It seems like life gets complicated overnight, but when you step back, it’s clear that things usually build up slowly over months and years.
Maybe your life started out hopeful and carefree, and then in an effort to follow the rules, or the herd, or the path people thought you should be on, you went into debt, took a job you weren’t crazy about, or bought a house, cars, or stuff that was above your means.
To keep up with the work, family, stuff, and commitments, you got busy, maybe even crazy busy. You slowly got distracted and sidetracked, and forgot what you wanted. After time, the departure from the life you wanted begins to chip away at your heart.
Maybe you are asking questions like …
- What if I didn’t have all of these bills?
- What would it look like to wake up feeling excited about my day?
- How would my relationships change if I spent more time with the people I loved?
- What if I wasn’t so worried, sick, depleted, and overwhelmed?
- Do I really need all of this stuff to be happy?
- What do I really want?
How do I know what you are thinking? Because I was you.
My catalyst for change
Our stories may not be exactly the same, but there are probably some similarities. I had all of the questions listed above and more, but I was afraid to change. I went into debt with my first student loan when I was 18. I took the job that paid the most, instead of work I loved the most to pay the bills. I shopped, ate, or drank my way out of worry and discontent, or at least I tried. I ran in every direction, unfocused, getting by, trying to keep up, and finally getting sick. In 2006, when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I knew things had to change.
At first I struggled, because I wanted to fight and attack my problems quickly. I wanted fast change, but the approach was stressful. I was still on the fast track trying to change, but pushing and struggling wasn’t working. I created my stressful, busy life over decades and trying to undo it overnight was unrealistic.
It took me about 8 years to move from busy, overwhelmed advertising director with hardly any energy left over for my family and passions to spending 2-3 hours every morning taking care of myself, loving my work, and being present and engaged with the people I love. We changed as a family too. We moved from wanting bigger closets, nicer furniture, and more stuff to downsizing into a 750 sq. ft apartment with no storage. Our priorities changed, and we became healthier individuals and a happier family.
An 8 year transformation doesn’t sound exciting or sexy in our modern-day culture of immediate gratification and 21 day miracle cures, but a gentle path is meaningful and sustainable.
Why take the gentle path?
You’ve tried fast and furious change, but radical transformation is not the stuff that our souls hold on to. We need more time to adapt and adjust, to marinate in new habits as we work them into our lives. We deserve the time and space a gentle path allows to notice what we are learning, and to enjoy the small shifts that we usually rush past.
Massive change may not be easy, but it doesn’t have to be a sacrifice. There is joy along the way.
Imagine what your life would be like with more …
- peace
- energy
- joy
- love
- freedom
When you realize that your busy, chaotic, or unhealthy lifestyle isn’t working, your goal isn’t an empty book shelf, or a clutter-free closet. You don’t set out to simplify your life, but instead to reclaim your life. You want ease, health, joy and all the things you lost while you were on the fast track. The clutter free spaces in your home and on your calendar are part of the gentle path that leads to the new life you are creating.
It’s never too late to move from the fast track to the gentle path. Once you take the first step, you can breathe, enjoy the view, and begin again.
Absolutely! We are transitioning to a gentler, simpler path by the sea, and in the process, unloading stuff and accumulations right and left.
We feel free-er and lighter as we move ahead. And oh so grateful …
I love the slow, gentle path now, maybe because I’m getting older. I do feel a little guilty that I’m going to have a little debt when I get married this summer. But after that, I’m definitely getting back on track. We’re having a backyard wedding, so its not that expensive, but still things add up. I’m getting married at 50 for the first time of my life, which sounds so crazy. lol
Congratulations!I hope you have a wonderful wedding with family and friends and I wish you all the happiness in the world on this special day.A little money spent on such a special occasion is money well spent as happy memories are important,and I can tell you will not overspend but will be back on track again very soon.
