Editor’s Note: This is a post in the series, Simplicity in Action.
Ally
Our story of simplicity began in 2007 when our world as we knew it started to unravel. Poor financial planning (or lack thereof), the underlying mental illness of more/bigger is better, and the infamous real estate bubble all collided to create the perfect storm.
It was a huge wake up call. We rented our house out and moved in with my parents in order to get back on our feet. Humbled to say the least, we were forced to face the questions that had been chasing us for a while:
Questions like …
- Why did we think we needed such a big house?
- Why were we compelled to buy stuff we couldn’t afford?
- Why have we avoided talking about our financial situation?
- Why did we always feel like we needed more?
My money personality as an “avoider” plus his as a “spender” equaled a big mess. I avoided sticky conversations about how we handled our money and left all the decisions to my husband. The “spender” in him took it and ran. But, little by little we learned how to turn things around.
We took classes, went to seminars and had the difficult, sometimes painful discussions.
Once we transformed our old beliefs about money and success, we were able to start decluttering and simplifying our home. Reduce, reuse and recycle has become our new mantra.
At the core of our transformation was cultivating a sense of gratitude and always asking ourselves, “How can we simplify?”.
Over the years we made changes in how we lived, among them are:
- Started talking more about our finances and working together as a team
- Started using the free budgeting tool mint.com
- Started Composting
- Started decluttering
- Repurposed things we already had instead of buying something new
- My husband learned how to fix things
- Focused more on simple food instead of processed
- Stopped letting what others think influence our decisions
Our journey has often times not felt so simple. But when you focus on what’s important in life, such as peace of mind and quality instead of quantity, decisions get easier. We are of course still learning, but at least we’re headed in the right direction.
Ally is a creative introvert seeking and sharing quiet inspiration in a chaotic world. Read more from her at Find Your Flow and connect with her on Twitter.
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The Wall Street Journal had an article in 2007 about how self storage places had become hot businesses to own because folks had become so materialistic that they soon found out they didn’t have enough room in their homes for the ‘stuff’ so were renting at least one rental storage unit.
Then they would buy a bigger home and within a few years would find they didn’t have enough room for the ‘stuff’ and it became a viscous circle. Not to mention an expensive one.
Then in 2010 they ran another article about how many people were losing their homes and were renting multiple storage units. With some then not able to afford the rent on the storage unit and they were being notified that pay up or everything would be sold at auction.
Having a small clean place you can actually afford even in hard times is wiser and it will save your sanity.
Amen, sometimes I think this greedy culture has collectively lost it’s mind. Bring back the sanity, Amen, again.
I agree and sometimes it takes going through the hard times to learn.
I’m not sure how composting and avoiding “processed foods” fits into simplifying your life. These seem to me to be philosophical, even political, views which complicate your life. I am grateful every day for the simplicity of being able to walk into the supermarket and get what I need, rather than grub in the dirt to grow things. I long ago gave up the unprovable but now fashionable, trendy notion that “unprocessed foods,” i.e. “organic,” “natural,” “clean” are nutritionally superior to what I can buy at the store. And the garbage truck comes 3 times a week to the condo complex where I live. I participate in the recycling program, but the last way I would waste my precious time on earth is fiddling with a compost pile. To each his own, of course.
Aside from that, I’m with you on de-cluttering in every way.
Avoiding processed foods and composting simplify my life because it means I am wiser when I buy food, which means less packaging and less waste to begin with. Knowing I am not producing garbage that has to be picked up and then sent to someone else’s ‘back yard’ also gives me peace of mind which is also a health benefit.
And what little kitchen scraps we may have can be composted which then gives me free soil a few months later which means I don’t have to waste gas driving to the store to buy soil which then comes in a plastic bag that is garbage and not recyclable.
While someone in a condo probably doesn’t have room for growing vegetables for someone like me who does have the room, I not only get 100% organic heirloom vegetables to eat fresh as well as dehydrate or can, but I enjoy the sunshine and fresh air and get free exercise.
I shop at a natural foods store. I would be willing to take a blind taste test because organic produce and meats taste better than non-organic…I know this beyond a doubt. Organics are richer in nutrition because they are not grown in depleted soil or fed inferior diets. Consider this, the produce man at my natural foods store used to work at a large chain grocery as the produce manager. He had to quit because all the handling of the non-organic, chemically-laden produce was literally eating the skin off of his hands.
It is much simpler to avoid future health problems and expense by eating the best we can buy (even though up front it is a little more expensive). Did you know they now breed chickens that don’t have beaks? I discovered that little gem from a restaurateur who buys organic eggs and other organic foods to avoid horror situations such as that.
So I agree that shopping at a grocery store is very convenient and simple, but we do need to watch what we consume.
Agree with you Kathy 100%
Eating whole healthy food not only provides more nutrients, but it also means you are satisfied eating less which also helped me lose some weight.
It’s to the point I dislike with a passion having to shop even for needs, even though I avoid as much prepackaged anything as possible.
Consider the silliness of it all. You drive to the store, get a cart, load it up with stuff shipped from miles if not states/countries away. Then you pay and load all the stuff in your car, where you go home, unload, unwrap and throw away packaging you didn’t even need, and if plastic may not even be acceptable via your recycler. For me I want to avoid the silliness as much as possible to begin with.
