If simplifying your life feels like an endless cycle of post holiday decluttering, spring cleaning, and trying to keep your closet under control every season, it may be that your heart is not really in the game. I’m not passing judgement or trying to insult you. In fact, I know what you are going through.
While decluttering, reducing obligations, paying down debt, and simplifying your wardrobe are all part of simplifying your life, those are just the mechanics.
Likewise, if you want to lose weight, eating less and moving more are just small steps towards a bigger lifestyle change.
So why do we have to keep starting over?
Why do we take one step forward and two steps back? A little of that is part of the learning process, and part of leaning into change, but on a bigger scale, if you don’t know why you want to change, or if your reasons for change don’t resonate with your heart, you’ll repeat the change over and over again without sustainable results.
I know this, because I’ve done it. I spent years attempting to make healthy lifestyle changes. I wanted to eat less, exercise more, spend less, and save more, but my reasons were all superficial and my heart said, “I don’t believe you.”
After being diagnosed with MS in 2006 after months of debilitating vertigo and fatigue, and learning how stress impacts the disease, and all disease, my heart was paying attention. I decided to eliminate as much stress as possible from my life to rescue myself from a downward slide and change the course of my disease. As I mentioned, I had tried to make healthy lifestyle changes over the years, tried hundreds of times, but without this compelling reason to change, I never did.
If your heart isn’t in the game, permanent change doesn’t stand a chance. Really understand your motivation to change. What’s pulling on your heart? For instance, quitting sugar to lose 10 pounds to fit into your high school jeans for a reunion may get your ego’s attention, but it might not really speak to your heart, but if you think quitting sugar will help you sleep better, prevent cancer, and live longer … now it’s a matter of the heart.
You already have a compelling reason to simplify your life.
The good news is, you don’t have to wait for a life changing diagnosis or a major wake-up call. I had many reasons to change before things started to fall apart, but I used my busyness as an excuse. I didn’t have time to pay attention to what was going on in my own life and heart. I could have made time, but it wasn’t a priority, and I was scared to acknowledge it because once I did, I knew I’d have to make a change.
Change is scary, but looking back over the past 10 years, I’m so grateful I did it anyway. The more stress I released, the more time and space I created. Finally, there was room for more love; self-love, how I love my family, creating work I love … all the love. Each change I made to simplify my life demonstrated that less stuff = more love.
I can’t tell you what your reasons are, but I do know once you identify them, vocalize them, and write them down, you will never look back. Once simplifying your life becomes a matter of the heart, the universe will conspire to support and help you. You will connect with like-minded people, and find the strength you need to let go of the clutter, the busyness, and all of the other things standing between you and what matters most.
I have been following your blog for a couple of years now, but have been like the person in this post…constantly battling the “stuff” without ever making anything more simple. Every time I got close to making a “bigger” change I got scared. I feared that I was not going to be “normal” that my children would not be okay without a yard for a kiddie pool. I let my fears take away the dream of living a simple life. I finally came to a realization that I am done maintaining and doing and ready to live. I am ready to have a space small enough to clean quickly, a space that only allows for the most important belongings to be kept and a space that allows us time to do more living as a family. 2016 is the year to make a change. I no longer want to worry about an unexpected house expense (water heater, furnace…) or the necessary roof maintenance, siding to be painted… Thank you for all of your inspiration and comments on how this lifestyle has benefited you. I am ready to be simple, and in that find abundance of love and happiness.
Courtney, it is like you are speaking my story. I am trying to change as well-somethings are easier than others.
I do live a fairly clean life. No drugs, no alcohol, etc. I have a medical condition that required me to retire.
There were two good things that came from retirement. I do not have the expenses associated with working and it made me more price aware.
I also work on myself daily.
I’m simplifying after a divorce. I realized that the whole narrative I had of myself, what kept me in an emotionally abusive relationship, wasn’t me. I wasn’t the awkward high school girl or the partying college student. Getting rid of the things that defined me then and no longer define me now opens up my visual space so I’m reminded every day of the things I want to be reminded of: my pets, my friends, my interests.
