible objects within our environment. I don’t want them to fill the boredom immediately with a surreal world. I want them engaged in Life!
Recently there has been research on technological devices and how they may affect kids. In this article, Nancy Carlsson-Paige who has written the book: Taking Back Childhood, discusses this subject. She writes: ”Kids need first-hand engagement — they need to manipulate objects physically, engage all their senses, and move and interact with the 3-dimensional world. This is what maximizes their learning and brain development. A lot of the time children spend with screens takes time away from the activities we know they need for optimal growth. We know that children today are playing less than kids played in the past. Researchers who have tracked children’s creativity for 50 years are seeing a significant decrease in creativity among children for the first time, especially younger children from kindergarten through sixth grade. This decline in creativity is thought to be due at least in part to the decline of play.”
There has been much discussion and research on television too, and how too much screen time hurts children. I took a drastic measure and got rid of our TV completely a few weeks ago. The kids have not asked for it or asked about it once.
Read more from Nancy at Less Stuff More Happy.
More inspiration to live with less …
- Trade stuff for Time and Space
- Try the minimalist fashion Project 333 Course
- Read Clutterfree
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to Be More with Less and connect with me on Twitter.
33 Responses to “Simplicity in Action: Nancy”
Comments
Read below or add a comment...
please comment
subscribe your way …
BRAVO! This is what TRUE parenting is about!
“I want my kids to be bored. I want that boredom to lead to creativity and play”
Years ago we unplugged our children’s lives. No cable television, limited internet, and video games on Saturday only. My daughter learned to speak Japanese, attended school in Japan for a year, and is currently studying Asian Studies at Sarah Lawrence College. My son learned guitar, music composition, and is a phenomenal musician. I doubt they would have achieved these things given the opportunity to sit in front of a screen for hours at a time.
Dan @ ZenPresence
Dan,
I keyed on the same part of this wonderful story as you did. I just have one child so far – a two-year-old with an exploding vocabulary and a fun rebellious streak – but I’ve already thought a bunch about how I want him to interact with the world. As he gets old enough to make his own choices about how to communicate, how to be entertained, and how to interact with his environment, do I want him choosing the options that isolate or integrate?
I guess just asking that question probably gives away my position on that one. It’s encouraging to see how other children have evolved without the “must”s in a technologically advanced society.
I understand all your reasons. I have two granchildren, both 3 years old, a girl and a boy. I am taking very seriously their education and have an understandable fear of not being able to transmit all the wisdom that I have gathered in my live. They are good at playing with the most simple things: a leave, watching the ducks in the river, describing the shops we come across, cooking… But the boy is a big fan of technology. He uses my iMac to watch family pictures and videos, to write his name and the names of his mates in a notepad … But he is not drawn to IT by boredom, but for discovering. Probably each child and family has to find the correct way to use everything around, including technology. By the way, the iPad is restricted for them to Saturdays and Sundays
One exception: Their 3rd anniversary.
Oh Nancy, I wish that for every child. I work with elementary-aged children who are often inside watching TV or playing video games. What about the creek behind grandma’s house where the tadpoles turn to frogs? What of the tree climbing and knee scraping?
Such an important post and so close to the holidays. What if a child were given a coupon for a hike with Mom or Dad? A bike ride with Aunt Katie?
Thank you for the feedback. I love those ideas Tammy: Exploring, finding frogs, tree climbing etc. This is what I did as a kid and I want my kids to do as well. My kids are exposed to so much more “screen time” than I ever was as a child. Some of it is very fascinating to me! Some of it seems so educational too, at times, but I still stop, and think to myself: What is better for my small children: learning about fish and dolphins by seeing a cool video of them or going out our front door (we live on Maui) and swimming in the water with them!
Wow, Nancy. I vote for swimming in the water with them! Beautiful.
