Living with less has helped me to develop a love it or leave it attitude with most things, people, and obligations, but we can’t control the universe and there are some things that are ever-present, including fear.Fear never goes away and because I can’t leave it, I love it. That’s right. I love fear. I am grateful for fear.
Fear is a reminder of …
- living fully
- loving deeply
- choosing wisely
The people you think are really brave and courageous are still afraid. They live with the same fear you do.
If the bad news is that fear never goes away, the good news is that it gets easier to work through and walk through with practice. With that knowledge, you can stop trying to end fear and just get on with whatever you are scared to do or experience.
I like to practice doing things that scare me so when the really scary things happen that are completely out of my control, I can see my fear for what it really is. My fear is rarely proportionate to the thing that scares me. It’s never as bad/painful/stressful as I imagine it to be.
Living with less is a practice in my relationship with fear. It’s there …
- Each time I discard an item that I thought I needed or might need,
- When I left my job to do work I love knowing I might make less.
- When I sold my comfortable car.
- When I downsized from 2000 to 750 sq. ft.
Most of the things we are afraid of aren’t really scary though. We are more afraid of what might happen if we try, but if we never try, we never learn, grow, change or fail.
There is an exception to this. Some things actually are as scary as they seem. For instance, if you see a wild, poisonous spider while hiking and are scared that it might bite you, don’t try and pet it to face your fear. Instead, use fear to motivate action, even if that action is walking way.
Don’t let fear paralyze you, but accept it’s invitation to be aware. For the non-wild spidery situations, lean in, dare, try. Live fully.
I could have titled this post 50 ways to face fear and given you different strategies, but there is 1 powerful way to embrace fear.
The single best way to embrace fear is to do it anyway.
Debbie Roes is doing it anyway. She is sharing her story of fear and committing to dressing with only 33 items for the next 3 months. Even though she is a wardrobe stylist. Even though her closet is stuffed with clothing. Even though she is afraid that she will fail. She is doing it anyway. I know how she feels!
When I started minimalist fashion challenge Project 333 as a personal challenge, I was terrified.
- I was scared that you would think I was crazy
- I was scared that people would notice I was wearing the same clothes
- I was scared that I would get bored
- I was scared that I would miss shopping
Many years later, I have nothing but gratitude for acknowledging the fear and doing it anyway.
If you are afraid of dressing with less, you are not alone, but most of the people who take the minimalist fashion Project 333 challenge discover that it really has very little to do with clothing. Instead they are trading fear for honesty, freedom, money, inspiration, passion, peace, adventure and confidence.
Don’t let fear rob you of one more meaningful moment. Go on … do it anyway.
Great reminders – all, Courtney! I think the scariest thing I’ve leaned into to date is leaving my full-time with benefits job to start a business. My fears: What if I’m not good enough, smart enough, business-savvy enough? I was also having serious health issues that might not be “fixed” before COBRA ran out.
Six years later, I am making money comparable to what I left, work half the hours, exercise and feel better than I did 20 years ago. Best of all, I spend every day with my husband. You can’t put a price tag on that!
Awesome Tammy. In my experience, the other side of fear is pretty amazing.
I find it interesting that the best way to embrace fear is to do it anyway. Just doing it, is often the solution to so many things (which, at their core, may be related to fear. For example, just beginning something is the best first step when you are not motivated, or want to try something new. Either fear is much more pervasive than we think or just doing something anyway is simply great advice for many circumstances.
Hi Patrick! I’ve never found that spending a great deal of time analyzing fear, or trying to figure out why I am fearful to be helpful. Instead, moving forward usually remedies my fear and worry.
I agree – and think that was point, although I probably didn’t clarify it well enough. Simply moving forward is generally great advice, and works well here when discussing fear. That’s all. Have a great day!
Great post, Courtney! I love your perspective on fear. It’s encouraging to read that you were also afraid when you began Project 333. I have some of the same fears in addition to the ones I wrote about in yesterday’s guest post. But I know that whenever I do something that scares me, my opinion of myself grows. I feel “bigger” and more empowered and my confidence increases.
I feel that I am emerging from a time in my life when I lived primarily within my comfort zone. I did the safe thing most of the time, but that did not make me happy. I’m thinking that perhaps starting “Recovering Shopaholic” and embarking upon Project 333 are the first steps of my journey to a “bigger” life. My life feels small, but the fact that I am putting myself out there even just a little bit is helping me to feel like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. At age 46, I am starting to blossom and I am excited for the ride! Of course, I will still be scared, but I will grit my teeth and move forward – through the fear and into an exciting new life!
I’m definitely fearful of reducing the number of clothes I have in my closet. I don’t have a lot of stuff in my life, but I’m kind of attached to the stuff I do have. Reducing it further is something I only do when I travel. I guess I have to start exploring the idea of reducing further, if I wish to brave the fear that occupies me.
Thanks for the reminder about poisonous spiders, Courtney. They really ought to be left alone.
Leaving my not so comfy yet stable music teaching job was the scariest. But Tammy and I have made a habit of taking risks and I have not regretted any as much as a missed opportunity.
