Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Katie Tallo of Momentum Gathering.
They live next door. They both drive new cars with leather interiors. Their daughter’s pre-med and she’s only five. They just did a $100,000 kitchen reno complete with an indoor pig spit where they entertain their wads of friends. Their big screen TV lights up your entire house at night. Their grass is always neon green, at least once the lawn care professionals have sprayed and coifed it into a perfect patch of heaven.
They have it all. They’re living the dream. You hate them.
Holding your son’s hand, you walk past their sixteen over-flowing garbage cans on your way to the corner. He announces that he wants to be a freeloader like daddy. He tells you that’s what the neighbour calls someone who fiddles around all day making art. You hand him his vegetarian lunch in its reusable sack. The lunch you made him in your sparse kitchen where you share tea and homemade banana bread with your friends. Your son is debating which movie to choose from the library tonight. Ever since you got rid of cable, it’s movie night on Fridays. He’s bubbling with excitement. As he waits for the school bus, he asks why your lawn has gone brown. You tell him its been hot lately and you don’t want to waste water. He hugs you and gets on the bus. At the last minute, he turns back, waves and says, “Everyone should have brown grass. Love you mommy.” Your heart melts.
As you walk back home to begin the day, a day of working at home at a job that fulfills you, the neighbours zoom by to begin their two hour commute across town, already talking on their speaker phones. They distractedly wave, each from their own luxury car, and you wave back. You don’t hate them.
You hate that you ever envied them or their need for stuff, for status, for decadence, for more, for bigger, for neon green.
You pass their chemical turf, sit down on your brown lawn and touch the grass. It’s not dead. It’s just a little thirsty, but that’s okay. It’s perfect. Perfect because it’s not perfect. Perfect because a little boy admires who his parents are. Perfect because you’re setting a different kind of example for him to aspire to. Perfect because you know that less is really more.
You are grateful for the healthy lunch you made from scratch for your son. You are grateful for the little hand that he likes to rest comfortably in yours. You are grateful that you are doing work you love, raising a conscious child and living your dream – a new dream.
This is a dream that is sustainable for you, for your son and for the planet.
Today, when you find yourself thinking that the grass is always greener over there, rake up some gratitude and bask in love, simplicity, down-sizing, saving, slowing, caring, teaching, setting an example, doing what you love, walking, busing, biking or just allowing yourself, for a moment, to see that there’s a whole lot more in embracing less.
Katie Tallo seeks to inspire simple, joyful life change at Momentum Gathering. Her new book is The 7-Week Life Cleanse: A Simple Guide to Infusing Your Life With Momentum.
While it seems like they have all the riches in the world, they are probably in major debt, must work many hours to pay for it all and not have time for each other. It’s the simple things that make us happy.
Thanks for continuing the story and enhancing it, Peter. The simple stuff is what it’s all about, you’re right.
Katie,
Thanks for this awesome post. It is short, simple, sweet and makes my heart swell. (all of my favorite things about your great writing.)
Courtney,
Thanks for having me over for a visit. I love bemorewithless and everything you stand for so it’s lovely to be a guest here. I’m a minimalist in my heart and trying my best to put it into practice with the inspiring advice of people like you.
Peter, that’s exactly what I was thinking!
Just made me sigh (in a reflective-positive-way, thank you) 🙂
Sighing in a reflective positive way – that’s awesome. Thanks DK.
Hi Katie,
You are so on target – comparing ourselves to others is always the source of unhappiness. Whereas gratitude brings us joy!
Thanks Sandra Lee. Glad you found resonance.
Katie, When I would wander down the envy road, my wise husband would declare, “This year, let the Joneses keep up with us.” Yes, he’s wise and funny.
Willow, your wise husband is right. Live your way and let envy be someone else’s problem.
Katie! You nailed it! I live in an area similar to what you describe. The school is overrun by brand name clothes, which my kids are under constant pressure to buy. I know this is a normal part of their development, but it frustrates me on a daily basis. Once I remarked that I thought we could downsize from our 1,600 sq. ft. ranch, and they looked at me like I was completely mad. They are used to their friends having bigger, more, better, newer.
Thank you for writing this post. It really spoke to me. You are an inspiration!
Rock on,
Melissa
Hey Melissa, I know the feeling. Actually, I’m kind of happy my daughter’s in University this year. The pressure to “brand” is largely gone. They’re all just poor students now, scraping by in their first apartments. I wanted to upsize for the longest time but I’m so glad I didn’t. I came to my senses and let go my envy. I’m happy this post spoke to you. Big hugs!
Wonderful post. I wonder if the neighbors envy you and just don’t have the courage to try what you’re doing. I feel sort of sad for people who are tied to so much stuff to manage, and when is it ever enough? They may be in pursuit of that elusive dream forever and not get that satisfied life that you are living.
Barb, thoughtful comment. I think envy is a distorted ego that seeks to nourish itself on stuff rather than experiences. Self love, on the other hand, often more elusive than self indulgence, can nourish us in entirely different and meaningful ways.
Wonderful that you were walking your son to the bus in lieu of driving him to school like many do. I get so upset when I see all these new commercials lately that are targeting the kids by having them getting into “new cars” with all the gadgets…like automatic opening doors and TV in the backs of the seats and sound systems in the rear seats for their ipods, etc. Great post and so right on 😉
Roberta, I confess it’s just a story meant to illustrate a point and I don’t really have a son, but I do believe in the ideals expressed here and am working towards them in my own way. I drive a small compact car and walk whenever possible. And I do have a brown lawn. The post is more a fable about how our lives can be caught up in envy of the wrong things. You are so right about commercials defining for kids the “good life”. It can be sickening and unfortunately, it’s what begins that slippery slope of wanting more.
