Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Corey Allan of Simple Marriage.
Tell me if you’re anything like me … I go through times where there’s an unsettling feeling in my gut.
The sorry thing is, when this happens, I usually can’t put my finger on anything particular that causes it.
It’s simply a feeling of discontent or restlessness. It’s not overwhelming or a feeling of doom, and it’s not the insane amount of crappy food I ate while on vacation. It’s simply a nagging feeling that something’s just off or not aligning right.
Do you experience this too?
My last major bout with this feeling was during the holidays last year. The good thing – after the holidays, I was finally able to place my finger on the cause.
I took my kids out to spend some of their Christmas money from grandma and I made the mistake of taking them to the toy abyss that is Toys R Us.
While their eyes lit up at all the choices before them and their pockets heated up from the money burning to get out, what stood out to me was all the other people franticly moving about the store.
Standing in the isles of mountains of toys, the nagging feeling in my gut became clear. I was surrounded by a never ending environment aimed at consuming, while living in a world that teaches scarcity.
The trouble with scarcity is that you operate under the principle that resources are limited and that we can never truly have enough. It’s like we’d better work as hard as we can to ensure that we don’t lose out to someone else – and we better work to get all we can from those around us.
Unfortunately, this is the default mode of operation for many. And if we’re not careful, this spills over into our expectation of marriage and relationships. Marriage becomes all about what will make me happy or what my spouse can provide in order to “complete me.”
The problem with this … no person can complete you or make you happy. There may be moments where you experience this – but they’re fleeting moments at best. The challenge is to be self-aware, change the way you view things, and grow up.
The first step is to adopt an idea of enoughness. How much do you really need to a) meet your basic needs, and b) do the things you enjoy?
Have you ever struggled with enoughness? Or on the flip side, have you experienced the satisfaction of enough? The pure, simple pleasure of having all you need and the sweet sense of contentment?
Know this … When you learn how to be content, you increase your capacity to enjoy.
To the naked, untrained eye, it appears that more consumption would increase contentment, but this is not the case at all. The real answer lies in the idea of enoughness; adequate provisions to live in modest comfort.
All we need is … enough.
Living with this idea of enoughness means you are consuming to meet your basic needs without limiting your capacity to enjoy. Your capacity for enjoyment can grow at all times.
One of the best ways to increase your capacity for enjoyment is through the act of creating. Whenever you make something, write something, build something, or imagine a new idea, you add value to the world.
This also applies to improving your marriage. Think of it this way, when you grow up and become better, your relationship gets better. And as you create more, you perfect your craftsmanship, further increasing your capacity to enjoy!
Both you, and I, and the world, are better off with enoughness.
So, what can you create to add value to the world?
You can read more from Corey at his blog, Simple Marriage, or subscribe to his feed.
“When you learn how to be content, you increase your capacity to enjoy” –simply perfect. I’m learning how to be content, but at the other end of the spectrum. I have been holding the belief that continually purging items and having less and less would increase my level of content. Not so. Now, I’m just trying to figure out where that balance lies. This was very much needed today. Thank you!
It’s interesting that minimalism can simply replace consumerism if we’re not careful. You’re right, the goal is finding what works for you in between the two.
Content. It’s a good place to be, and yes I believe needs practice.
We’ve started doing things differently in our relationship for contentment. For instance last night we went to the natural food store deli, picked a couple of nice items, brought our water from home and went to the beach for a sunset dinner.
It was much more romantic than the expensive restaurant, really expensive drinks, and being seated just far enough away from the ocean to hear the clatter of everyone else’s dishes being served! And we really didn’t miss the fat bill at the end of all that 🙂
Loved the post. Will check out Simple Marriage blog for more great ideas.
I have enough. I do enough. I am enough. I remind myself of these three sentences when I’m feeling that in my stomach.
Great thoughts Tess. Thanks.
I am familiar with that feeling in my stomach. 🙂 I’m finding that as I get older and am kind of growing into myself, I am more aware of what I need and more content with what I have.
This has been huge for my marriage. I can ask for what I need, and it’s taught me to be content with the wonderful husband that I do have, instead of being focused on the wonderful husband I don’t have (aka Hugh Jackman)
Being able to be content in my self and my marriage helps give me the freedom to create. Whether that’s a piece of writing or a home-cooked meal, or a family game.
I absolutely love this statement! “I’m finding that as I get older and am kind of growing into myself, I am more aware of what I need and more content with what I have”
It’s all about growing up.
If there’s one thing I haven’t had ”enough” of, it is reading/thinking/talking about
this idea of ”enough.” Knowing what is ”enough” will simplify life, and yes, make one feel better and more whole, be better for others (including our Earth) and prevent us from overconsuming. I’m always looking for inspiration and affirmation about
”enough” until I can stand on my own two feet and not be pulled into the undertow of
the American (?Global?) cultural ideal of more/big/better/shiniest/fastest/best etc.
stuff, stuff, stuff. So, thank you for the post. Hopefully the idea of ”enough”
can reach a critical mass so our all of our collective lives will be transformed in a positive way. And regarding your ideas on adding value/creating: I think it is key to our contentment as humans. Most jobs, and even possibly, ”careers” nowadays (at least in the US) are just a trade of time for money (to use to in turn consume) and it’s not very fulfilling.
Creating allows us to bring something forth from within ourselves that is paradoxically fulfilling—-And over-consuming doesn’t fill some empty void within us, rather it makes us stuffed and uncomfortable.
We can find ourselves searching for happiness outside ourselves and forget to look inside. True happiness comes from the everyday things in life. As I go along, I find simplicity works best.
Hi Corey,
Thank you for the great point! No other person and no other thing can make us happy. Just ourselves. Creating, sharing, giving – all these things contribute to our satisfaction. Our life is as satisfying or dissatisfying as we make it in our mind. I wish that more people realized this point instead of drowning themselves in consumerism, or worst…
Thank again,
Vlad