This is a great post. I also think of it as embracing the fear. I do alot that scares me and I embrace it. But I see that embracing the fear makes you understand the fear. There are some things that we know is not right for us. It makes you see clearly on things instead of not wanting to do something because you are scared (you won’t even give it a thought).
For example, I’ve wanted to try Roller Derby. It got put on the backburner for a variety of reasons. 2012 was a tough year on my body, because of lots of injuries and two surgeries. My first marathon is in October. I went to see my first Roller Derby match last Saturday and realized that I’m not going to pursue this sport. It’s just too much for my body right now. I will try the bootcamp, but long-term, it’s not for me. I had fun watching it…alot of fun, but I saw the hits. I recover much slower than years before. So, embracing my fear (was going to do it no matter what) and then watching this sport, I realized that my life would be okay if I didn’t try to join a team. It’s not like I don’t do things that scare me…I skydive regularly and willing to try anything. So, their one day bootcamp is enough for me. And I may re-evaluate after my marathon, but for now, I just don’t need to clutter my time with another sport that will hurt me (it’s not a myth). I accept that and move on to the next daredevil thing that I want to try (heli-skiing anyone?). I hope that makes sense.
Because fear is such a big part of my life, this article spoke to me in so many ways, Courtney. I’m slowly boxing up and moving too!
Fear of failure is my constant companion – so much so that it has stopped me from trying to do the things I really want to succeed at, and I have found myself spending time on things that I don’t even really care all that much about. Recognizing the fear is the key to overcoming it.
Thanks for a thought-provoking post.
Your posts always inspire me, Courtney! Thank you for that.:)
Two summers ago, I went skydiving with my son…but that was easier to do than cleaning out my clothes closet! Why is it so difficult to part with items I haven’t worn in 10 or 20 years? What am I afraid of? I will reread what you’ve written and see if I can discover the answer…because I want to/need to do this!
Courtney, great post! Excellent insights!
I am definitely dealing with fear right now … I want to leave my safe/secure/high-paying job to start a business, but I am battling not only my fear, but my husband’s fear as well … it is so very scary to leave behind a sure thing for a very un-sure thing. How did your husband deal with you leaving your job? What did you have to say/do to win over his support — for example, did you have to show how you would be able to live within his income alone and still cover all your monthly expenses, etc? Was he skeptical about your ability to make a living in your new business, but you left your job anyway and he got over it eventually? Did you go through a phase where it looked like it might not work out, and how did your husband react then? I would love to hear more about that, if you’re comfortable discussing it.
I may have missed you mentioning this in a previous blog, but when you sell your house where are you planning to move to?
I deeply connected with the comment “The single best way to embrace fear is to DO IT ANYWAY.”
Fear is something I struggle with every day, with my photo blog, the fear of being creative, being judged and being public. But for the last three months, I have been doing it anyway.
It never gets old talking about facing our fear, especially since there is something new to scare us around each corner! I am battling the demons right now, since I will be giving notice to my job and going on to make a LOT less money in a few months. I have never experienced this emotion in regards to jobs, since I have been steadily “climbing” for years. But yes…do it anyway is the mantra. Thanks!
I feel like there are so many things I need to say about this post and my “fears”, but they might be able to be summed up in the fear of what others think. And I don’t even know why I care so much.
1.) Fear of being judged for not having a lot of clothes (I have been dancing around Project 333 but am scared to dive in. I told a friend in conversation I only owned 3 bras, and she looked at me like I never take a shower!)
2.) Fear of my kids being judged for living in a small house/driving a small old car.
3.) fear of having a job with no benefits (or no “traditional” job at all) since my husband went freelance (he’s a musician).
And more, but not this comment is getting long. Fear of being Different than the norm. But, I need to just “dive in”. Because I know that it’s going to be a good choice once I do it.
Thank you so much for your inspiration.
Kate
Hi Courtney,
I love the idea that you love Fear and use it as a reminder, a springboard and a trigger to appreciate and to be mindful about the great things life has to offer. I am constantly reminded that we live on borrowed time and fear, like stress in a way is something to confront and even embrace – so I loved reading this article.
I am lucky to have the life that I do but in my worst moments I try and remember it’s all relative anyway and also that it will pass, whatever ‘it’ is at that time.
Hi Courtney,
I started Project 333 yesterday. I was a little scared, but had done some minimalism stuff before now. Mostly, I felt I was too busy to try to start. But I read this post and just decided to yesterday, and I just decided to start now instead of waiting til April 1 for the next cycle, and then go until July 1st anyway. Couldn’t be more happy with the results already. It took me 3 minutes to pick out an outfit yesterday and the day before. Simplicity is my bliss right now.
When I fear about my future, that don’t make good feel but it’s realized then I focus do what I can do and I believe that if we focus something growing slowly then it can growing more. I know that is my process of growing with long time.
YES. People used to say they thought I was fearless, but I’m constantly reminding them now that I am scared pretty much all the time. I’ve learned how to be brave instead. 🙂