Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Tess Marshall of The Bold Life.
My first experience with simplifying my life, came when I was 28 years old when Hubs and I went to see our first therapist.
Our oldest daughters were 10 and 8 years old and our twins were six at the time. Our household was chaotic, our lives were out of control and I felt crazy.
We knew something had to change!
During our first session, I talked a mile a minute because that’s what crazy people do! At the end of the hour, Dr. Hartwick us homework. Desperate for relief, we did exactly as we were told.
The first exercise was to slow down the speed of our lives. Our family talked, walked, ate and worked quickly. We allowed ourselves very little down time.
What happens when parents slow down? Children slow down!
The second exercise was in communication. We could only speak to each other if we were looking at each other face-to-face. There was no more calling, yelling or screaming for each other from different rooms in our home. Again, we followed through with our homework.
What happens when parents calm down? Children calm down!
By following through on our homework we transformed the energy within our home in six months.
There are benefits for everything we do, both good and bad. The benefit for our crazy lifestyle was that it gave us an excuse to ignore our problems and the changes we needed to make.
We simplified our life by taking responsibility for our issues and were rewarded with a happier family.
Read on for more ways you can simplify your life and the benefits you’ll gain for doing so.
- Eliminate stress in your day. Create a morning routine that will influence the rest of your day in a positive manner. I write in my gratitude journal and read from a spiritual text. I’ve recently added meditation into my morning routine. Benefit: More peace and calm throughout your day.
- Complain less. Currently, the biggest complaint I hear is about the price of gas. You can’t control the price of gas but you can control how much gas you use. For the next three weeks stop complaining about gas. Learn to use only what you need. When you catch yourself complaining begin your three weeks over again. Benefit: Increased personal power, appreciation and happiness.
- Say ‘yes’ less. Over extending yourself complicates your life. Learn to tell others no when you don’t want to do something. Memorize and repeat this line as needed, “No, that’s not going to work for me.” Pause for five seconds afterwards. You don’t owe anyone a reason or an excuse. If the person persists, repeat it again and pause again. After the second time, the person will get your message. Benefit: Increased self-esteem, self-respect and more time to do what you love.
- Give less time to the media. Life is difficult enough without unnecessary negativity. Go on a media fast. If you’re afraid of being uninformed about current events, ask somebody, “What’s new?” If you can’t cut the media out completely, watch, read or listen to the news one day a week. Benefit: You’ll fear less about your future and spend more time living in the present, feeling calm and peaceful.
- Spend less time online. Too much of anything isn’t a good thing. Learn to be present with the people in your life. When I’m having a face-to-face conversation in a check-out lane my phone is in my purse. If I answer my cell phone when a daughter calls, I walk away from my computer. When we eat dinner our phones and computers aren’t invited. We don’t work after a certain time each night. Everyone’s needs are different. Eliminate digital distractions and be more present with those you love. Benefit: Increased communication and intimacy in your primary relationships.
- Want less. Learn how to love and want what you have. Instead of wanting more material things, express gratitude for your eyesight, hearing, and the ability to breathe. Instead of wanting a perfect body, appreciate the beating of your heart. Awareness increases abundance. Benefit: The ability to recognize you have everything you need and live a more meaningful life.
- Fill your life with people you love. Eliminate toxic relationships. If someone isn’t bringing you up they’re bringing you down. Detach and surrender the relationships that aren’t working for you. To make this transition easier silently repeat to yourself, “I bless you. I release you. I set you free. I allow you to be you and me to be me.” Benefit: Time and space for healthier, more meaningful and loving relationships.
We deserve all of what life has to offer us. It’s easy to attain when we eliminate what doesn’t work and replace it with what can and will work.
In our complicated world, committing to a simple life is the best way forward.
Your homework: Create a list of what isn’t currently working in your life. Next, determine the actions you can take to change your circumstances and begin. Take one step at a time. Give yourself permission to ask for help and remain focused on the benefits of your actions.
Tess is a speaker, author, fear shattering, calculated risk taker, obsessed with being happy, courageous and bold. Her blog, The Bold Life is a juicy mix of inspiration, spirituality, and personal development. Download for free her eBook, “Peace, Love, and Connection” at The Bold Life and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.
If simplicity is changing your life, imagine what it could do for your business.
Sounds like you were lucky and had a really great counselor. You were given some really effective advice.
Hi Keira,
Yes I did have a good counselor. And I was so desperate I did everything he suggested. It worked out because hubs was on board as well.