I couldn’t agree with you more Nancy. We got rid of our television almost five years ago; our daughters, ages 7 and 10, have not missed it a bit. We homeschool and use the computer for research, but you are more likely to find us with a book than in front of the computer. We stay busy exploring, learning, and playing. It concerns me very much when someone finds out we don’t have television and their first response (child or adult) is “What do you do?!” So many people have forgotten about the world just out their door. Congratulations to you for creating a wonderful environment for your children to be children.
I would have valued this post more if it hadn’t begun in such a judgemental manner. My 4 children spend most of their time playing in nature, reading and engaged in creative play. TV is highly regulated and limited. However, having a haircut while using an ipad will make my 3 year old happy, and signifigantly decrease my stress level.
I would like to be able to parent the way I feel fit when out in society without the fear of becoming a cautionary tale in a blog post.
The example I gave about observing a child having a haircut and “being plugged in” was/is a common observation I have in our society today. There are certainly many other ways kids can be “plugged in” all day. I have many friends that use technology with their kids all the time: in the car, in the store, and at home. I will admit it makes life as a busy parent easier: easier for me to make dinner or get errands done, if my kids are occupied with such things. But it does worry me. It worries me with them not being out exploring but also in other ways: not learning patience for instance.
Parenting is always a tough topic to discuss, as every parent will have different beliefs, goals and ways of parenting best. When I first had my daughter, I got her a Baby Einstein video. I remember sitting her up in her bouncer and putting her in front of the TV. I thought to myself: Oh look she likes it and is learning something too. I never did that with my son. Life certainly has not slowed down but I try my best to live without technology day to day….especially since we live on Maui: I just don’t want them to miss out on all the amazing aspects of growing up on this island!
I would agree with Eva’s comment. My son attends a Montessori school with no TV and will always independently choose his imaginative toys over television if given the choice. He asks a ton of inquisitive questions and has a great attention span. But he won’t sit for a haircut without the TV – I’ll give it to him next time too, thanks.
No children, no worries. I watch how connected our society has become, children and adults alike. When you only make decisions for yourself about technology and it’s use it’s hard for others to judge and when they do you don’t have to care. Being tied to an iphone or an ipad 24/7 is great, just not for me.
I couldn’t agree more! My grandkids are always plugged into something, it makes me sad. Trying to have a conversation with them is a painful, fruitless task. When their dad (my son) was a kid we had to do a far bit of driving every weekend. He and his sister made up the craziest games to counter the boredom. One was their version of game shows. I’d be laughing so hard, one time I had to pull over to wipe my eyes. Another was to sing Christmas carols in July. Fantastic memories that we share today. As for my grandkids they are missing out on so much (we all are) because they have no-contact-with-others required ways of amusing themselves.
Genevieve: You just made me remember a wonderful childhood memory. When I was a kid and we would go on family camping trips every summer, us kids would have to endure long drives to get there. So my older sister would sew together a pocket activity thing that hung over the back of our parents seats. Every hour of the trip, my brother and I would get to open a pocket and there would be something special inside for us; something my sister had gotten for us: a game, a book, a puzzles, puppets…something for us to do and make the trip more fun. It was a great memory! When my own kids were 3 and 1, I went to the same location with my sister to camp. I brought for my kids, for the long car ride, a lot of books and puppets!The puppets were a huge hit! We had so much fun story telling with those puppets! Now, we have to endure long plane rides to go see relatives, and I am still a hold-out with technology. I bring lots of books and other little activities for the plane ride.
They had another game that involved pulling each other’s tongue. The winner was determined by who let go first! I wish I had thought of puppets
Before you judge the person you see one time giving their kid a i something to play with, remember that for most of us, it’s to get through that last 5 minutes at the grocery store. To not have to bear the stares and shut that kid up looks on what has probably been a 12 hour day of airports and airplanes. The parents who want to eat at a restaurant once in awhile and don’t have a reliable babysitter. Yes my 2 year old gets my phone sometimes. But she also has a huge vocabulary, loves to draw and make nests, play in the snow. So congratulations on unplugging. Me, we’ll play outside and then have a nice game of fruit ninja. Thanks. Don’t for a second think your kid is better than mine because mine plays with electronics.
My children are not better than any other child out there!