Katie,
Great post! Even though we didn’t know what minimalism was 15 years ago, we made a decision not to always strive for more stuff, we have lived in the same house for 21 years, don’t drive brand new cars. It is hard sometimes, though, to lose sight of why we did this when we are blinded by shiny new cars and large houses overflowing with beautiful furnishings. The minimalism movement and the internet makes it much easier. And so do reminders from our loved ones…
Bernice
http://livingthebalancedlife.com/2010/we-were-not-meant-to-live-alone/
Hi Bernice, I know what you mean. The messages can be overwhelming. We’ve lived in the same house too for about 22 years and I’m glad we never went bigger. Now I’m working on clearing out stuff and not accumulating any more. It’s an on-going process and I love that there are so many great resources like Courtney’s blog to keep us on track. Thanks for popping by.
INSPIRING!!
Thanks!
Cool, thanks Gene.
Is it unrealistic to hope to live somewhere one day where both my and my neighbor’s yards are brown, and a path is trotted from one to the other. And where my child is trading one whole foods/vegetarian lunch item for another from each others lunch sacs on the bus on the way to school? A girl can dream right?
Thanks for the reminder to bask and embrace the life we have so intentionally created, despite it’s perceived “less-ness.”
I don’t think it’s unrealistic, Kristy. Dreaming is a good thing — it’s the thing that makes change happen in this world. Bask away.
What a simple, short and impactful message. Fantastic piece of art here Katie. Thanks for spreading her message Courtney =).
Wow, thanks Justin. Glad you liked it.
This is a beautiful story. We have gotten over the envy and are working on purging all the stuff we have needlessly accumulated in an effort to downsize. My daughter is 4 years old, and I am hopeful she will embrase the example we are setting.
The love, adoration, and respect of our children is one of the most amazing gifts we can ever receive.
I love that you came back to that, Freedom. Our children are who we should really be trying to impress. I’m sure you are setting a lovely example for your daughter. All the best to you.
Katie – I love the images in this post. The brown grass, the sack lunch, the sixteen over-flowing garbage cans. I also love the idea that we can shape youth in so many different ways, including to be caring for the environment by consuming less. Thank you.
Lisa, we can shape our children and even if we’ve made mistakes or introduced them to junk food, we can reshape that. My daughter is a living example of a kid who ate meat and junk food and now embraces a vegan lifestyle. I love the sound of your approach to unconventional eating. “Think anything that’s not the norm of a typical American diet – think local, sustainable, organic, homemade, and anti-packaging.” Wow.
I LOVE this post, Katie. Simple in its wisdom; elegant in its delivery; with a backbone of compassion, hope and resolve.
It’s also quite timely as we head into the end-of-year holiday season. There is so much opportunity there to teach important lessons to our kids. While we have much of the responsibility for our short-term successes and failures, the long-term vitality of this world rests squarely on their shoulders. Showing them — and living it along with them — all the beautiful aspects of a Less-Is-More Life should be a top priority for all of us.
Just beautiful, Katie. Thanks so much for sharing (and Courtney for hosting). Be well — to both of you!
Thanks Bill. I couldn’t agree more. The holiday season can be such a time of excess and habitual spending. You’re so right in saying it’s the best time to embrace our responsibility to lead by example and share with our kids that less is really more.
hi katie, i’ve been reading a lot of posts about gratitude today… thanks for sharing this one 🙂 i was going to say that it’s very timely, but really, it’s always “timely” to be thankful for what we have.
Hey Ana, what a lovely way to read posts or do anything for that matter. With gratitude. Perfect.
Oh my. Just the mention of the “indoor pig spit” has me recoiling in horror! That sounds like a horror flick to me (lifelong vegetarian as you know who doesn’t judge meat-eaters but that’s just freaky to me). The chem-lawn is next up for my gasps of horror….so my challenge here is to not judge lol
I’m really lucky in that my best friend growing up was really well-off, and my family wasn’t at all, but I saw first hand how money doesn’t buy much that’s important though it’s nice, and I was sometimes envious that she had a maid lol But it helped me see that our own grass is only as green as we make it (organically, of course 🙂
Always a good reminder though! No matter what people’s material possessions may be, that’s their life, and we have ours 🙂
Leah, sorry if I made you scream in horror, lol. Sounds like this story is something you already absorbed a while ago. Thanks for sharing – I always love hearing your take on things. “That’s their life and we have ours.” So Leah.
Thank you Katie! Over the past several years I have been changing my life from one that resembled that of your neighbors to one much more like yours. I am so much happier and fulfilled. But I have to admit, sometimes the fancy cars and gourmet kitchens look so shiny and fun. Then something like this post reminds me what it’s “really” all about and why I made the changes I did. And I’m grateful, so grateful, that I didn’t spend another minute working nonstop to accumulate more stuff. Be well!
Way to go, Faith. I know – those shiny, happy kitchens hook me too at times. Then I look at my little 1950’s kitchen and realize – it’s more than enough, it’s cozy and it’s all I need. I like your mantra of not spending another minute working nonstop simply so you can buy more stuff. What a waste of resources and time. You’re an inspiration for having made such profound changes. It’s not easy.
What a great setup for Thanksgiving week! Thanks for this thoughtful and well-crafted post.
Thank you so much and Happy Thanksgiving to you, Frank.