Editor’s Note: This is a post in the series, Simplicity in Action.
Saida
When you first become a parent you have no clue what you are doing. You read a ton of parenting books that confuse you with conflicting views but you do the best that you can. As your kids grow and develop minds of their own you start implementing different discipline techniques to see which one works best (I’ll let you know when I figure it out)!
In thirteen years (and four kids) my parenting technique has changed and evolved. I’m much more relaxed at the park, for instance, and my kids are able to explore the apparatus more freely, without mummy waiting to catch them in case they fall. I also don’t freak out anymore if my little one gets a few grains of sand in his mouth.
Something that hasn’t changed over the years is my (what you could call stubborn) insistence on sticking to basic rules that I decided early on were worth implementing.
Here are some examples:
- Kids do not drink soda
- Small children do not eat candies (chocolate in moderation is okay)
- Small children do not eat entire bars of chocolate – they can share with siblings or with me 🙂
- No kid of mine gets fruit roll-ups in their lunch bags (even if all the other kids in the class do)
- We drink all natural fruit juices – not the sugar and water alternatives.
- Small kids go to bed by 7:30-8pm.
- Older kids go to bed by 10:30 ish even on week-ends.
- There is no need to buy video games
Other parents think I’m a strict parent (as do my kids). I used to think so too. Recently, I learned that there’s a name for my parenting technique. It’s called simplicity parenting, or simple parenting.
I LOVE that! Who wants to be a strict parent? I’d much rather be an advocate for simple parenting 🙂
The best part about my discovery is that I have learned that simplicity can be applied to other aspects of my life and it need not be limited to my parenting technique. I wish I had understood this sooner. But as the saying goes, better late than never!
Simple living has renewed my zest for life. I make conscious choices to live more in the moment and I make time to pause during the day to be grateful for the small things.
I’ve started the process of de-cluttering my mind and my home. It’s a slow process but one that I am truly enjoying. For the first time, in a long time, I feel content with my life. Although, I am only at the beginning of my simple journey, I know that I am on the right track, and that in itself is a magical place to be!
Read more from Saida at A Breath of Simplicity.
Some external thoughts for Your internal thoughts:
No TV… cable, satellite, or whatever? No Netflix? No Redbox? No radio? No music? No orthodox or unorthodox religions? No feminism/misandry? More than allow, but not even noticing nudity, especially in comparison of how human appearance is constantly noticed (and judged)? No sexual/sex-specific innuendos? No milk?
There is no such thing as a “natural” fruit juice. Eat the fruit with the peel/skin, or forgo the fruit consumption; juicing being not ‘simple’. Even the (supposedly) non-gmo fruit has been modified from what the fruit mostly was a century (or a tad less) ago.
“Being grateful for the small things” misses the point of all the GREAT things, things that Men do and have done to make the small things even possible. Be grateful by showing it openly and often to the Men of today and the millions of yesterdays.
Decluttering? You’ve barely just begun. Get Your buttocks in gear faster by not stopping to being accepted, waiting for accolades from others, and not taking the time to pat Yourself on the back disproportionately to how much You may have under-“simplified” Your assumed-to-be “Your Life”.
…I’m still trying to figure out what the heck Gerard was trying to say…seemed a bit rude and snarky to me…
Anyway, Saida, I applaud your ability to make choices for your family that you feel improve the quality of their lives. Sounds like you aren’t asking anyone to go without entirely (i.e., chocolate in moderation!).
Teaching children to be happy with a simple life seems like a wonderful idea to me. They can always choose different later when they’re in complete control of their own life. I wonder if your simple life lessons include how to be wise with money. That is an area of interest to me and what I blog about.
Simple living seems so compatible with mindful spending and wealth creation that I wondered how you see it fitting into the upbringing of your family.
Ree ~ I blog at EscapingDodge.com
Mindful spending is definitely something that I have begun to practice. Impulse buying was a part of my life but now I think hard about something I want to buy. I’ve also cut down on the things I buy for my kids. It’s much simpler when they have fewer clothes and toys to deal with. It cuts out the physical clutter but I have also noticed a difference in mental clutter as well, if that makes any sense. It’s just easier to live your life when you can manage your choices without feeling overwhelmed.
This: “It cuts out the physical clutter but I have also noticed a difference in mental clutter as well, if that makes any sense. It’s just easier to live your life when you can manage your choices without feeling overwhelmed.”
I think that is just such a great observation. It’s really the starting point for my (very slow, haphazard) efforts to declutter our house, and actually encapsulates pretty well at least some of my reasons for wanting my kids to lead uncluttered lives too, in the sense of not having a lot of scheduled activities out of school hours.
Good for you, Saida! I really appreciate you sharing your story.
I agree with Ree. When children become adults, they can always choose different.