I’m just tired of watching time go by and not having accomplished my goals. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and realize I spent so much time on things that didn’t matter, that the things that did matter never got the attention they needed to flourish.
Very good point!
I am simply tired of all the stuff in our house. We spend time and money maintaining it, cleaning it, organizing it, and so on. I started thinking how there are so many things that I want to do, but “don’t have time” because I should be cleaning the house, or doing this and that. I have finally recognized the pattern and really started to make some progress.
Thank YOU Courtney for all your guidance. You touch my life daily. I have been on the path to creating a more simple life. Not just to be healthy and happy in the present but also for the future.
I want to have a full, long life with the person I love. I want us to be playful and adventurous. In order to do that I have to be healthy – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. In most of those areas I am successful. Health is my focus this year. With less obligations to others and stuff, I am committing more time to myself and my health.
Courtney, thank you. I don’t know how I got on your email list but I am glad I did.
I’ve been working on living more simply since going to the World Domination Summit in 2013. I got a big boost in ’14 when I radically downsized and became more nomadic.
I look forward to your supportive writing.
Michael
Beautiful and inspiring words as always Courtney.
Simplifying was never really a goal of mine but a subtle shift that has happened over the course of years. I’ve made many steps but still have more ground to cover.
I don’t really make new year resolutions but one aspect of my life I am trying to simplify and make more healthy right now is my evening and morning routine. I tend to stay up too late, not always sleep well and then wake up later than I’d like feeling groggy. I was inspired by a recent post I read of your morning routine.
I’m looking forward to learning more from you this coming weekend at the Think Better, Live Better event in Austin!
See you in Austin!
The impetus for simplifying – for me – comes from this small voice that has been inside me for a long while saying that there is too much noise in my life. Too many emails, too much paper, too many sleepless nights from not dealing with the email, the paper, and the things you’ve forgotten except for the nagging voice saying you’ve forgotten something. For too long I’ve felt that if only I could empty the garage or rearrange the spices I would feel better. But I know that it goes deeper and I long for periods of my life when my head and my heart can be used for a bigger purpose.
I want to be with my boys. I want to watch them play their basketball games and swim their races. I want to be present when they are being a handful and when they are being delightful. And I want to be with my husband. I want us to have time and space to laugh and be together. I want nothing in get in the way of all of that.
I said this last year, too – but then my in-laws decided to downsize themselves and I “inherited” all their crap. So 2016 is the year we get rid of it!
Thankfully, my husband is embracing the minimalist way of thinking, so he’s on board with me on this.
I’ve never been afraid of change – we have moved so much, I just usually expect it. But this year I”m actually excited to EMBRACE change and IMPACT change in my life and my work. I look forward to doing amazing things in 2016!
One of the major reasons I embraced a simpler life so whole-heartedly, but I don’t talk about often, is because two of my children require A LOT of my attention and time due to genetic issues. One of them was requiring hours a day of attentiveness, which left virtually no time for basic cleaning, laundry, cooking meals, etc.
When I stumbled on minimalism and simple living, it was a giant light bulb of relief as to how life could be easier and remove quite a bit of my stress so I could focus on my kids without feeling frustrated about not getting other things done.
Now, my children are older, and the time spent has gotten much better, but I still have no desire to go back to spending more of my time taking care of ‘stuff’. 🙂
So here’s the truth….. fear, fear, fear. Fear that if I were to accomplish simplicity and launch that new business I might actually succeed. Fear that I turned 59 on Jan. 1st and no matter how I crunch the numbers, there aren’t a LOT of years left to do all the things I’ve always said I wanted to do. Fear that my health is not good (because I always take care of everyone else) and my last years might be spent in pain. Many years ago a counselor said these words to me, “When is enough going to be enough?” Boy is that a great question or what? I’ve been following you for several months and you speak to me. I’ve already started to make small changes inside my home with the ‘stuff’ part. Here’s to 2016 that I may really dig deep and listen to my heart for a change instead of my head!! Thanks for sharing yourself and your journey!
My reason (and thank you for asking): to live a life of living, not a life of doing.
