How is your day going?

How was your day yesterday or one day last week?

Do you remember what happened; how you felt, who you spent time with, what you saw, heard, tasted, or experienced? Do you remember what moved you to tears or laughter? What you had for breakfast?

It wasn’t long ago that I didn’t remember any of those things unless I looked at my calendar or my to-do list. Every day felt like a race against the clock and a quest to see how much I could cram in and get through.

Once I began to simplify my life, I realized I wanted more than to just get through my life. I wanted to show up for it, to be in my life and not just checking pieces of it off my list each day. I wanted to stop proving myself by what I accomplished and start noticing what meant something to me.

These are things I’ve done that have made the biggest difference and allowed me to be fully present for what matters to me. These aren’t listed in order of importance. This isn’t a competition or a race and these are all practices I continue to revisit and refine.

Experiment, be curious, be gentle with yourself and remember you aren’t doing this to have a simple, organized life, you are doing it to have a life – a life you get to witness and want to show up for and experience with your whole heart.

Life has a way of taking over and sweeping us up so showing up for it won’t be an accident. We have to do it on purpose.

5 Simple Ways To Show Up For Your Life

1. Make a little space.
When everything is important, nothing is. Start to show up for your life by making room for it. Make a little space by clearing some distractions from your living space, your working space, and from your calendar and to-do list. This doesn’t mean you have to get rid of everything right way. Even 5% less will make a difference.

2. Put your phone down.
Our digital devices add value to our lives but they also steal us from our lives if we let them. When you put your phone (or other devices) down, you can notice your surroundings, listen to your heart, and make eye contact with your loves. You can pay attention to what is right in front of you.

Research shows that too much screen time has a negative impact on our attention spans and relationships which means a negative impact on our mental health and the way we show up for our lives.

There are plenty of things we can do to manage digital usage like turning off notifications or switching on airplane mode but the only way to show all the way up for the life right in front of us is to put the phone down.

3. Dress with less.
Deciding what to wear requires mental energy better spent on other things. Clean out your closet for good, create a uniform, or try minimalist fashion challenge Project 333. By choosing what to wear from a small capsule wardrobe, you’ll get to wear your favorite things everyday and eliminate decision fatigue. Save your brain power for more meaningful decisions, creative ideas and problem solving throughout the day.

4. Morning routine.
Sometimes my morning routine is hours of writing, walking, yoga, and meditation. When I travel or have an early morning meeting, my morning routine is a shorter version of meditation and reading or writing. Consistency is more important than intensity when creating a morning routine that fuels your day and helps you show up for your life. Here are 10 teeny tiny things you can do to start your morning routine.

5. Do less.
When you are overwhelmed, tired or stressed … the solution is less. Get rid of something on your calendar, something on your to-do list, something on your mind, and something on your heart. Let go of the idea that you have to get it all done or who you are is somehow measured by what you cross off your to-do list. You are so much more than that.

Even if you aren’t overly busy, becoming more intentional about how you spend your time and energy will help you get your life back.

Simplicity is the way back to love because it gives us the time, space and presence we desire to show all the way up for our beautiful, messy, magnificent lives.

P.S. If you want more on how to show up for your life, read this. For a deeper dive, take the course.

Special note: While I understand that America is not the world, there are many recommendations (especially in the second section of this article) that will help you make a difference wherever you live. The changes we make in our own communities and countries have a ripple effect that can in fact change the world.

If like me, you find the frequency of mass shootings in America unbearable (and I know that is 100% of you), let’s work together and try to change the world.

You might be wondering … but what can I do? I’m glad you asked. I have some recommendations.

You may also be thinking … I already have so much on my plate, or this is too hard … and while both of those things may be true, I have some thoughts on that too … ways you can take care while you change the world.

No matter how you feel about guns and gun ownership, we all want our children to be safe. We want each other to be safe and well and out there enjoying life.