I like your idea of a simple life. Most children I know are tired from running from one thing to another. They just want time to play.
I agree Tammy. Kids are so often running from one planned activity to another that they don’t have time to “just be”. It’s so important to have down-time so that they can learn to be comfortable in their own skins and use this time to develop their interests as well as to indulge in creative play.
Wow…too bad Gerard can’t appreciate your post…
I love your story and your list and would say I strive to live by the same guidelines. I have two little ones (under three years old) and have found that my life is simpler now that they are here but only because we work on it. The funny thing is it takes work…work to say “no thank-you” to all the toys, video games, and junk food. Your park comment struck a chord with me…I’m still in the “watch like a hawk” stage. Can’t seem to let it go. I like the “simple parenting” title. Think I’ll remember that one!
Good for you for simplifying and making your life and your children’s more enjoyable.
Ashley, I started to relax more at the park after I read the book Raising Bebe. If you haven’t read it I highly recommend it, especially since your kids are still so young. The author is an American raising her kids in France and she talks about how French kids are better behaved in general than kids in North America. One of the things she talked about was how in North America parents follow their kids around the park and provide a running commentary: “Wheeee. Wasn’t that a fast slide? Want to go again? Why don’t you go again? Ooooh you climbed that so well. Well done!” In contrast, French mum’s use visits to the park as down time and can catch up on some reading while their kids explore the park and enjoy what it has to offer in their own sweet time. This really struck a cord with me too. Last Summer, I stopped watching the kids like a hawk and they had a blast while I read. We ended up going to the park often and staying for longer periods, mostly because I started enjoying these visits way more than I used to!
I loved the book! It changed the way I think about parenting, especially eating, mainly in regards to snacking and eating fresh food.
I too have tried to implement some changes in our home as to when and how we eat. I find the concepts easier to implement with my younger kids but find it harder to follow through with my 12 and 14 yr old girls. This is something I really want to work on this Summer 🙂
When my children grew up but were still living at home and could make their own decisions there was a rule for everyone. You told the family where the you were, who you were with and when you’d be back.
The other consideration (but not a rule) was, if you couldn’t talk with your family about what you were doing, perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it . . .
I totally agree with you, Wendy. I also believe that as long as your kids are living with you they have to abide by basic house rules and you get to decide what those are depending on your priorities. Knowing where your kids are and what time they are expected back would absolutely help minimise the time you spend fretting about their whereabouts. I don’t expect that you stop worrying just because they are grown up!
The rule also applied to me . . . especially when it came to being back at by the appointed time. I was late one night and got thoroughly told off. And no, the concern doesn’t stop, in fact the sleepless nights begin again . . . no real sleep until they’re safe home after a night out. 🙂
TY for the direct and indirect/implied insults. Smooch… I’d respect You if You did not give Me reasons not to. But, since I do not sit upon a self-formulated pedestal, [CENSORED].
Be that as that unfortunately was, I move on in a positive direction:
Saida talks about, and this blog is sort of mostly all about, simplifying life for a person or persons. Saida mentioned several of those life-simplifications that She has implemented and has had the resolve to keep over some period of unspecified time. My questions in My comment post were just that… questions as to whether or not She had thought of simplifying Her and Her children’s (and husband’s) life further via the elimination of even more totally useless and/or unhealthy items that are common and prevalent (popular though not necessarily good for any individual ‘cept for those making bazillions off of those items’ sales). With the commercialization of being social, that being to the great benefit of the upper crust of the upper crust, are many or any of the things that most people have been conditioned to do really and truly good for individuals and/or the social interactions of said commoners?
Do Us commoners (“commoners” being equated to all of Us people with an income less than what the upper or the upper 1% make) really need that of which is available to Us?
— Do We the people need TV in any of its incarnations of adoration? Is it productive for Us, or a hindrance to the development and implementation of the individuals greater good for Oneself? Seriouusly, “for the greater good of others” has only worked out for a very-very few.
— Without a doubt feminism’s purpose over the many years since the (patriarchal?) Oligarchy told the United States of America’s Federal government to give females the right to vote, was to make the female’s the driver of irrational consumerism, that including the making of wars. It has worked well all the while since. Until a female, and the effeminate males, admit this fact to Themselves, an individual will never be able to simplify as much as a person, or persons, should and can… or be able to be a positive influence on Others in the most positive way, not just a positive way in a teensy-winsy way.
