The Spoon Theory: Why You Need to Count Your Spoons

The Spoon Theory helps you measure (and save) your energy. We measure our time in hours and minutes. We measure our money in dollars and cents. How do we measure our energy?

What does a unit of our energy look like?

Energy is a resource that matters just as much—if not more—than time or money. Yet we often overlook it. We act like we have an endless supply, but that’s simply not true.

We may not always control how much energy we have, but we can control how much we use. That’s why it’s so important to pay attention to it.

The Spoon Theory: what does it mean to count your spoons?

In the chronic illness world, there is something called The Spoon Theory, wherein you assign a number of spoons (as units of energy) to specific tasks. The Spoon Theory was created by Christine Miserandino to describe to a friend what it’s like for someone with chronic illness to navigate a day with limited energy.

She was sitting at a restaurant when The Spoon Theory was born. She said about the conversation with her friend, “I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone.”

It’s not a perfect system, but it’s a helpful mindset shift. Being more realistic about our energy changes how we move through the day.

Even if you’re not dealing with chronic illness, this idea still applies. When you work at a pace that honors your own energy, everything feels easier.

You’ll be surprised at how much easier it is to move through the day when you aren’t overextending yourself. I wrote more about The Spoon Theory in my book, Gentle, Rest More, Stress Less and Live the Life You Actually Want.

Move at your own pace

We could all benefit from moving through our days at what artist and mindfulness educator Jamila Reddy calls “your authentic pace.” We all have twenty-four hours in a day, but we don’t all have the same amount of energy to live those hours, not the same as one another or the same as ourselves during different stages of life (or even today versus tomorrow).

Some days our spoons just don’t go as far. Often this is when we think we have to push through so we can be more productive and keep up with the demands of hustle culture and other myths that keeps us running on empty.

We’ve been overdoing it for too long

Long before hustle culture, #bossbabes, and the waves of social media posts telling us how to get more done (and look good doing it), we were still out there jumping through hoops, climbing ladders, and doing more than our bodies and brains could tolerate, all in the name of more.

Even before hustle culture, we were climbing ladders and jumping through hoops. Always doing too much. Always chasing more.

In my old corporate job, no one ever said, “I’ve made enough” or “I worked just the right amount today.” Instead, I heard:

“I’m so busy.”
“I’m exhausted.”
“There’s never enough time.”

These were the daily mantras. I used to eat them for breakfast.

Then I read self-help books that told me to try harder. None of them suggested rest. Instead, it was always:

Dig deep.
Push hard.
Put your nose to the grindstone.

So that’s what I did—until I burned out. Because of this toxic personal-development quest, I used to schedule myself to within an inch of a breakdown. I gave my all. I measured who I was by what I got done.

Flip the script on productivity

Now I make time and space for myself, not to get more done, but to have more time and space to be gentle. Productivity culture is hardwired within us. If you, too, want time and space to daydream, to rest, to heal, and to be gentle, you are going to have to flip the script and reject this idea of more equaling better in your day-to-day life. Productivity culture runs deep. But if you want time to rest, to dream, to heal—you’ll have to say no to “more.”

Chronic illness isn’t the only thing that affects our energy. My spoons go further in the morning than the evening. It would take me twice as long to write this paragraph if I tried to write it after dinner instead of after breakfast. Night owls may have more spoons or BSE (big spoon energy) at night. I usually don’t have back-to-back days that are equal in energy. My energy, especially when it comes to creative work, ebbs and flows. When I don’t recognize an ebb, I end up doing the pushing-through thing, burning my spoons at both ends. It doesn’t feel good and it rarely results in good work. When I allow myself to work at my authentic pace, the process is more enjoyable and the end result is much better.

Imagine if corporations encouraged employees to work in a way that felt good to them. Chelsea Fagen, the founder and CEO of the Financial Diet, a platform and company offering real money talk and financial support for women, cut the average work schedule for her employees from five days to four without cutting their pay. In 2021, after she switched from a forty-hour to a thirty-two-hour workweek, she said, “Revenue increased, everyone was happier, and the same work gets done. We also discovered that three days is the minimum for a good weekend.”

Redefine what “enough” means to you

It may be time to define (or redefine) “enough” more specifically. Ask the question, “How much is enough for me?” When it comes to measuring what is or isn’t “enough,” consider the following mindset shifts:

How much money is enough?

Understanding your money (no matter how good or grim the situation is) will help you know if you need to earn more, spend less, and how much to save instead of just assuming that you always need more. For a major change in perspective about what constitutes enough money, I recommend Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez.

How much stuff is enough?

Often we are working more to make more money to have more stuff that we don’t really want. Once you’ve gone through a home release or two, you’ll notice that you don’t want more stuff. You want more life.

How much getting stuff done is enough?

Productivity tips and tricks make us believe that we can squeeze more in, but why should we? I prefer to give my best instead of my most. That means giving less of myself overall. When you are struggling with the pull to do more or think, I have to do . . . , pause. Ask yourself this very simple question: Do I? Instead of replacing the dis- comfort you feel about having free time with more work, question that urge. Notice how you talk about time. “I’m behind.” “I have to catch up.” Do you have a time scarcity mindset? If so, the solution is to be more present. Maybe the opposite of being all caught up isn’t being behind but being relaxed. Where you are right now is where you are. You aren’t behind and you aren’t caught up. You are here. It’s really all you get.

Whether or not you are dealing with an illness (or another situation that compromises your energy), evaluate what your day looks like and how much you have to give (and how much you want to give). Don’t just consult your calendar or to-do list—check in with how you want to feel. Just because there is space on your calendar doesn’t mean you have to do more. What we crave is not to be good but to feel good—to stop proving ourselves, to lift each other up, and to clear the obstacles to enjoying our lives.