If you want to sleep better consider your daily habits. If we could sleep well consistently, we could change the world! I know that sounds dramatic but when you sleep well, everything feels better.
Sleep researcher and author of Why We Sleep, The New Science of Sleep And Dreams, Matthew Walker says, “Sleep is probably the single most effective thing that you can do to reset both your brain [and] your body’s health. I don’t say that flippantly against the notions of diet and exercise — both of those are fundamentally critical — but if I were to deprive you of sleep for 24 hours, deprive you of food for 24 hours, or deprive you of water or exercise for 24 hours, and then I were to map the brain and body impairment you would suffer after each one of those four — hands down a lack of sleep will implode your brain and body far more significantly.”
Why It’s Important to Sleep Better
I can tell a drastic difference in how I feel after five or six hours of sleep vs. eight hours of sleep. When I enjoy a good night’s sleep, I feel happier, have more clarity, and I’m in a better mood with more daytime energy. I also experience less pain, and things don’t bother me as much as they do when I’m under slept. When you sleep well on a consistent basis you can enjoy these benefits (and more):
- lower risk of heart disease and high blood pressure
- improve attention and memory
- improve mood
- get sick less often
- reduce stress
Sleep Better by Quitting These 10 Habits
We’ve all heard the traditional recommendations to sleep well. The Mayo Clinic shares these recommendations: stick to a sleep schedule, pay attention to what you eat and drink (especially caffeine), and create a restful environment (cool and dark). Those things definitely make a difference but we can’t dismiss the impact that the following habits have. We create these habits (sometimes unintentionally) because we put productivity on a pedestal. They trick us into believing that they are helping us get more done but really, they are just wearing us out by keeping us awake. There are so many things that can affect our overall sleep quality.
1. Stop talking about how bad you sleep.
I’ll admit, this first recommendation is not rooted in science but it has worked wonders for my sleep. My husband and I used to always talk about how we slept. We talked about things like how much we tossed and turned or how many times we got up at night, or what we were worried about. It became as autopilot as talking about the weather. During one stretch of time, when we were both sleeping poorly (and constantly talking about it), we agreed to stop. After a few nights, we were both sleeping better. We didn’t talk about it but it was crystal clear! We rarely talk about our sleep anymore and not reinforcing “how bad we are sleeping” helps us sleep. Just stop talking about your sleep and see what happens.
2. If you want to sleep well, let go of Revenge Bedtime Procrastination.
This habit makes you believe you are taking control of your time. “We value productivity so much that we pack our days,” says Lauren Whitehurst, a cognitive neuroscientist and sleep researcher at the University of Kentucky. She says that “Revenge bedtime procrastination is really a kind of commentary on [our lack of down time.]” It’s not about the inability to sleep; it’s about delaying sleep in an effort to assert some kind of control over your time. It is possible that your restless nights start with your refusal to go to bed in the first place. Give yourself the challenge of honoring a reasonable bedtime for two weeks. See if going to bed on time helps you sleep better and makes you feel better than doing more things before you call it a night.
3. Let go of worrying about things outside of your control (for a little while).
Generally, worries are made-up stories we tell ourselves about something that hasn’t happened yet. Even though we know it hasn’t happened, our bodies absorb our feelings about the worries as if they were happening right now. Any of us who’ve laid in bed and watched one of our own worry movies will have experienced this. All of that fear, angst and stress wraps around our bones. If worry helped us take action and solve problems, maybe it would be worth it. But does it ever? Worry keeps us up at night, weighs us down in the day, and makes us tired, cranky, and scared. It doesn’t fix anything. Worry is a trap. This sneaky habit makes us feel like we are solving problems but instead our minds just spin. Getting out of the worry trap doesn’t mean we’ll never worry. We just won’t stay for the whole movie. Instead, schedule some worry time for tomorrow so your brain can rest tonight.
4. Mentally reviewing your to-do list before bed may keep you wide awake.
It’s so easy to start running through everything you have to do or all the things that have been left un-done. Again this sneaky habit promises control and productivity but all it does is destroy your ability to drift off to sleep. Instead, simply replay your day. Leo Babauta has a method for falling asleep. He says, “Get comfortable and close your eyes, and then replay your day in your head, in every detail possible, from the moment you woke up. Start from the moment your eyes opened, and replay every movement — getting out of bed, starting the coffeemaker, going to the bathroom, washing your hands, or whatever. Don’t summarize — leave nothing out.” I’ve tried this many times and I almost always fall asleep before I reach the end of replaying my day.