— Seriously, do I need to explain the following comment further: ““Being grateful for the small things” misses the point of all the GREAT things, things that Men do and have done to make the small things even possible. Be grateful by showing it openly and often to the Men of today and the millions of yesterdays.” The world is full of cause and effect. If a person has the safety and time to notice the “small” things for having the leisure time to do so, there were BIG things that preceded the leisure time… Big things that made the leisure time possible, and those BIG things were done in large mostly by MEN for the benefit of WOMEN. Forget that and real and true happiness will never be Yours (laughter and smiles and pseudo-positive comments does not mean You are happy). Yes, to a female, a comment from a male will always seem sexist unless it is what She wants or needs or desires to hear (at least at that particular time). I am in no way berating a or any female, however, I am a non-effeminate guy and I stick with and state facts, real things, not imaginary/make-believe things, not emotions or feelings. I need not a female’s acceptance, or the acceptance from any guy. My purpose is only to share what I know to be true and real… not fictional.
— “Decluttering” may not be as much as possible. A recent conversation with one of My neighbors just yesterday (Friday) made it clear to Her (again) that a person lives in a world of Their own and may not and usually will not perceive that Other people do not have certain benefits or privileges that She had, has, and will have. The point from that, that is article related, is many-many times people do not realize, or do not want to realize, that there are many other things that clutter Our lives with useless crap, crap that We have and crap that We do only because We are familiar and/or comfortable with. A simple case in point is how My Daughter has come to realize that even though She enjoyed having air conditioning to cool the inside of Her domicile, that a less than $100/mth electric bill is way effin’ more agreeable to Her than the multi-hundred dollar electric bills She unwittingly accepted when She had a working a/c unit.
Adjunct to those thoughts…
This site seems to be predominately feminine, and I understand that I am taking a chance in commenting here for the ‘modern’ female does not take kindly to input from a male that is untitled. Yes, I am one of the unfit (below average) males of OkCupid alone-female society. Be that as it is to females of that genre, I am not beholding to Them or any female or male for self-esteem… though it seems that some males acceptance of the OkCupid females is quite important to Their self-esteem.
CONCLUSION: I only want people to be better people. It is greatly unfortunate that the greater ‘Our Society’ is so convoluted, and that females were used as at least one of the tools to do so. Simplification of a person’s or family’s life and living is a GREAT idea. But I would not be as developed along that line today if over the years I had not listened to, and learned from, other people (that being both human genders/species). Instead of taking impulsive offense to what I say, try rereading and contemplating/thinking. Try understanding. Try not being so in conflict just for the way You may have been conditioned.
Hey Saida – love that you are embracing simple living – enjoy! 🙂 I take a small issue though with the implication that simple parenting involves strict rules such as you listed. My apologies if that is not your implication! I am a big fan/follower of many aspects of simple living and simple parenting but we do not have any of those rules – I do not think those rules are necessary for this style of living. 🙂
Hi Charmaine. This was not my intention at all! A couple of Summers ago I read Simplicity Parenting. This book is what actually lead to my simple journey. The book advocates simple foods (less sugar, salt and just generally foods in their more natural state). It just helped affirm what I was doing and for me eating simple foods is a big part of how I like to simplify our lives at home. That’s just me. Simple Living encompasses so many things and there is no right or wrong way about it. My rules on what the kids do or don’t do is my subjective take on things. I’m not saying that you have to follow these rules to live a simple life. That really wasn’t my intention 🙂
Gotcha! And I love that book too! I guess for me I approach these ideals differently – yes, we eat a lot of wholefoods but my oldest has free access to chocolate, for example; we don’t have cable but we do have Netflix and a wii and PCs and he also has free access to all those things. It doesn’t mean he gorges on chocolate or does nothing but sit in front of a screen. 😉
Anyhow, I’m really not looking to debate, but just wanted to point out to other people interested in simple parenting that this approach does not need to mean strict rules. 🙂
Loved your post Saida!
It would probably be easier on my adrenals if I didn’t, but I’ll write a response to Gerard anyhow.
First of all, when you say: “Yes, to a female, a comment from a male will always seem sexist unless it is what She wants or needs or desires to hear (at least at that particular time)”, that basically closes off any meaningful discussion with a woman. It’s the same as if I had said that any time a man disagrees with me (and I have men that I love in my life that very often do), it’s because he feels that his masculinity is threatened, that he’s brainwashed by patriarchy or something like that. Which I don’t believe. A man can simply disagree with me, for any number of reasons.
Yes, men have done many great things for women. But women have also done many things, small and great, for men. Like risking their lives to give birth to them, caring for them, feeding them, making scientific discoveries, running schools, writing litterature, fighting for civil rights etc. I find it really strange to mention one of the sexes when it comes to contributing to the other sex. Obviously, both men and women have done lots of small and big things for eachother.
You say: “Without a doubt feminism’s purpose over the many years since the (patriarchal?) Oligarchy told the United States of America’s Federal government to give females the right to vote, was to make the female’s the driver of irrational consumerism, that including the making of wars. It has worked well all the while since. Until a female, and the effeminate males, admit this fact to Themselves, an individual will never be able to simplify as much as a person, or persons, should and can… or be able to be a positive influence on Others in the most positive way, not just a positive way in a teensy-winsy way”.