After six months with hubs, I went by myself and worked out childhood issues. Then a few years later, I was struggling again. I found a female counselor. We went on and off over the years and then our girls went a few times.
It’s funny how life works out. I eventually got a masters degree in counseling psych and practiced for 15 years. Thanks for your support!
Love your name!
I really like that list. Our family recently simplified by giving up TV four nights a week. We have to sit and talk or play games and just connect. Initially it was difficult for all of us, especially my teenage sons, but now it’s one of my favourite times of the day and the boys talk non-stop!!
Great post thanks.
Shona.
Shona,
I know you from A-listers!That’s such a great thing to do. I never wanted a TV but Hubs did! He still loves TV. However when the girls were growing up we only had one. It was in the living room so we always watched it together. It helped monitor what they watched and
we talked about the programs.
You must be having amazing conversations with those teenage boys. They’ll never forget these times together. Happy memories in the bank!
I am glad top hear that someone is trying to eliminate TV for a desect period of time. There is no need to stare at a television screen ffor hours a day, day after day. I hardly even watch TV anymore. I read a book or go for a walk instead. There is just no need to be sucked in by the media. I have also simplified what I wear. i dont wer anything much with printing on it anymore. Instead I wear simple tshirts (or longsleeves in winter) and blue jeans. I weat a coat that is solid color as well, nothing fancy at all. I spend go to church on Sunday mornings and have a meal with my family afterwards. I dont think i need to even be online right now. 🙂 I also dont crave the latest smart phone.
Great list! I’m on board with most but still working on #2&6. I especially agree with #4 – my home was mostly tv-free, even when my kids were teens. And now they are all parents and 75% have mostly tv-free homes, as well. Despite the complaints during childhood, as adults they see the wisdom of not allowing a constant barrage of negative energy to permeate their homes and lives. What I love best about the kids growing up is grandkids. What I love second best is how much smarter I’ve become since they had kids of their own:)
Crystal,
Our good choices with kids have such grand ripple effects. No.2,When I catch myself complaining (who doesn’t get in a funk once in a while;)I write double time in my gratitude book. We were in Mexico yesterday and there is so much poverty but the greatest joy. It reminds me, I have no problems only minor inconveniences!
OMG there are no words for how I feel about my grandkids. None. I think the love we have for them is as close as I’ll get to unconditional love in my life time.
Yes I’m much wiser now as well, and it amazes me how I grow in wisdom each day. Life is good.
Say “yes” less. Boy do I need to work on that one. I am reallllllly trying hard to simply my life and I am having a very hard time. My June has been the busiest month of my life. I am looking at July and it looks way less jam packed. So I hoping this simplifying process can start there. And my favorite…. Fill your life with people you love. I really think this helps. If you have a support team and system it really helps put things in perspective. Great post Tess! You are a rockstar and I promise to do my homework.
Meg,
I would like to suggest you make your own ‘yes list.’ Then you’ll have a stronger reason to say ‘no.’ Try it…it brings such freedom.
I understand about simplifying. It is hard when we’ve lived with excess for so many years. Allow yourself to fall back. But don’t worry. Once you’re committed you can fall back but you won’t stay back! I still fall back myself;)
Hee! I laughed over your price of gas bit Tess. I complained about the price of gas and then I changed my lifestyle to drive less! Now I don’t complain anymore. I have more time enjoying life and the 54 mile daily commute is gone. 🙂
I’ve got most of your ideas down, and the one I’m still working on is #3. There’s an art to withholding yes’s and I’m only just learning it!
Tess, you simply talk the simplest sense. We insist on making life too complicated and actually use the devices designed to prevent this i.e. computers and mobile phones, to do so. When will we learn? Hopefully from now on and from great posts like this!
“Giving less time to the media” is a valuable tip. The media is like a big monster that gorges on our attention. It can never get full. I find little sips of certain media like helpful websites like this are valuable. And if I do give in to giving more time to media, I try not feel guilty about it.
I must say I like having possesions. But I spend what I have, not don’t borrow or use credit.
I’d also say there is a difference between complaining and venting. and why is complaining bad? IMO, there is a limit.
I also like the media, but select which channels I listen to. If something is too negative, I switch off.
And I like being online, I guess I’m a lifelong computer freak haha.. It may not be necessary, but so what? Many things are not, but it doesn’t mean they cannot be useful
I think one major point is people, and how to handle/deal with them. This makes life for me stressful, but it’s something I am learning to handle.