And if it’s junk food it’s not helping your body and is producing more flushable waste which if you have a water/sewer bill is also costing you money.
For us it was a natural process that began with simplifying and de-cluttering. I think simplifying can be a philosophy as well. People simplify for different reasons, but a big benefit is the impact on the environment. For me it’s much simpler to go to my backyard, grab some lettuce and make a salad, than to drive to the store. It’s really not too difficult to compost, but my husband and I love to fiddle in the dirt anyways.
I agree with Rick’s statement “last way I would waste my precious time on earth is fiddling with a compost pile”. I also do not like to garden. HOWEVER, eating a more ‘whole foods’ diet has definitely made my life more simple. A PB&J sandwich and an apple is now what I consider ‘fast food’ whereas before, I might have made the journey to McDonald’s for something quick. A salad with some beans or nuts and dried fruit is a lovely dinner. Also, I seem to be addicted to ‘soup’ and one-pot meals. Again, I haven’t dumped processed foods all together, but a few changes did make me feel like I gained some time.
Rick, I smiled at your statement “I am grateful every day for the simplicity of being able to walk into the supermarket and get what I need, rather than grub in the dirt to grow things”. I almost bought into the idea that if I was a ‘good consumer’ I would grow my own food. BUT…I realized I would not enjoy it, nor would I want to sacrifice free time for it. So, I just make better choices when I shop and I also support a few local community gardens. For example, my friend LOVES to garden…so I paid for 1/4 of her seeds and pay her $5 a week for 1/4 of what she produces. It’s like a little ‘mini’ CSA next door to me.
Also, I don’t need scientific research to tell me that food laden with pesticides and other chemicals are perfectly fine to ingest on a regular basis and nutritionally sound.
Great list of questions and even better changes you made, Ally!!! Together as a team may be the key phrase in all of this. My wife and I recently underwent similar changes and accomplishing them together brought us closer and we got far more done as a team than we could ever have individually.
Thanks CJ. Yep, making changes as a team can be so difficult, but on the other hand it does bring you closer. I think the hardest part is getting the conversation going and not playing the “blame game”. Congrats on all the changes you guys made.
Thanks Ally!!! We are still making big changes, but I guess that will always be the case. Besides, it’s a real barrel of monkeys;)
Learning how to fix things is huge..great job with that! We are not composting (that’s serious stuff…wow!). Non-processed food is a must. Great job!
Thanks Tony! It was huge, especially thinking back to when we first got married and he’d make all kinds of holes in our walls just trying to put a molly screw in. 🙂
I agree with Tony. Unfortunately (for me and my family) I have told myself that it is cheaper to pay a middle man to make repairs than to attempt them myself. I am now 53 years old, and your article in Simplify your life had one sentence that hit home with me: My husband learned to fix things.
I think it is time I learned to fix things and not pass it on to the ‘expert’.
Thank you.
Ally, thank you for sharing your story! Your last bullet point really struck me:
-stopped letting what others think influence our decisions
I think this is the KEY to successful marriages. Many people contribute to marriages under the guise of helping, and many do mean well, but there should only be two people making decisions in a relationship – the two people in it! 🙂
I agree with Tammy! Letting others’ opinions of me kept me trapped in a vicious cycle of clutter-space-debt-clutter-space-debt for a very long time. I don’t know if I am entirely free from that yet, but I do feel like I’m much futher along than I was.
Denise, I think you were free of it the moment you realized it was a vicious cycle.
Thanks Tammy. It’s key to successful marriages and life in general. You’re right, so many people want to put their two cents in and that’s why it was so important for me and my husband to come together as a team (and establish our own priorities).
Great post, Ally! Glad you and your husband made so much progress.
Hi Ally,
I had just finished up writing an article on four troublesome money beliefs – with “avoidance” being one of them and an issue I struggle with – when I read this:
“My money personality as an ‘avoider’ plus his as a ‘spender’ equaled a big mess.”
The New York Times summarized some research (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/07/your-money/07wealth.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&😉 on the topic, but I like it from the source better. I definitely resonate with parts of the researcher’s description of money avoider tendencies when they wrote:
“[Money avoiders] believe that money is bad or that they do not deserve money. For the money avoider, money is often seen as a force that stirs up fear, anxiety, or disgust. Money avoiders may be worried about abusing credit cards or over-drafting their checking account; they may self-sabotage their financial success, may avoid spending money on even reasonable or necessary purchases, or may unconsciously spend or give money away in an effort to have as little as possible in their control…. Disordered money behaviors such as financial denial, financial rejection, under spending, and excessive risk aversion may result from money [avoidance].”
Does any of that still sound like you? I hope not! The good news is that there are a couple of easy ways to combat these beliefs we might share. You can continue to age (I know we don’t really get a choice in that one) because the research shows that our patterns of money avoidance consistently fall as we age. So if you want to ditch your damaging feelings about shunning money, just turn 80 (or keep aging).
You can also know your net worth, which I imagine you do through Mint.com. Research respondents who didn’t know their net worth scored higher than everyone else on money avoidance beliefs. “Duh,” right? since money avoiders are by name not likely to be aware of their financial situation. 🙂
I enjoyed your story. Thanks to you and Courtney for teaming up to share it!
I know that for us, the “the difficult, sometimes painful discussions” are the main reason why we are in such a good place, and life just keeps getting better and better for us.
Thanks for sharing your story