I am trying to simplify for myself. We have one child remaining at home, three others out and on their own. I never noticed how much of myself was going for others. I want to be cognizant of where my energy goes now, and I do not want to waste it cleaning or organizing. Letting go are such easy words to say, putting it into practice quickly made me realized that I do have some serious emotional attachments to “stuff.” Now I can spend some time to examine those relationships and say hello to freedom. (as long as I say good-bye to the clutter)
You are all so lucky to have so much in your ĺives to declutter if and as you wish. Wait until you lose everyone who means anything to you. The pain is too heavy to walk more than a few steps, then you collapse in despair. Declutter as you will, but remember how lucky you really are. I would trade places with any of you. But I would have no takers.
So sorry for pain Susan. Thanks for reminding us to be grateful.
Yes! Thank You Courtney; your posts are so wise and mind and heart-provoking. I have been following a path of living a more simple life for a long time and sometimes I have more success then at other times. We moved to our smaller home last year, I went to a part-time work schedule in the fall, and we are working on debt repayment, retirement planning and keeping our lives more simple in any way possible. But I still try to fit in too much and both my husband and I feel uncomfortable when we are not “doing” something. That is my goal for this year – to really begin enjoying the simpler life that we are creating. This means that I will walk more, eat less, sleep more, do less, and in as many ways as I can, enjoy the quiet that surrounds me.
I have always preferred a simpler life but somehow, like what happens for a lot of people, as I got older life got busier and more complicated. Almost 3 years ago now I suddenly found myself living with chronic pain and fatigue (several chronic illnesses with no cure – Fibromyalgia, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis [cfs] and Pelvic Congestion Syndrome). As a result of all this my life just stopped.
Looking on the positive side of this illness, I’m using my recovery as a chance to begin a simpler life. Yes, I’m reducing things in my house so it’s easier for us to keep it clean (I can’t do much of it myself) but I’m also not allowing myself to push too hard and I’m giving myseld permission to step back and say no for the sake of my health and to let me focus on what really matters to me… A simple, sustainable and meaningful life.
Great post, Courtney! I think you really nailed it.
I’ve been struggling with getting my weight down most of my life. I think it’s like what you said: that I haven’t really wanted it like I should or like I thought I did. The reasons that you listed really spoke to me. I’m going to use them to really help me this year.
Hi,
What is at the essence of my own humanity? This is what I wish to find. How? By stripping away the things that don’t matter I hope to find the essential as that which remains. It is not what I stand to lose, oh no….I stalk the essence which is truly me. Peace.
The reason I want to continue to simplify this year is to make space for what matters and is meaningful.
Thank you Courtney. I truly look forward to your posts. I always find a good dose of inspiration, common sense, and simplicity in your words. I am looking to simplify because I want less stress, a less fast paced life, and more time and ease in my day. I want to be more present for my children, and for all of life’s experiences. I want more time to write, read, move, and also more time to do nothing. This is what continues to pull on my heart. I haven’t quite figured out how to make it happen, but I am taking small steps in the right direction, by saying “no” more, and being conscious about the commitments I bring into my life. Thanks again.
There’s a minimalist lurking inside me waiting to come out! I LOVE the look and feel of small, simply decorated spaces but I can’t seem to do it. I look at my house with years of clutter that I keep moving from place to place and the debt I keep getting into, and feel the panic of too much! too much! rising in my chest. Is it better to rent or own a home? The banks and government say “buy” of course so I did… And I hate it! The house is in a nice neighborhood with great schools, but it’s way too big for me and my teen daughter. I fell into the trap of “an apartment isn’t good enough when you have a child” and boy do I regret it. Now I lay awake at night imagining all the expensive stuff waiting to break or for me to get laid off at work, and I’ve poured all my savings into acquiring. Ugh, can’t wait to sell it and be mortgage-free! Has anyone else had the experience of achieving the American Dream of home ownership, and then hating it?
I did Kim! I didn’t hate it, but it wasn’t a dream that’s for sure.
