How to Cultivate Dolce far Niente
I watched Eat, Pray, Love last week. I have read the book so many times, that I had to see the movie, twice. I didn’t make my husband suffer through it though. In fact, I had a lazy, rainy afternoon to myself to indulge in this little chick flick.
While the book was much better than the movie (aren’t they always), I was in one of those moods that I couldn’t help but enjoy living vicariously through a woman who traveled to Italy, India and Bali over the course of a year.
This post isn’t meant to be a review of the movie and I don’t think your life will change if you watch it or not, but one sentence in the movie spoke to me.
Dolce Far Niente
There is a scene in a barber shop in Italy when the characters are not doing much of anything and the American feels a little guilty because all she has done for three weeks is “learn a few Italian words and eat.” Her European, mostly Italian friends explain the lovely concept of Dolce Far Niente – the sweetness of doing nothing. Watch this clip from the movie to learn more about Dolce Far Niente. (It’s less than a minute)
How to Cultivate Dolce far Niente
Turn off your TV. Mindless TV watching robs you of your time, even your time to do nothing.
Drink wine with lunch. I don’t suggest this for everyone, or everyday, but once in awhile, a glass of wine with lunch will set the tone for a leisurely afternoon.
Sit Still. Find a chair, inside or out, and sit there. Gaze, daydream or just sit.
Sabbath. Really take a day off. Make the time for this important ritual.
Eat chocolate with these instructions from Vosges Chocolate:
- See… first, there should be a glossy shine to the chocolate bar, this shows a good temper; rather, a tight bond between the cocoa butter and the cocoa mass.
- Smell… rub your thumb on the chocolate to help release the aromas. Inhale the chocolate and ingredient notes deeply through your nose. Can you feel it?
- Snap… quality chocolate should always be dry to the touch. Break the bar into two pieces. Hear a crisp, ringing snap, which indicates a well-tempered bar of chocolate.
- Taste… place the chocolate on your tongue and press it to the roof of your mouth. Within thirty seconds, the chocolate should slowly begin to melt around your tongue. The taste should not be evanescent; it should have a long, lingering finish.
- Feel… recognize the life in your body as you… benefit from the anti-oxidants in chocolate, ride the natural high of chillies, boost your immune system with some of the natural ingredients. Each bar brings its own sensations and benefits. Notice how spicy bars don’t hit you until after you have swallowed.
Inspire your inner poet. Read beautiful poetry or Love Letters. Write something for or about someone you love.
Make dinner with your lover. Choose a simple recipe, turn on some music and collaborate in the kitchen.
Leave the dinner dishes. You don’t have to clean the kitchen the second you stop eating. Instead, move the party to your backyard or for a walk around the neighborhood. The dishes aren’t going anywhere.
Disconnect. Facebook, Twitter, and email are not Dolce far Niente or anything even close. If disconnecting is a problem for you, consider a digital sabattical.
We have to let go of the guilt for not planning, producing and consuming. While this may be cultural, I think people around the world experience the pressure to measure the success of their day by what they’ve accomplished. If that is the case for you, it’s time for a new measuring system. Instead of number of appointments you’ve made, rooms you’ve cleaned, miles driven or shopping accomplished, try measuring your day by the number of times you smiled about nothing, watched the grass grow, or measure success by how long it took you to linger over dinner.
Doing nothing is hard work, at first. Imagine how stressful the first few days of a vacation can be as you decompress, and let go of work, and real life. Your face is tense and you might have trouble breaking up with your email. Now imagine the last few days of a vacation. You can’t remember what had you stressed out, your eyes are light, your muscles are loose and you could lay in a hammock all day.
You don’t need a two week vacation to find your Dolce far Niente, but you have to practice. How will you find yours?
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34 Responses to “How to Cultivate Dolce far Niente”
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today is my fourth {and last} day in a row of absolutely no plans. {last night i watched eat, pray, love…funny coincidence!} it’s been refreshing to be at home with no set agenda. i feel relaxed and like i’ve experienced each day to the fullest…allowing each moment to be my guide…not me guiding the moments. there truly is a sweetness in doing nothing.
