Last month I dove into Desire Mapping and today I’m ready to share it with you. Sometimes, when something takes over my heart and brain, I like to allow time and space for things to shake out and for the most important stuff to rise to the surface before I give it to you.
Before I tell you about the process and my experience, I want to share the very best part:
Simplicity is at the heart of The Desire Map.
- When you decultter and get rid of stuff that doesn’t matter, you can clearly identify what does.
- Danielle LaPorte, Author of the The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul says, “It’s ok to want what you want.” Something so simple, but so overlooked.
- There is whole chapter titled, Do Less, Get More.
- You’ll get what you want, when you desire it more than anything else. Simple right?
When I stopped wanting what I was supposed to want, and simply recognized that I want what I want, everything changed. What I love most about Danielle LaPorte is that she is all in.
My Desire Map
The 2 images above represent 4 hours of going deep and editing 80+words down to 21 and then to 5 core desired feelings. I own those core desired feelings and will be making decisions based on how I want to feel (what I desire) instead of what I want to accomplish or how I want other people to make me feel.
At first, some of the words that were leading to my core desired feelings were dependent on other people and things. Words like loved, supported, and connected. When I took Danielle’s advice to “be really mindful about using terms for feeling states that come from the outside world, as if Life (or your partner or your job) is going to make you feel that way.” my core desired feelings fully developed.
I love that The Desire Map doesn’t ask us to rely on external events to feel a certain way. With that, we get to choose how we feel and react instead of becoming victims of circumstance. There is no blame in this game.
My core desired feelings:
- Joy: I am so happy to be right here. I’ve been saying that a lot lately, and I am smiling more.
- Light: This was my word of 2013 and now it is one of my CDFs (core desired feelings). And I mean light in every way you can imagine.
- Benevolent: I want to give more of my time and money to those who need it most.
- Free: Yep, more freedom.
- Rapturous: I want that feeling of being swept up by falling in love everyday.
What I’m doing in 2014 to feel that way: Eating whole foods. Getting on my yoga mat. Growing my business. Hiking. Helping people simplify their life and work. Making new friends. Giving more of everything away. Date nights and romantic getaways. Listening. Sharing more. Sitting quietly. Laughing really hard. More in person connection. Practicing gratitude. Writing. Encouraging creativity.
What I’m no longer doing: Judging my feelings. I want what I want and even if that changes, that is ok.
Reading The Desire Map shook my soul, lifted me up, and revealed that I wanted so much more than I’ve been willing to ask for. I resonated with so much of this book, but three thoughts stuck with me. I wrote them in my 2014 planner and think of them daily.
- Be anchored to the desired feeling, and open to the form in which it manifests.
- You can feel light when someone else is heavy. You can feel confident when things go sideways.
- If you have to step outside of yourself, away from your values and soul to get your needs met, then you’re not really going to get your needs met.
For the past few years, my guiding principle has been for love and health and that won’t change. I make quick decisions by asking this question, “Will this support love or health?” If the answer is no, my answer is generally no. Now, I’ll be adding my core desired feelings to guide me and perhaps open me up to bigger questions, ideas and answers.
There are so many benefits to figuring out how you want to feel and doing things that support those feelings. Especially this:
When you are connected to your core desired feelings instead of external triggers, you don’t have to prove your worth, prove your love, prove your work, or prove one more thing to one more person.
When you stop proving, you can stop waiting for someone else to tell you that you are good enough. You can stop worrying about what other people think about what you do, what you want and who you are. Now you can really live.
So enough with the resolutions in 2014, how do you want to feel? Remember, it’s ok to want what you want. Jot down a few of your core desired feelings in the comment section below and what you will do in 2014 to feel that way. They might change after you read the book and go through the The Desire Map exercises, or maybe you know exactly how you want to feel right now.