These tips will help you discover how to be a good friend even as a busy adult. Close friends are a big part of feeling good and improving our mental health.
Life can get busy and as result, our friendships suffer. Lately, my schedule has been fuller than I’d like. I’m reflecting on ways to do less, so that I can make more space for the activities and people I love. As such, I’ve been thinking about how to be a good friend.
I love revisiting articles and books that inspire me; especially when I’m reflecting on how to be a better friend. For example, one of my favorite writers, Anne Helen Petersen, wrote a piece titled – You’d Be Happier Living Closer to Friends. Why Don’t You?. In the article Petersen discussed why adults don’t live closer to their friends. Some of the reasons included not being socialized to prioritize friendship, friends who scattered across wide geographic areas, the housing market, job status, and more. Also, not prioritizing friendships can lead to loneliness.
8 Meaningful Ways To Be A Good Friend (even if you are busy)
You might not be able to move closer to friends. However, the authors reminded me that it is possible to be a good friend even when I’m busy (and far away). We all go through fuller times in life and being (and having) a good friend can lower stress. Even if you can’t be as available as you usually are, these suggestions can help you maintain and even deepen your friendships.
1. Communicate honestly
Let your friends know what’s happening in your life (both good and bad). Tell them about your schedule, and let them know when you have time to hang out. Being honest about your time constraints is important, and it’s just as important to tell your friends that you love them and want to stay connected. Communication + respectful boundaries is important to the depth and quality of friendships!
2. Prioritize quality not quantity
There are many ways to keep in touch with friends. Some ways to stay connected include sending text messages, voice memos, letters, sharing updates on social media, and my favorite – phone calls. For example, if you don’t have an hour to chat with a friend on the phone, talk for 15 to 30 minutes. Focus on the quality – not quantity – of your interactions. Even a short phone call or a text message can strengthen your relationships.
3. Schedule time to connect
The best way for me to stay connected with friends is scheduling specific times to hang out (either on the phone or in-person). Also, I send text messages and voice memos to friends frequently. These commitments are just as important as my job or a doctor’s appointment. If you have downtime, schedule time to spend with your friends.
4. Give support when they need it most
Recently, one of my friends broke up with their romantic partner. I tried to show my support for them, even though I couldn’t physically be there. I sent encouraging text messages, listened to their stories on the phone, sent them uplifting postcards, and more. If your friend is having a hard time, offer support and let them know you care. Small gestures of love are powerful and are often all it takes to be a good friend. When you demonstrate the qualities of a good friend that you look for in a healthy friendship, your efforts are often reciprocated.
5. Use technology to stay connected
I’m a fan of digital minimalism and utilizing technology. I’ve learned to use technology with intention, and that has made my friendships stronger. It’s also made me happier. For example, I love using my phone to stay in touch with friends. Phone calls, text messages, and video calls help me stay connected and updated on what’s happening in the lives of people I love. You don’t have to be face to face to offer comfort and receive encouragement.
6. Be flexible with your expectations
Sometimes I can’t see my friends as much as I’d like, so it’s important for me to be flexible and loving when thinking about how to be a good friend. For example, friends have work commitments, kids, or the responsibility of caring for aging parents. Part of being a good friend means that I need to be empathetic, understanding, and flexible with their schedule.
7. Share your interests and hobbies
You don’t have to have everything in common to experience healthy relationships. By sharing your your interests and hobbies though, you have more to chat about and it is a great way to spend quality time together. You can bake together, knit, hike or share books you love. Spending time with old friends and new ones can become a great mood boosting habit.
8. Don’t try to fix everything
During tough times, you’ll want to offer advice and tips on how to make everything better. Instead start with empathy, grace and compassion. Give your emotional support without being worried about being inundated with helpful strategies. Having this self-awareness is an often overlooked secret to true friendship.
If you’re in a busy season of life, you can still make time for friends. Reach out to a friend you love today. Say hello and make a date to connect or share this article and say, “this made me think of you.”