5. When you let go of schedule shaming you can sleep well.
If you are hung up on the to-do list and your calendar, feeling bad about not doing enough, schedule shaming has to go! In an interview with The Washington Post, Author Brené Brown said, “The expectations of what we can get done, and how well we can do it, are beyond human scale.” Most of the expectation setting we do is an inside job. Our focus is on getting as much done as possible instead of getting anything done well, or finding joy in what we are doing. When we try to juggle everything, we can’t enjoy anything.
6. Let go of your resistance to doing nothing.
As the saying goes, we are human beings not human doings yet we feel guilty and frustrated when we decide to do nothing. As we relax into nothingness, our brains are in constant search for more to-do’s. It scans your inbox, your text messages and all of the lists. Instead of enjoying doing nothing, you stress about everything. Logically you might thing that wearing yourself out all day will help you sleep well but resting and being gentle helps more. Slowing down and doing nothing is a chance to find rest, delight and the way back to you.
7. Being bothered and frustrated keeps us up at night.
How do you respond when things don’t go the way you want them to go? Being upset and frustrated takes a lot of energy. Before you fall into a frustration spiral that turns into stress and anxiety, check in. Ask yourself what’s really bothering you. Then make a list of potential solutions, people who can help and what you might be able to do in order to let the air out of the frustration balloon. When you feel frustrated or disappointed, could you find some relief in accepting the reality of the situation and moving on? This “check-in” will require a pause and a look at what you are contributing to any situation. As Byron Katie says, “It’s not the problem that causes our suffering; it’s our thinking about the problem.”
8. Release the tricky habit of trying to catch up on sleep (and other things).
A consistent routine of going to sleep and waking up around the same time is one of the best ways to ensure that you sleep well most of the time. When you don’t have a good night of sleep or something comes up that prevents you from going to bed on time, don’t try to catch up. Just get back on your regular sleep schedule. Catching up is a sneaky habit for sleep and in other areas of your life. We try to catch up on sleep but at the same time we sacrifice sleep in the name of catching up on other things. Stop the madness. If catching up worked, we’d be caught up by now.
9. Stop sleeping with your partner.
My husband and I have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for years. It’s one of the reasons we both sleep (on average), 7–9 hours a night. Sleep Divorce may or may not be best for your relationship but don’t let shame or concern about what other people will think, or assumptions about intimacy stop you from being curious if you aren’t getting a great night of sleep with your partner.
10. Let go of phone-first mornings.
You may have tried to limit your screen time or blue light exposure before bed but what about when you wake up? Phone-first mornings remove you from how you want to feel and what you want to care about during the day. Instead you immediately fill yourself with the news, or requests in email, or opinions on social media. Unless there is something on your phone that is truly urgent, imagine how you might create more ease by checking your phone after you’ve spent some time waking up and taking care of you. Take a deep breath and set your phone to Do Not Disturb or sleep mode until an hour or two after you wake up. You can sleep better when you know you are waking up to what you want.
When it comes to sleeping better, there isn’t just one cure or quick fix. There may be times in your life when sleeping better feels impossible! Still, healthy sleep habits help. Try the 10-3-2-1-0 sleep rule. Numerous studies show that when your body’s sleep-wake cycle is consistent you can expect to sleep better. I also like the idea of getting in bed an hour before you want to fall asleep. Experiment to see what works best for you. Like any big change, sleeping better might take hundreds of tiny steps but they are worth it.
Because I’m not a medical professional, I’m steering clear of recommending dietary supplements and other medically related suggestions. If you struggle with insomnia, sleep apnea or another sleep disorder, talk to a healthcare provider you trust. While these ideas were all about letting go or subtracting things to move away from poor sleep, you can add a few things for restful sleep too. Things like meditation or other relaxation techniques, adding a wind down section to your daily routine and a place to hide your devices at night can contribute to better sleep.
