On day one of the 21-day Decluttering Challenge, I invite you to write a break-up letter to your stuff. You can watch the video challenge here, or read the details below.
Instead of starting the challenge with letting go of your physical stuff, I thought it made sense to start with the emotional stuff. We get attached to our stuff for so many reasons, and that attachment can get in the way of letting go.
Even if you aren’t doing the 21-day challenge, writing this letter may help you let go, and get focused on what you really want in your life.
Write a break-up letter to your stuff and clutter.
You can’t write this letter wrong, but if you’d like some guidelines, this is what I recommend.
- Tell your stuff what you love, or loved about it.
- Say goodbye to your stuff and write about why it has to go.
- Tell your stuff what you want instead. What are you willing to trade your stuff for?
Simplifying your life is a matter of the heart. Once you write this letter, your heart and soul will be in the game. Decluttering and letting go will become easier and more sustainable.
I can’t tell you exactly what to say to your stuff because we each have our own story and relationship with stuff. I do know once you write it down, and really own it, you will never look back. Once simplifying your life becomes a matter of the heart, you will find the strength you need to let go of the clutter, the busyness, and all of the other things standing between you and what matters most.
Use this exercise before you start decluttering, when you hit a wall in your journey to simplify, or when you need extra encouragement to let go.
From the break-up letters.
I asked people participating in the 21-day decluttering challenge to share their break-up letters. Here are some of the very honest things people had to say to their stuff.
“I saved my skinny clothes to get back into them. I saved everything from my kid’s childhood because I thought it would prove how much I loved them. I saved kitchen gadgets because I wanted to feel like a great cook. I saved every wedding, birthday, baby card because I thought I should. I have been buried under all of this stuff for a long time. It’s time to say goodbye.”
“I was always optimistic about all the fun I’d have using you, my well-preserved collection of scrapbooking stuff. My dreams of making scrapbook pages and filling books with family memories, while enjoying artistic expression didn’t quite materialize. Although I enjoyed you for a time, now I just feel guilt about the purchases I made that weren’t used.”
“You are merely my leftover things from the past. It is important for all of my things to live in the present, just like me. In letting you go, you are helping me get to where I belong.”
“Stuff. You have spread all over my home like a contagion. You have created mountains of laundry and piles of despair. You have led to guilt and feelings of inadequacy. I have become a prisoner to you. You keep me from doing the things I want to be doing. I look around at you and feel so ashamed. I’m ashamed that I’ve let things get to this point. I feel guilty that I don’t treat the things that are important to me like they truly are. I can’t find half the things I look for. I look around and my stuff makes me feel angry towards myself and my loved ones.”
“What will happen when you go? I’m afraid to find out. I may find I have nothing to offer or that I gave away stuff I shouldn’t have, that I’ll be unhappy, alone, and unloved. What will I gain when I let go? I need to break up with you to find out. Maybe I’ll have more time with my family, because I won’t be stressed out trying to get stuff done. Maybe I’ll get out the door on the first try because I know where my keys are. Maybe I’ll be able to write more because I’ll have more time. Maybe my relationships with the people I love will be stronger because I’ll be focused on what is most important to me.”
Thank you to everyone who contributed by sharing their break-up letters. They prove our relationship with stuff is messy, that we are not alone in our struggle to live with less, and that we want more for ourselves … more of the good stuff.
We don’t remove the clutter, reduce the stress, and boycott the busyness to have a simple life. We do it to have a life.
Dear white pants. I don’t know when, where, or why I bought you. You were nice, but you are simply out of style now. I did wear you a year ago, but I was uncomfortable in you…and a little embarrassed.
I want to be 10 pounds slimmer and wear a pair of nice white up-to-date pants. Thanks for being around and for letting me hang on to you Way Too Long. I hope someone new finds you and loves you…more than I ever did.
K
I’m not usually into this type of thing but I decided to do it anyways when I saw your challenge video on Facebook and I’m so glad that I did. I wrote my letter to an area of my life that I’ve been growing out of for a while but I still had a lot of guilt and internal pressure to hang on to both the physical and mental aspects of it. But I gave myself permission to let go of it all and I’m working on removing that whole area of my life and making room for new things that I’m actually excited about!
Dear stuff, thank you for being so useful or beautiful when I first got you. The pretty sparkle of jewelry that went with the outfit for that special occasion. The clothes that fit after having just lost weight. Thank you for being so flattering. The lovely mementoes that meant so much and reminded me of good times. The sweet, sweet drawings the kids made just for me when they were overflowing with love for me and wanted to please me. Goodbye. I can still have lovely memories of all these things without having to store it all. Google can make a movie of favorite kids artwork. That way I can enjoy it more than I was before with it all stored in a box. Without all the excess stuff I can find out what God has intended for my life and serve him better. It’s what he wants and what is best for me.
I just retired 2 weeks ago and have not really “cleaned” house in many years. I look forward to getting rid of outdated nursing/medical material, school/work clothes and just making life simpler. My neighbor and friend was going through a divorce when her husband died and she has to deal with all of his “stuff” as well as her own. I do not want to leave a mess for anyone, so I will “do it now”.
Dear Extra Stuff. I am letting you fly free to help somebody else who really needs you, because they struggle to keep food on the table, and a roof over their heads. Goodbye winter jacket, kids origami supplies, funny book, plastic storage tub, and dozens of others – you will all put a smile on someone’s face because you are free and needed. I release you to a new life of being appreciated and used.
Hi Courtney,
I’m drowning in stuff! My home is overrun by kids’ stuff, kitchen stuff – Stuff! Your post is making me ache a lil inside. I so want to start over. I have recently packed away 13 years worth of clothes I kept just in case. It’s a baby step but one I needed to take for a long time. Thank you.
This is great and I imagine could produce some humorous results. We are so attached and this is an easy way to break off the relationship!
This is beautiful, Courtney. As cheesy as it sounds, I often give stuff I’m letting go of a send-off: I hold it and remember what drew me to it, how I’ve found I don’t like it, say thanks to the item for being there for me even if I didn’t use it, and put it in the box.
It’s a small thing – ok, a weird thing for some – but it’s been the main factor that’s kept me from second-guessing killing the hoarding habit. Never thought to write a letter about those feelings though; sounds like that would work too. Thanks for sharing the tip!
Dear Books,
It’s time to let you go. You are 200+ in number. The beauty and timeless wisdom within your thick spines have opened my heart and my horizons in ways I cannot describe. However, I have hurt my spine, time and time again, moving you, in order to take you with me: when I graduated post-baccalaureate, when I got married, when I got divorced, when I moved cross-country (and back), when I re-married, when I moved after my first child. I think I held onto you because you were the one thing that remained constant through all the turmoil of my life. Now I know, that keeping you on my tired shelves cannot make my painful past go away, or turn me back into who I was when we were brand new to each other so many decades ago. My degrees, my intelligence, my wisdom, my identity, my failures, my victories all exist without the physical burden of you. You have forever changed me. Now you will go bless someone else’s life.
Love Always,
Trixie
Amazing but true. A goodbye break up letter I just wrote, 4 pages long and could have been longer: but I feel lighter already.
I don’t need stuff to make me more wonderful.
I am perfect the way God made me.
Sure we all have talents and gifts but books and stuff to make or do stuff with, doesn’t change who I am or who I continue to be. A loving wife,mother,daughter,sister,aunt,grandma.I have all I needed already. I think Dorothy got it right.