Why, oh why are we so hard on ourselves? We extend compassion for everyone we love while telling ourselves how terrible we are for making a mistake. We all deserve a little grace for being human. It’s time for gentle adulting and these permission slips will help you get started.
I’ve seen a bunch of info out there on gentle parenting but not much on gentle adulting. How can we embrace the gentleness we offer to everyone around us to our own hearts and to our nervous systems? I did write a book all about gentle adulting, called Gentle. It’s full of permission slips and tiny steps to help you rest more and stress less. Use the permission slips for gentle adulting below to being incorporating more tenderness into your life.
7 Permission Slips for Gentle Adulting
These permission slips for gentle adulting are little suggestions to help you make space to heal and recover. There may be one that really speaks to you, that helps you exhale and extend yourself some kindness when you need it the most. Maybe you know a friend who could benefit from some gentle adulting. Share these permission slips with them so they can breathe easier too.
1. You are allowed to turn your phone all the way off.
None of the spend less time on your phone hacks compare to turning off your phone, sliding it to the back of a drawer and carrying on with your day. If it feels too overwhelming to turn your phone off for the whole day, try it for the first hour you wake up or for an hour before you fall asleep. Studies show that the proximity of your phone matters, even if it’s turned off. If it’s close by, it will still distract you. Turn it off and put it away.
Note: I understand that in certain, often temporary situations, you may have to be selective about when you can turn your phone off (but there is usually more time than you think).
2. You can enjoy a hobby or activity that doesn’t lead to something else.
It seems like everything is measured by how productive it makes you, how much income it can generate or how many likes it gets on Instagram. You don’t have to create a side-hustle out of something you enjoy. This gentle adulting permission slip invites you to engage in something just because you are curious about it, because you think it will be fun or simply because you want to. I’ve been painting with these watercolor books, and hitting tennis balls not because I’m going to be a famous painter or tennis player but because both of these things deliver an incredible amount of joy to my life.
3. You do not have to “give your all” to anyone or anything anymore.
Gentle adulting is almost impossible after you’ve given your all away over and over again, because there is nothing left for you. You are depleted. If you too thought you had to continually jump through hoops, climb every ladder and give your all to get ahead and prove your worth or your love, set yourself free. You don’t owe anyone your all. Save some for you.
4. Permission to stop apologizing for things you really don’t need to be sorry about.
Between our need to please and the way we’ve been conditioned to over-apologize, it’s no wonder our apologies almost feel like they are on auto pilot. It’s not gentle, it’s jarring to have to constantly feel bad for what we do, or when or how we do it. I feel like every other word out of my mouth used to be, “sorry” and I have no idea what I was apologizing for. I still catch myself.
Pay attention to how many times you say, “sorry” in a day and notice what you apologize for. How many times have you apologized when someone else bumped into you? What about when you aren’t feeling your best? Have you ever apologized for actually being sick? Let’s stop apologizing for most things, especially these 9 things.
A heartfelt “I’m sorry” is powerful. A meaningful apology can repair a relationship or turn us around when we are going in the wrong direction. We diminish that by apologizing for things we shouldn’t be sorry for.
5. Give yourself permission to take a time out.
Gentle adulting means that sometimes you have to take a time out. Remove “pushing through” as an option and take time to take care instead. Your time out might be an hour or a day or longer if you need it. When things feel like they are too much, stop. Breathe. Put your hands on your heart and ask, “What do I need?” Then do the gentle thing and give it to yourself.
6. Tell guilt no thank you.
I like to think of guilt as someone stopping by or calling to sell me something I do not want. Not only don’t I want it, I don’t even want to hear about it. I could not be less interested. When we open the door to guilt, we act out of obligation and pressure. When guilt guides us, we lose ourselves.
The silly thing is that guilt usually isn’t even guilt. It’s discomfort. Guilt is for doing something wrong, not for making decisions that other people don’t like, or taking care of ourselves in another way. When I feel guilt creeping up, I ask, “Is this actually guilt?” Usually it’s not, I’m just a bit uncomfortable and I don’t have to fix that.
7. Let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore.
Usually the “stuff” in our life is either serving us or weighing us down. It’s adding value or removing it. This stuff could be anything from clutter to daily habits and expectations, thoughts and other heavy things.
Create a permission slip to let go whenever you’ve realized it’s time. We might hold on because we’ve invested so much time, money and energy into the thing, but the only way to stop investing is to let it go.
I hope these permission slips for gentle adulting inspire other permission slips. Write them down as a reminder of what’s important and what you need most right now.