I hear you! It’s not the house or homeownership, though. It’s the yard. My house is on the small side for the three of us (which I like), but one of it’s selling points was it’s big yard. Having a big yard is a huge amount of work-mowing, raking, weeding , watering-and I wish I’d have realized how much of a drain it would be, especially during the summer. I’m constantly looking out and seeing all of the things that need to be done, unable to enjoy the space when I’m in it. I live in a city with a park every few blocks…I don’t need a big yard. This summer’s goal is to apply the concepts of minimalism out there.
Simplify –because I’m tired of over working, of being busy, of looking for lost items. I feel lighter than air every time more stuff goes our the door!
I retired a few years ago in a state of exhaustion. I enjoy your posts very much, and they’ve been restorative during my rest.
I’ve been decluttering and downsizing for several years since my son became an adult, but I find it’s an ongoing process.
Thought you’d appreciate this anecdote: had to decide between glasses frames and thought, keep it simple. So my decision was clear. I tend to get lost in life’s details. It helps to remember that simple is elegant, too.
This post came just at the right time and is a good reminder that change should not be a quick thing for the wrong reasons. I’ve found that when I declutter, I have more focus, am more present, less stressed, and find that inner peace & joy (that doesn’t come from a bunch of stuff) and that’s also why I’ll keep on simplifying my life.
This is an interesting and important post, but I take exception with your statement that giving up sugar prevents cancer and prolongs life. There is no evidence for that. Please stick with statements that have scientific proof or don’t make them.
Good point, but my intention wasn’t to make a scientific claim, only to suggest that if your heart believes in what you are doing, you are more likely to do it.
Such truth in your words. Eleven years ago when I became acutely ill with a heart problem I had no difficulty giving up salt and alcohol. I was incredibly motivated and did in fact recover fully thankfully. Now it is harder to be that motivated. However, we are moving across the country in 1 1/2 years to be near family in a much more expensive housing market. My husband is on board with taking only the things with us that we really love or will really use AND that are in very good shape. We are expecting to live in a smaller, much easier to care for home and looking forward to that immensely. Our journey is beginning as we tell each other things like only one more time to rake all these leaves!
This describes me in a nutshell. Always purging the closet, always feeling like there is cleaning to do and if I am not doing it…feeling guilty. I’ve had my major health crisis and come through it with plenty of insight. Just can’t seem to translate that into a long term action. I think my heart is in it, but maybe not?
Hi, I am enjoying your work and taking the microbusiness e-course. I am currently living a fairly simple life right now, but that is because I am off work on short-term disability due to fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis and the anxiety that comes along with both….mainly worry about how I am going to contribute financially if I am unable to continue at work (it is physically and emotionally exhausting, I work with students who have autism). There is a possibility of LTD, but I understand that is a challenge. So I want to set myself up for success for what lies ahead.
Thanks for your important question about motivation, Courtney. As we downsize toward a simpler, lower-carbon-footprint life, we are leaving two houses worth of both ‘stuff’ and ‘memories.’ My husband and I each lost a beloved spouse of 30- 40 years, and find that some ‘stuff’ resonates with emotion. Sometimes it’s important to let a little time go by – and then, you find you’re ready to donate her Christmas sweaters, or give his favorite denim shirt to a friend. Awareness of ‘decision-fatigue’ is motivating me to tackle small jobs frequently, rather than leave too much until we move.
Your post reminds me to stay focused on motivation. Thoreau is a good friend here, and I keep in mind his words that ‘I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately…’ Thoreau also liked a ‘broad margin to his life.’ The image resonates with me, and provides moral support for this choice.
Dear Courtney, happy new year !
My heart cries for PEACE and….poorness. I mean, i own my house, 2 cars, 2 motorbikes, etc….you see the picture, but i don’t match, as if i was meant to live a very simple and frugal life.
It seems like the less i own, the more i can experience gratitude.
I want to simplify my life and “stuff” as I look to another chapter with my family in moving to a new home. First things first is getting boxes to pack up and declutter our current home! Many things will need to go simply because we honestly never even use them. I want us to be thinking, “How often will we go through the memorabilia that we have boxed in the basement? What will our kids realistically want to keep to remember their childhood or family?” I am excited to downsize a lot of our unnecessary or unused stuff to make the move easier and to set a precedent on how to start off in our new home.
