What are you tangled up in right now? What is standing between you and joy?
Negative attachment and entanglement leads to stress, discontent, and poor physical and mental health. The longer we live with it, the harder it seems to untangle. We begin to live the stories we tell ourselves about our struggle, and we get used to the distraction and the drama of thinking about our energy vampires. These soul-suckers look different for everyone, but usually fall into the following categories.
Past Regret
Memories of people and places can be joyful, but reflecting on the past and thinking we can change it, or wishing it had been different is damaging. Those reflections often turn to regret, guilt, and sadness. Energy vampires from the past may include missed opportunities, relationships that ended poorly, or things that you said or did that don’t align with the person you really are.
The past may have joyful memories and offer lessons, but there is nothing that’s happened that can unhappen and giving it your attention never results in change or resolution.
Future Thinking
There are great benefits to anticipation and looking forward to future events, but worry is most prevalent when you direct your attention to things that haven’t happened yet. In my experience, the things we worry about aren’t the things that end up happening, and the outcome is never dependent on how much we do worry. Uncertainty, fear, and a vivid imagination can create terrible scenarios that never actually happen. Even if they only occur in your mind, those scenarios become energy vampires.
Present Discontent
The best place to be is fully present in the moment you are experiencing. Free of regret, worry, or comparison, you can enjoy each simple sight, taste, sound and feeling for just what it is. When you stay present, future thinking and past regret cannot exist.
One energy vampire that does reside in the present is discontent, usually as a result of comparison. If you always compare and think things can be better or different, it’s hard to find joy in what you have and who you are. That discontent can make you feel like you are less than, or not enough, and with that you’ll feel depleted and unsatisfied.
Prepare to untangle
Vampires trade your precious time, attention and energy for lack of confidence, fatigue, hopelessness, doubt, fear and sadness while standing in the way of joy, love, courage and a full life.
Prepare to untangle and …
- Make a list. Acknowledge what and who your vampires are. Put pen to paper and take a good look at what’s stealing your energy, joy and passion.
- Make another list. What fuels you? Who lifts you? Write down your joy, passions, and great loves.
- Take responsibility and take back the power. Recognize that they don’t have a hold on you, and that you are the one who is holding on. These energy vampires all reside in your mind. They appear in your dreams and your thoughts and distract you from what matters most, but they don’t exist without your hold and attention.
The simplest way to untangle from your energy vampires
Once you’ve identified what drains you and what fuels you, and you’ve recognized that the hold is yours; to grip or release, you can simply untangle with this two-step exercise.
- Respond to your energy vampires with a mantra or silent prayer. Instead of reacting with anger, worry or fear, respond thoughtfully when they appear and simply say, “I release you.”
- Redirect your attention to something that fuels you. Choose three of the items from the second list you made, and take action to bring those things to life. If you want to reclaim your energy, your health, and the joy you deserve in life, give the good things your attention.
The simple serenity prayer in the image above reminds us how important it is to accept and release what we can’t change, so we have strength and courage for what we can change.
Maybe you think that your vampires are more complicated, and that you are too tangled, but what if you are wrong? It may take practice and repetition, but there is no harm in dedicating less time and attention to what drains you, and more to what fuels you.
The energy vampires from the past, present and future will live off of your energy until you decide to.
Oh this one is so, so good Courtney.
How did you know I was facing an energy vampire? And that I was on overload with my business and needed to subtract, not add? You are amazingly spot on every time you send a post. Thank you for helping me improve my life.
Tot-ALI agree! Thanks so much for eyeopening reveal. Will try the mantra strategy 🙂
This is so great Courtney. I’ve been feeling the need to take stock of the things that drag me down and the things that lift me up. Since I spend so much time in my head my thoughts have a huge impact on how I feel from day to day. I definitely have problems with present discontent and future-fretting. Gonna work on my lists today.
I love this post so much because often we are focused on energy vampires out there. But, actually the biggest energy vampires are right here in our own mind. So on target, Courtney!
Well written and well said!
Thank you for writing this post Courtney. Energy vampires is such a good description. I am gifted with a vivid imagination that goes far too easily to the terrible scenario *sigh.* I have found mindful breathing helpful in bringing my mind back to the present. I do like the idea of writing the two lists though. That would work for me.
I forget who said, “Comparison is the thief of joy” but I try to remind myself of that often. I’m at a point in my life (mid40s) when I ought to be comparing LESS, not more. Sometimes it’s difficult as an aging woman in our society, but I try to remind myself of my accomplishments and that we are ALL fighting some battle or other.
Thankyou for that email the penny just dropped . It’s made me think a lot x
Super post, Courtney. Really hit me deep down. THANK YOU. I will be using the ‘I release you’ mantra to battle the vampires.
Great post, Courtney. I am struggling after leaving a full-time job in another country to finding it extremely hard to find full-time employment in my home country. Worrying about employment is my energy vampire right now. The anxiety its causing me holds me back some days from being fully present and meeting my goals of the day. This post helped a lot. Thanks.
I love the term energy vampires. I must be constantly on guard. Thanks for your post.
This post helped me identify some vampires I didn’t realize were dangling from my neck. In my dreaming of our future, I forget to be content with what I have right now. I’m constantly wriggling around trying to figure out how to bring my future dreams to fruition, when I really need to breathe and be consistent in my work and grateful for all my blessings each and every day.
Hi. I have recently rid myself of many demons. I’m 39 and when I surprisingly became pregnant my demons began to leave. slowly leave. I stay in the present as much as possible. I’ve also become a minimalist. I can put everything I own in the back of a truck. Its liberating.
Thank you for helping me to get rid of the things that are holding me down or holding me back. If I wouldn’t save it in a fire, why am I storing it? I spent too many years of my life, too many hours to count and too much money on it already. Why keep it around to suck away more of my life energy? How does that help me live fully?
I definitely regret all the years I have wasted …
What a wonderful fuel for running on…..Monday morning and a new opportunity of change……hard but letting go of old and familial is….thank you for this new tool and Much gratitude!