Sentimental clutter is a category of clutter I avoided for years. I did not want to let go at first. Decluttering comes in waves and stages and layers. Sentimental clutter can feel like the deepest depths of those waves and stages and layers.
I saved sentimental clutter and books and didn’t address it until the rest of my stuff was gone. Because I was so sentimental all the stuff tied to my childhood memories had sentimental value. The dishes and the clothes in my closets seemed easy compared to the stuff that was seemingly attached to my heart. I’ve let go of many sentimental things in my decluttering journey, but there were a few boxes I held on to until our big downsize. Some keepsakes were harder to part with.
Things like …
- The little plastic bracelet I wore my first few hours on earth
- The red sparkly dance outfit I wore when I was two
- My junior high report cards
- A newspaper from the day that NYC and the world was forever changed
- Yearbooks
- Ticket stubs
- Champagne corks
- The little plastic bracelet my daughter wore during her first few hours
- Books I read to my daughter so many times that she started catching me when I skipped a page
- Love letters
- Break up letters
- Our wedding day menu
- Rocks shaped like hearts that I found hiking with the love of my life
Some of these things made me smile, some made me cry, but each of them brought me out of my life and into my past. We often store our sentimental items in the basement, attic or garage. They live in boxes we rarely open. As I started going through my sentimental belongings and piles, the ticket stubs, the letters, my mind wasn’t here anymore… but back there. In an effort to hold on tight I thought, “It’s not hurting anything or anyone to keep this stuff.” and then I remembered that I want my standard to be more in line with “How is this helping?” instead of, “How is this not hurting?”
Instead of lingering in the past, I want to be right here in my big beautiful life to …
- laugh with my family
- read books in the backyard
- be immersed in creative projects
- go hiking
- work with awesome people
- send new love letters
I don’t want my legacy to be storage containers of stuff. In one hundred years, no one will care about a letter of recommendation I received from an art professor that meant so much to me. No one will care how excited I was to get a ticket to a sold out concert at the last-minute. The stuff won’t matter, but the stories will. I have my stories and I’ll tell them to people who care. And they will tell them to people who care. When I go, I don’t want to be remembered by the stuff I left behind, but how I loved while I was here. Once I identified why I wanted to let it all go, the paper and plastic stuff that made up my memories didn’t have a hold on me or my heart anymore.
I released most of my sentimental possessions and memorabilia. And along with it, I released any guilt or emotional attachment. I celebrated the empty storage space and bins. I don’t regret letting go of journals, t-shirts, old photos and family heirlooms. Letting go of these souvenirs didn’t mean I was letting go of special memories, only that I was making room for new memories.
How to Get Rid of Sentimental Clutter
Here are answers to your questions about sentimental clutter. If it makes letting go easier, take pictures of all your sentimental stuff. I did that! I have photos of all of it. I took those pictures more than 12 years ago and I’ve never looked at them. If it’s so important and you want to keep it, figure out how to use and display it.
How do I let go of sentimental clutter like birthday cards, wedding invitations and other messages?
A friend of mine lost her parents early in her life. When she began to declutter, she started with her boxes of saved cards. “The funny thing is that they were just sitting in a box in my closet. I never looked at them or read them,” she says. She decided to read through all of the cards one last time and then let them go, with the exception of two birthday cards—one from her mom and one from her dad. It was a moving surprise to find them as they both included touching, handwritten messages. She now keeps both cards in her nightstand drawer. What I love about my friend’s story is how it not only demonstrates the power of letting go but reminds us that by holding on to everything, it’s hard to remember what matters. When everything is important, nothing is.
What about yearbooks full of personal notes?
When I looked at my old high school yearbooks, I couldn’t remember who wrote what. The messages that were very personal when I was in high school couldn’t compare to the little notes that I exchange today with my family or a good conversation with my sister. Assess the meaning of those messages in your life today. If they aren’t relevant, release them. Let go to let in.
How do you let go of stuff that has been handmade lovingly for you, but it is not your taste?
This is a tough question and the answer is more for the gift givers and creators. If you do make things or have a specific craft or art specialty, ask your friends and family if they would like you to make them something OR if you can make something for a local organization in their name. For instance, if you are a quilter, you could make a quilt for a homeless shelter in the name of a friend. When you give a gift, include permission to pass it on without hurt feelings. As the recipient of arts and crafts (I’m an artist so I don’t take this lightly), ask the artist if you can donate the item to a place that could really benefit like a fundraising auction, library, retirement home, or appropriate venue/event.
What should I do with my wedding dress?
Great photographs are enough for me to remember my wedding day and the people who celebrated the event. I gave my wedding dress away but clipped a tiny piece of material from my dress and my mother’s wedding dress and saved them. Perhaps there are other ways to save pieces of your sentimental items like taking a picture or keeping a tiny piece but mostly, giving yourself permission to live your life in the present moment is the most profound thing you can do.
How do I declutter my children’s artwork and other stuff?
If your children are grown, give them their stuff and trust them to decide what to do with it. Give them permission to keep it or get rid of it so they don’t hold onto it for you. If your children are younger, lovingly display their artwork and report cards and instead of saving all of it, save a few pieces or photograph them and make a digital memory book for your child. I gave my grown daughter a small box of her stuff and she can do whatever she wants with it.
How can I let go of someone else’s stuff after they’ve died?
I haven’t been in this situation yet, but my recommendation is to be gentle with yourself through the grieving process. Remind yourself that letting go of their stuff is not disrespectful. It doesn’t mean you don’t honor their life or your relationship. Living your best life is the best way to honor the lives of the people you’ve lost (and that doesn’t usually include holding on to all of their stuff).
What about gifts?
The real gift in giving gifts is communication. There may be some people in your life who are tired of exchanging gifts. Float the idea with your loved ones. If they aren’t open to it, see if you can exchange gifts that are consumable or experiential. Always include permission to return or pass a gift on. We have a clutter problem out here and gifts aren’t contributing in a positive way. If what you are are trying to convey is, “I love and care about you,” say that. Demonstrate it without a physical item. When someone tells you they are simplifying and don’t want gifts for themselves or their children, honor their request. That’s love.
I don’t have to let go of sentimental items because I don’t collect them anymore. As it turns out, being fully present creates a memory. Really showing up and noticing my life is far more powerful than holding on to a physical object. I feel just as much emotion without the obligation of taking care of more stuff. You don’t have to let it all go at once. Take it slowly and honor your memories. Moving forward, instead of capturing moments and boxing them up, embrace them. Be fully engaged and moved right now instead of when you are sorting through the past in a garage or attic. Let your legacy be how you love, how you treat people, and the light you bring to this world instead of the stuff you leave behind.