For me, simplifying comes down to: saying “no” to extra stuff allows me to say “yes” to more of what matters. I don’t want to be constantly putting stuff away, because I want to feel free to go to yoga class, and see friends, and try a new recipe, and read in bed. I was good at physically decluttering my house last year, and this year I want to focus more on mental/schedule decluttering, which I think is so much harder. Happy New Year! Xoxo.
This really hit home for me — when I realized that the reason I have been resisting “less” is that I really love my home, and love the investments we made in it. I LOVE bathrooms we remodeled 4 years ago — truly enjoy them every time I go in. The kitchen faucet we changed last year makes me enjoy washing dishes. I look out the front door just to see the walkway we fixed 5 years ago. Even the new roof (8 years) gives me pleasure every time I pull into the house and look at it! We are fairly decluttered already, as every cabinet/drawer/closer is half empty if not more, and are not into “stuff” at all. But somehow I was feeling like I “should” sell my house and rent, or move to a smaller space, or invest less in my house. This post reminded me that for me, my house is very much in my heart. It gives us such joy that we don’t spend money on travel — we take “staycations” and enjoy our house and garden. I realized that if we had unlimited funds, we would not spend it on cars, or clothes, or travel, or gadgets, as that would not give us any lasting pleasure. But we would invest in our home, as for us it is not a “thing” but an experience that provides the setting for our life and gives us joy. Thank you for freeing me to feel this way!
I really liked your comment SG. They capture the essence of lifeatures and minimalism in my opinion. There is no template to happiness and the fact that experiencing your house and the efforts you’ve put into it makes you very happy is awesome. Thanks for sharing your unique perspective here.
Courtney-I think you are fabulous and I’m so grateful for your work. I’ve been investigating simplicity and minimalism for a couple of years and I’ve just started taking concrete steps towards simplifying my life and releasing. I just want to BE in the world a little lighter. I want MORE open spaces in my space. I need the FREEDOM and PEACE simplicity offers now more than ever. Releasing stuff has been tough but holding on is much harder. I finally realize less really is so much more.
Last year was an amazing, pivotal year for me. After making some changes for my health ten years ago when I was diagnosed with MS, then again five years ago when I was diagnosed with three autoimmune thyroid diseases AND multiple food allergies/sensitivities that were causing excruciating pain issues, I felt like I was…lost. Last year at this time, I looked at the Behavior Gap Focus diagram and decided I was going to focus on my health in a more specific way, by asking myself if all my decisions and actions supported or improved my health. A few days later, I realized my husband did NOT. I left him and the giant house he had wanted on the acreage he had wanted and the long commute he decided I could deal with. Later, I left my job for a new position, taking a large pay cut that he would not have supported. But I realized I didn’t NEED to stay at that job for the money–I can live on less, in a smaller house, closer to work! In a year, I got divorced, sold a house, bought a house, moved twice, got a cat (for my dog! ha-ha), changed jobs, broke up with a friend who was not being decent…I’ve been selfish with my time and energy and surrounded myself with people who remind me I’m worth it.
As I unpack in my new house and go into this new year, I’ve been thinking about my focus. I’m still refining but…my 2016 focus will be to define myself. The new me. For me, that means being open to change and positive experiences, living with an attitude of gratitude and abundance, and surrounding myself with the people who support my journey, wherever it leads–it’s usually fun!
Someone else commented above “Getting rid of the things that defined me then and no longer define me now opens up my visual space so I’m reminded every day of the things I want to be reminded of: my pets, my friends, my interests.” I am starting to sort through the things that made it through the division with my ex and both moves. I want to keep the things I enjoy and get rid of things that no longer define who I am or who I want to be. Thank you for this inspiring post.
Courtney,
I have been reading your articles and e-mails for a little while now. I have found some really wonderful things in them. As for my own personal change and de-clutter for 2016, I want to clean out the internal junk I have inside myself.