I simply disagree. I believe feminism’s purpose (or humanism as some would prefere) was, and is, to give equal rights and opportunities to both sexes. Like the right to inherit an equal amount, to vote, to divorce, to take an education, to get a job, to not be considered property, fair custody etc. That isn’t to say that feminism never misses the mark. I think most of us in the west have been trapped in consumerism for many decades, regardless of gender, race, being feminist or not etc. And it’s just historically unsound to blame wars on feminism. What about the roman empire and all of its wars? Or Nazi-Germany? Or tha battle of Troy for that matter. Not exactly feminists societies. Wars have always been, at least for as long as written history can document. And I believe women and men both contribute in big ways. But nevertheless, the small things still matter A LOT. Even if we have great technology, freedom etc, that just isn’t enough for a happy life if no one says “hello”, “thank you”, “how are you doing”, or cradles you as a baby. Oftentimes the so-called small things can save a life, or at least make it meaningful.
Another point, appreciating the small things doesn’t mean not appreciating the big things aswell. Who’s to say Saida doesn’t appreciate freedom of speech, peace where she lives, electricity, technological discoveries etc? The two aren’t mutually exclusive at all, and they’re both important.
I’m sure I have a long way to go when it comes to being less judgmental, less hostile and more aware of my conditioning. You say: “Try understanding. Try not being so in conflict just for the way You may have been conditioned”. I would encourage you to, along with myself, take your own advice in this case. It didn’t seem that you were interpreting Saida’s post in the best possible way either.
If I’ve expressed myself clumsily in any way, it might be because English is my second language (I’m born and live in a country that’s not English-speaking).
Peace, health, love, happiness, meaning (and simplicity?) to everyone.
Maria
Thanks Maria. And THANK YOU for responding to Gerard’s comment. We’re in the process of moving (next-week-end is the big day) and quite frankly I just didn’t have it in me to respond to his comments – I didn’t know where to begin! 😉
I know the feeling. 😉 Sorry I took focus away from your story. I’m embracing simplicity more and more in my life too. I’m in my twenties and have never been much of a shopper, but still – there’s so much clutter! And also non-physical clutter. Mine is a slow journey and I know I have a long way to go, but I don’t really know how I ever managed before I simplified. Lol! Good luck with downsizing and moving, I’m sure it’ll be great for your family!
Amen
I find it fascinating that you came to this world of simplicity through your parenting. Whilst I do not agree with all of your rules, I am very much in favour of your diet related ones, because I know I had way too much sugar growing up, and I am still trying to break that addiction now.
Thanks for sharing your story
I too didn’t have any rules as a child. My parents owned a corner store in London, England and I spent almost every week-end at the store and had free reign to the sweets and chocolates on the shelves. I too suffer from a severe sweet tooth that I struggle to control. 🙁
Yeah, well, Gerard took it a bit over my head really!!
I do agree with him about juice, though – water is much the better beverage…
Anyway, what I really wanted to say is this kind of post frightens me – I wasn’t aware that children are apparently living without rules or discipline these days?!
All of your “rules” are so natural to me that I am amazed they are considered list-worthy. Consideration for others, good manners and compassion are part of what a parent is supposed to teach their children, regardless of sex or religion, surely? And is it not normal that everyday life has it’s limitations and certain things are “treats”? Is it now a free-for-all?
Well, perhaps it is. It wasn’t for my three daughters and it isn’t for my 2 grandchildren (5 and 2). I don’t know where that kind of free-for-all is happening (North America, UK?) but in our civilised Swiss world, parents are still adults and children are children, no question. e.g. At school they are expected to greet their teachers with a handshake, address them correctly and look them in the eye. They never leave school without shaking the teacher’s hand, either, and wouldn’t dream of being impolite. Certainly they don’t strike me as downtrodden, kids are kids, but give them sensible parameters and they will learn lessons for life. Just saying.
I think it’s sad this kind of thing apparently has to be pointed out and given a name!! “Simple parenting”, indeed 😮
I’m with you Mel, sad that this style of parenting has a name when simply parenting would be a better focus . . . nuturing the child. It is simple yes, but our society is increasingly complex. A grandmother too, I am immesely grateful that my son and is partner have an attitude that they live simply so other might simply live . . . and they both work with cutting edge technology and find that one does not necesarily preclude the other.
I agree that it is sad that we have to put a label to it. However, the behaviour that you describe in schools is long gone in most parts of North America. What kids eat is also a big issue here and more often than not what kids eat at school and at home is far from ideal. You illustrate how other countries have managed to keep their priorities straight. I’m not sure why as a society we have strayed so far from the ideal, especially where the food industry is concerned. It’s my hope that when enough people take notice, our grocery stores will be filled with healthier foods that are affordable for the everyday family.