That line clicked with me both in the movie and the book. I often feel guilty for just doing nothing and ever since then, I’ve tried to remind myself of that quote!
It’s so true. How many of us greet our loved ones at the end of the day with the question “what did you do today?” – because it’s what has been done that defines the day.
I’d like to come up with a better question for my family.
How about, “What was the happiest part of your day” or “What made you smile today?”
Love the movie! And I love this concept. That we give ourselves permission to enjoy time, just because we can. We sure need to learn how to do this! I did yesterday, I took a 3 hour nap!
Great post!
Bernice
Is it time to sharpen your saw?
Thank you for this post, Courtney! Agreed, the book is better, but the movie is a visual delight. Love the scene when they wake up and eat the turkey for breakfast ~ I think, judging by the look on her face, that’s when she starts to absorb the idea of ‘dolce far niente’…and, ironically, starts to see that her time in Italy has been productive in the sense that it has brought her to a place of gratitude and plenty.
Caroline, That is a great scene and great take on your part in how letting go got her to where she needed to be.
I need this. Yesterday I had to make myself come back to work after lunch. The day started so stressfully that I literally felt like I had run marathon. I need to carve some time out for the “sweetness of nothing”. Short of locking yourself in the bathroom, how does one achieve that with 2 toddlers?
Laura, That is a great question! My daughter is 15 now, but I remember trying to nap when she napped, or plan my downtime around hers. I think too often, parents try to “get things done” or “catch up” while their children are sleeping or occupied, but that needs to be the time where you refuel and relax.
Moms of toddlers? Any input?
Laura: they leave you alone if you lock the door? My 1.5 year old just bangs on the door until I open it.
I only have one but I find toddlers are 24/7. To get some peace I use nap times as me time. That means no housework or work work. I read, cook if I want to or get some exercise. My husband and I give each other at least one night a week to go out and do whatever we like. Sometimes I just go read in a coffee shop. I do love my alone time.
The upside to life with a toddler: you really appreciate your lazy rest time when you get it.
Rachel, I just had to laugh at your comment! Yes, I get the door banging, too. Seems to be universal, huh?
You might want to check out my latest short post: The Sweetness of Doing Nothing. Sound familiar?
Ironically, I also heard the term from Eat, Pray, Love. (Read the book first, then saw the film.)
You are so right, though – doing nothing is hard work. Most people often don’t realize that doing nothing doesn’t mean sitting around on the couch in front of the television. It means taking a break from everything to just sit and breathe. We need to give ourselves this mini vacation almost every day. Imagine how much more everyone would smile and express kindness if we all adopted this mindset!
Great write-up.
Laura, It must be true! Great minds think alike.
Yes, yes, yes! This post really spoke to me. How often we do measure the success of our days by the things we accomplished, not the connections we made to others or the thoughts and reflections we had about ourselves. Thank you for the beautiful reminder.
Let me be the first male to chime in here and say, “Great post again, Courtney!” Love this. I haven’t read the book or the movie. I’ve certainly heard about it and even read some things about the author.
The man in the clip is so right about Americans. The Puritan work ethic that has been instilled in us is driving us to an early grave. I’ve traveled to many countries and without a doubt the American work ethic is much more intense than any other place that I know of. The challenge for me is finding the balance between living up to the expectations of being a productive worker/leader and living a life of pleasure, simplicity, and seeking those things that I value.
I will definitely tweet and blog about this, Courtney. Thanks again. I like how you think!
Great post! So needed in these frantic times of expected busyness. My personal favorite was the suggestion to just sit and gaze. Every time I do that I feel refreshed and have more focus for the rest of my day (if I choose to use it.
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Cheers!
I read the book but haven’t seen the movie yet.