So nice to read a fellow Maui resident’s story here
I’m not a mom but I think it does depend on the parents’ lifestyle too. If the adults have difficulty unplugging, it probably leads to the kids doing the same.
I grew up on Maui and just moved back two years ago. We rode our bikes, jumped in the ocean and hiked through the crater. No one was taking pictures or engaging with anyone who wasn’t physically present. I think it will be interesting to see how the new generation is affected by the changes in tech. While it is important to have technology skills there definitely needs to be a balance. I think many blogs, books and periodicals now talk at lengths about appreciating the small everyday things because we truly have to carve out space and be conscious to do that.
I think of technology as a learning and creativity tool, with occasional consortium of media and games.
With this intent, I bought a laptop and iPod touch for my 13 year old daughter, who doesn’t live with me, looking forward to seeing what she would create and learn. Sadly, as I only have a minor influence over her time, these two devices have primarily become consumption tools, with very little creativity or learning. I do what I can to help guide her in a more positive use of these tools.
I agree that as a consumption device, technology needs to be limited. But with the right guidance, using it to photograph, create videos, animations, or to solve problems, I think technology has a great place.
It’s the guidance and interaction with another human with the device that is important, not just allowing it to be a pacifier.
Although I have not read her book, I agree with Nancy. Ear buds and children are only going to lead to many deaf adults or young adults with poor hearing.
If we cocoon our children with iPods and music how will they learn to think & reason?
It seems if we cannot iPod or television them they are given pills. I would not want to be a child.
If only more parents were as perceptive as you! I am involved in education and see many parents who defer too readily to the “experts” who have managed to convince them that a child plugged in and hooked up is in constant learning mode.
They are learning, all right, but not necessarily learning what they need to know. As you said, Nancy, they need to learn, “patience, self-control, creativity when boredom arises…” These qualities are sadly lacking in the little ones who can keep the buds out of their ears.
Sorry – I meant those who CAN’T keep the buds out of their ears
I think people have become too obsessed with technology. And using technology to help with parenting. I think technology is a great creative tool but not at the price of parenting. Sit a kid in front of a Telly while you make dinner or have the kid help you make dinner asking questions about the ingredients. Sadly, Telly wins mostly. As a child I loved collecting the tadpoles in my hands and putting them in a bucket. Rhys and I would compare and try to get the biggest one. Or playing in the bush beside us. Or going on long bike rides. Unfortunately I grew up when technology was booming and tv and DVD was really popular so the outdoor activities turned into indoor tv watching. I feel saddened that I spent many years of my youth and adolescence glued to a couch and tv. All those tadpoles that got away.
Love that there is a great conversation going on here because it’s an important topic. We’ve been pacifying children long before iPads and iPhones. When my daughter was young it was Elmo and Barney and today, mobile devices are the pacifier of choice. I don’t say that with a judgmental tone, only a realistic one.
I think the big difference is that now we can pacify them anywhere, and while it may only be 5 minutes a day, once we get a taste of how much easier our chores, travels and other “things to to” are without antsy kids, 5 minutes turns to 10 and then on and on.
All of this said, no one is comparing the goodness of children. They are all good and wonderful and beautiful and deserve parents who are thinking about their health and happiness.
This conversation is about becoming better connected to our children and giving them a better chance to become better connected to the world in a society that has will continue to offer more and more distraction.
I think this is a great conversation and it looks like it has pushed some buttons. It should! Parenting is sort of a high stakes endeavor. I read this last night and reflected on the hour of TV my kids had been watching (Dinosaur Train and Cat In The Hat). I do try to set a limit on their tv watching. We don’t have cable in the house and they (an really I mean the three year old as the 18 month old generally ignores the tv) only see PBS kids, online videos from the Olympics and Cosmos (daddy is a geek
. And Dancing With The Stars. I do think that these shows provide opportunities for learning, in the sense that after an episode of Cosmos Daddy will take them outside to look at the stars. We “play” Olympics and dance around the living room. We talk about the situations they see, how characters behave and whether they are following rules. I admit to being skeeved out by the mini vans with the built in video screens in the backs of the front seats, but maybe if we had a big commute I would feel differently. Honestly my biggest challenge is modeling. I find myself automatically checking my smartphone in line and banned it from the kitchen table, but guess where I’m siting right now. I think setting positive examples for our kids is more important than the odd game of fruit ninja (also a favorite in our house.)