Looking over the comments, I can see I am not the only one who feels as she is not “good enough”. And we have filled our homes, our closets, our bodies with clutter and junk in order to sate that feeling. However, this year I want to cleanse that junk from inside me. Loving myself is the first step to accepting myself on this stage we call life.*
I wish all of your readers, and commentators!, success with what they want to accomplish. Remember friends;
“It’s not the years. It’s the mileage.” – Indiana Jones
With love,
Sarah
*I will explain this is someone has trouble with this. 🙂
I just started following you blog, and I must say, I love it! I would say that the reason I would like to de-clutter and simplify my life is to create more space for creativity and love. I am a very creative person by nature (and nurture…) and I have found myself a bit suffocated since graduating college. The tasks of a corporate job, starting my own business, and moving homes with my husband are all great things but sometimes can leave me drained. I have felt the effects of simplifying my life through reducing my wardrobe as step #1 and LOVE IT! I really want to keep going, and will, but it just takes time. Some things I own, I will never use, but they carry a sentimental value at the moment. As seasons progress and I open my heart to new opportunities for simplifying, I will be able to keep a picture or hold a place in my heart for them instead of keeping the physical piece. That was long-winded, but thank you for the continued inspiration for living a simple life!!
I want to simplify to make room for exploring spiritually and what it means to me. I am currently experiencing what some call a “dark night of the soul.” I am questioning beliefs I thought I would hold forever and am very unsure where my experience will lead me. It has caused me a great deal of anxiety lately so I know it is not something I can ignore while hoping it will resolve itself. I have made some progress in a few areas and am inspired by blogs like yours to keep going. Thank you for putting yourself out there to help others.
This post spoke to me today. I bought a house in August and after telling myself that I wouldn’t buy another fixer-upper, I did and now I feel suffocated. There’s always one more thing – trim to paint, windows to clean, cobwebs in the garage, grass in the rock beds, etc etc etc etc! I did a huge remodel and am not sure if I can get everything back out of it that I spent but I’m thinking I will check with an agent. I need to move anyway. 6 weeks after buying the house and in the middle of the remodel, I connected romantically with an old friend who lives in my hometown. We’re talking marriage and a life together and I have this house in Texas which is doing nothing but adding one more issue that I have to handle before I can find a job back home. I have a renter here, who wouldn’t be excited about having to move at this point. It’s frustrating that I got myself in to a situation where I sacrificed my mobility and weekends again. It makes me wonder why I did it when I already did the homeownership/fixer upper thing and hated being weighed down last time too. My fiancé is all about small living and we’ve talked about just renting a condo downtown. I’ve been against it because I have dogs that need space. Truth is, one is 9 and spends all her time on the couch and the other is a small dog that gets plenty of exercise just being in the house. 🙂
it started with stuff. i could never find anything, the apartment was always a mess; i was always a mess. i thought if i got rid of stuff, i’d stop being a mess. it was a good start. i’m less of a mess, and now i’m taking care of my physical body and mental well being instead of trying to find my stuff or buy things so i’d start liking myself and feeling good about myself. i am still working on that everyday, but i know that more clothes, more soap, more stuff won’t make me happy, won’t make me feel good. i feel good when it’s not hard to find things, when i know that people like me even when and if i’m fat or not well dressed. i had to change my relationship with stuff to see that stuff couldn’t fix me. i had to recognize that i don’t want to have a heart attack, or get diabetes, and have to change my life. i change it now, willingly and if i have to change it again, i can, because i know that i can do it. thanks for encouraging us all to be more with less, to be the best we can be.
Less stuff = more love…how true is the equation…if you don’t have your heart in the change you want and need to do, you will forever be starting…nothing nearer to the truth than this!!! GREAT!!!
Dear Courtney, I’ve enjoyed your posts for some time.
I do have a minimalist conundrum that you may choose to address.
The part that is not addressed with regards to kids. What to do when you have created capsules of your favorite things and your pre-teen daughters get into your stuff? Minimalism makes my good stuff easier to find. When we had more things to choose from, this was less of an issue. I could buffer. I’m not prepared to make minimalism a conflict case or a massive ego-trip. Short of locking up my (one of everything) make-up and favorite sweather, what to do?