We are making small steps to live a more intentional, slower life. I agree that it took years to establish and may take years to unravel the unhealthy routines we have now
This is a timely topic for me, so thank you. I am dealing with multiple health issues, and the treatment for all of them is basically to start taking care of myself. I am trying to make small changes and allow them to build on each other.
Loved this! I’m transitioning to the gentle path more and more, and am loving how much it has reduced my overall anxiety and stress on a daily basis. I feel so much more in control and in charge of my life, and I enjoy it more too 🙂
Thank you for this reminder. I have decided to be debt-free, and wow – it is taking a long time!!! I needed to hear this gentle reminder.
Thanks for sharing this post Courtney. I have been unloading and dealing with the chaos in our home. Small steps…..I know. I try to do something everyday. The last paragraph you wrote really came through….I keep thinking I need to simplify and keep on with it but the truth is in what you said–
“You don’t set out to simplify your life, but instead to reclaim your life”…
YES! It’s the reclaiming that will bring me to where I want to be. I need to print this out and post it. Part of that for me is stepping into the unknown of selling my retail shop. Having the trust to move forward and know that I can be part of my community in a different way without the shop. Expressing my gifts in a different venue other than retail which I need to do. And that I will have the freedom that I’ve been craving for so long along with the time and energy to focus on other ventures for myself and with my community. I like the Gentle Path idea.
Thank you for this post! It so spoke to my heart. I benefit from and am lifted up by everything you write! Take care…Blessings!
Thank you Courtney.
Thank you for this Courtney….
This is truly wonderful writing and touches my heart…I am trying not to be frustrated it is taking so long for me to accomplish my goals….to enjoy the progress that each step brings me…..it took a lot of years to get me here and I am not going to reclaim my life overnight.
I appreciate the reminder that the gentle path IS meaningful and sustainable. I need to remember to just breathe and enjoy the views sometimes!
ET
I’m 63, and have been retired for 7 years now. So I finally have the slower life that we all wish for. I worked full time, had a husband and one son, other family members living close by, and life was very rushed. I look back and regret how fast it was. At the time, I knew there had to be a better way, but I didn’t stop long enough to figure it out. I grew to dislike my job, but stuck with it for the pension. I know I lived for weekends and vacations and, during those last few years, for retirement. Even in my non-working hours, I tried to do it all. Why did I think I needed a beautiful yard with so many flower beds that required clipping, weeding, mulching? I could have done without that, and used that time to have fun with my family. To you who are younger, follow Courtney’s lead. Take the time to figure out what else you can do so that you won’t look back and only remember the blur of too much activity. Even if it takes you 8 years. Blessings.
The way to simplicity is filled with twists and turns along the way, the slower you go the more conscious you are of the journey. Making small steps helps as well, but making those changes stick, that is the tricky part.
Absolutely. I work in a fast paced environment, with deadlines, with emails, with stress.
I have decided to find a peace within that and it’s actually working. My life after work is quiet and simple and without that balance I’d choke on the pace that work sets.
What I have found is you can be the calm epicentre in any storm if you focus. Your words are, as always, perfectly apt and well timed.
Also just want to say: Thank you!
I really needed this, and will pass this on! As I am on my journey And trying to inspire others, this post made me realize that I am on the right track. My own track, without my gym teacher yelling at me to hurry and finish. I am exactly where I need to be, and trying to rush slowing down, is just plain silly!!! I am going to stop today to appreciate how far I have come instead of feeling like I need to “finish” Instead of the piles of stuff for ebay getting me down, I am going to remember that they will be gone, in due time.
Taking the gentle path is also a way to show love to ourselves. We’re allowing ourselves a way out of the rat race.
i like this idea of a gentle path. our society right now is all about instant gratification, but those things that we work towards little by little are far more satisfying than those that get handed to us instantly. i am participating in Ali Edwards’ One Little Word project and chose LESS as my word for 2015. i have been following your blog since Feb to learn about how to live with less and i must say that it has been a gentle path, giving me time to contemplate and embrace change. i thank you.