What a great thing to wake up (on Maui, we just awoke), and read such thought provoking comments. I appreciate all the comments and feedback. It is great to see people discussing this important topic. Technology is growing at such a fast rate, I don’t think we know what the impact will be exactly on our young children. I do like the sentiment of using technology NOT as a passive device but only as a learning tool/interactive method for our kids. I suppose it is a fine line, figuring out when that always is.
My kids are a bit behind most of their friends in pop culture: my daughter doesn’t know who most celebrities are. Last summer, an older child asked my daughter who her favorite celebrity-singer was. My daughter said: “Well, I like how my brother sings.” The other girl clarified what “celebrity” meant, and asked her: “Do you like Justin Bieber?” To this girls surprise, my daughter did not know who Justin Bieber was. She was only 6, and I am not really worried about her not knowing the latest pop star! I prefer her to be singing along with her little brother anyways!
Love your essay! I completely agree with you, Nancy. I have two kids, 2 yrs and 5 mos, and I’ve taken a serious look at technology and it’s impact on us. My husband and I are not techies in the first place and don’t spend a lot of time “plugged in” but the little time we do is already effecting my two year old. We hope to live our lives in the present moment just as you’ve described above.
Re: your comments on boredom. Check out the Marshmallow study if you haven’t already. Empirical evidence shows that a child’s ability to handle delayed gratification (be bored and keep themselves entertained) actually reflects in their behaviors as teens and adults and leads to more productive individuals. Whoa!
I know one kid who grew up with no TV. He went to an Ivy league school, is a published poet, speaks a second language, and is an accomplished musician now. I do think there’s a correlation.
Thank you Ashley. I am going to look into that Marshmallow study. Sounds interesting!
I know plenty of brilliant, accomplished people who grew up with TV. It all depends on what, how much and how you’re watching.
Great article! I agree. If I have kids, they are going to be disconnected from those things too. I don’t even watch cable tv myself and never plan on purchasing it. I also don’t understand why so many people have these things anyway. One feature of these things is that they are supposed to keep you better connected to people, but then we fail to really connect with people on the level that we should. It’s a type of impersonal connection that is superficial.
Thank you Katrina. I appreciate your feedback and insight!
Theory and practice? In practice, kids are so monitored, controlled, supervised and over-protected these days, it’s no wonder parents often give themselves no choice but to use technology as a baby-sitter or haven’t the time to spend time with children, helping them to discover the world.
What I miss in this discussion is the time kids used to get on their own, to play and not have to do something educational all the time – whose kids actually get any injuries these days, a scraped knee, a bruised bottom, a cut on their finger or even a broken limb?! When we were children there were constant injuries and kids learnt the limitations of their world. Now it’s all cotton wool – protectors, helmets, padding and prohibition.
In 1973, Brownies were actively encouraged to make fires, make tea, shop, explore, know nature – on their own, no less!! How times have changed.
Very good point. I agree: kids need lots and lots of free time, unstructured play…just time to roam around the neighborhood with friends and find things to do. My husband and I both grew up doing that: riding our bikes to the park without our parents and playing, then coming home for dinner; with dirt on our bodies and bruised knees. My husband and I talk about this a lot: the good memories of the “old days” Is it fear of safety now, the reason we don’t let our kids do this?….Now I am raising my kids amongst other parents that scdl. their young ones lives, every single day. Not trying to be too hard on parents about it, but so far, I have done very little of that. My daughter and son play a lot with friends and swim and go to the beach, but we don’t “do lessons” yet….no rushing off to dance or sports (not yet…) My daughter is in the girl scouts, which is great in theory…..but she has yet to do anything very adventurous…