Last week I was crazy with trying to get everything on my to-do list done. I actually forgot to go to dance on wednesday, and all I thought about was sleep during the week. I did nothing on the weekend.
I should probably be learning spanish for this summer… currently, if anyone asked me how much spanish I know, I’d say “un poco español” and not realize what I did wrong.
Thank you for this post! I just stumbled on to your website by a friend of mine. It’s difficult for me, but I’m working on slowing down, especially when it comes to free time. It’s difficult to really switch off that “must be productive” brainwashing!
Laura’s Last Post: Bueller? Bueller?
I loved the book. And I was struck by a similar concept, while vacationing and visiting family in France a couple of years ago. When I asked my sister in law why she had done something–can’t remember what it was–she looked at me with disbelief and said “Pour se faire plaisir!” For the pleasure of it. To give oneself pleasure. (Sounds almost illicit in English, doesn’t it?) Pleasure, and beauty, are ideals to live and pursue in everyday life. I found it hard to bring this awareness back to my life home in the States, where I usually feel pressure to do, to accomplish, to complete, to become. But I’m working on it! Just to BE.
The pursuit of pleasure and beauty are the next trap, after the needs and duty trap !
Being able to do NOTHING is hard due to the mind always ‘needing’ to do something !
Should someone be pointing a gun at me, I’d probably say “How to cultivate *Il* Dolce Far Niente” probably sounds better, but remember, I’m practically a language/grammar-nazi
By the way, great article about something, as an Italian, I’m NOT very good at.
Some years ago I went to Tibet on a pilgrimage. Upon my return, a lot changed. One of the habits I established is that of sitting on my porch every day when I get home from work. Very rarely, someone will stop by to sit with me, but mostly it is a time for nuthin. I watch the traffic, like watching surf roll in and out. I watch the little birds at the feeder and in the tall lilac bushes in front of the porch. I listen to them, to the robins and cardinals and crows and sparrows and other urban birds. Sometimes I smell exhaust, but I also smell smoke from fireplaces in neighbors’ cozy homes, and vegetation. Since the porch is open, I may only sit for 10 or 15 minutes if it is very cold. But I may sit for a couple hours. My “reason?” I think of it as taking off my emotional shoes so I only enter the house feeling settled and peaceful. If you are in the neighborhood, stop by and join me!
Awesome, Pam! I love the idea of taking off your emotional shoes before entering your house. That’s a great gem. Thanks!
Gidday from down under, ironically, just a week out from a year to the date if your post about ‘dolce far niente’, I too posted on my Facebook that I’m loving this very thing so much! I get bored with the mundane routine of working in an office, I feel like a battery hen; sit, stay 6 produce, & it was driving me insane. So… 3 weeks ago I quit my job and I’m in search of something better. The concept of getting up each morning having breakfast driving to an office in traffic, sitting in a cube farm typing away and staring at a computer for 8-9 hours a day, driving home having dinner going to bed …then getting up and doing it all over again the next day (for years on end) has simply got to be the definition of insanity (or push you to that state??)
So I’m in search of something more , something new I actually enjoy doing everyday, something that fulfills my travel spirit, something I’m passionate about, something touches your soul. I’ve done this before, actually done this with every job I’ve ever had! A job gets to a point where it has an expiry date for me and I just up & leave. Don’t get me wrong I’m not the unreliable type, I’ve been in most positions 5, 6, to11 years, & I don’t leave on bad terms. I just realise it’s time to let go & let life happen in a different direction. I’ve never left a job to go straight to another 1, I’ve always left with nothing to go to, I just feel it easier & better to find the next right position for you when you’re not already in a job. my feeling is is your hunting that badly to get out of a job & start another straight away you’ll often end up in the wrong position & that’s not good for you, nor your future employer. So here I am jobless, having some fun and not exactly in a difficult financial situation at the moment (so I guess that’s a good position) but for (til the universe finds me that next new role) I’m enjoying immensely ‘dolce far niente’!
I have to try it! feel so happy when someone tells you to stop and feel the moment!