Why we must take action

“The numbers are staggering, as in you hear them and actually stagger: Firearms are the #1 leading cause of death for American children and teens. The Uvalde shooting was the 212th mass shooting of 2022 in the U.S. The Uvalde shooting was the 27th school shooting in the U.S. this year. In the 23 years since the school shooting in Columbine, Colorado, Congress hasn’t passed a single, major gun safety law. Instead, the only notable change since the Sandy Hook school shooting a decade ago, writes Zara Rahim, is that “kids are now formally trained to hide, barricade doors, fight, or run for their lives. that was the solution. to literally put the responsibility on them to figure it out and wish them luck.”- From this article.

8 ways to change the world

We’ll be so much more powerful if a lot of us are doing a little rather than a few doing it all. I’ll be honest. I usually have a few things on auto pilot, like monthly donations and occasionally calling representatives. Then when something awful happens, I rush in and do a little more until the horror subsides, even though it never really does because before it can, there is more. Moving forward, I’m going to act more consistently.

1. Call your senators.
Leave a detailed message about the changes you want them to make. If you are really pleased with how they are doing, let them know.

Learn why it’s important and how to do it here.

Find out who your senators are and their contact info here.

2. Subscribe to something actionable.
Jessica Craven, creator of Chop Wood, Carry Water shares daily newsletters with 5-7 minutes of action steps including detailed scripts so you can call and or email your reps. If you don’t support progressive policies, you might not enjoy this. Instead of daily action, I’m focusing on weekly action so I open her newsletter once or twice a week vs. daily. If you are interested in taking consistent (almost effortless) action, Jessica does the heavy lifting for you.

For instance, last week she supplied this script to use when calling senators.

Hi, I’m a constituent calling from [zip]. My name is ______.

I want the Senator to strongly support and vote to pass H.R. 8 – the Bipartisan Background Checks Act, and H.R.1446 – the Enhanced Background Checks Act, bills that the overwhelming majority of Americans from both parties approve of. I am VERY frustrated that Congress went on recess before these were voted on. We are a grieving, angry, terrified nation. Come back and do something now. Thanks.

I appreciate that she links to the actual bill! I feel so much more informed before reaching out and demanding change.

3. Get your news delivered in a gentler way.
If you are overwhelmed with breaking news, subscribe to The Skimm. Because I don’t like to overwhelm myself with breaking news, I start with The Skimm. I read the short overviews of daily news and decide if I want to dive deeper (or not).

4. Join this.
Join the Everytown Summer Series. When you sign up for the Summer Series, you’ll receive just one text message a week that contains a short video and a quick action. Joining the Summer Series is the most efficient way for you to have a big impact, even when your time to act is tight. The videos and actions will always be under 20 minutes combined, and you can complete the action on the spot or wait until you have time to spare.

5. Read this.
If you think this is a hopeless situation, educate yourself on what can actually make a difference. Read The 6 Things The Senate Can Do To Prevent Senseless Shootings.

Reading these 10 slides on Instagram will help too.

See how your state ranks. This ranking system measures states based on the strength of it’s gun laws compared to the rate of gun violence. See where your state (and the rest) rank here.

6. Listen to this.
I used to assume this was a fight between people who loved guns and people who didn’t. After listening to this interview with Shannon Watts, founder of Moms Demand Action (the nation’s largest grassroots group fighting against gun violence), I realize that whatever your relationship with guns is, most of us want common sense gun regulation like background checks and red flag laws (laws that keep guns from people who are judged to be a danger to themselves or others).

7. Vote. 
If we want there to be change, we must vote for people who will support the change we want. That means local elections too!

8. Donate.
If you are able, donate to organizations like: Mom’s Demand Action and Everytown.

How we can take care while we change the world

1. Assess your media consumption.
How do you get your news? How much time a week do you spend watching “breaking news” or reading tragic headlines. Who do you follow on Social Media? How much time are you investing in debating what you believe with people who can’t change anything? How long does it take you to recover from depressing news stories?

2. Change the way you consume media. 
While we can’t turn a blind eye, we can find ways of getting information and taking action instead of getting information and then getting more information and more and more and more. Imagine what you could accomplish if you spent 30 minutes to an hour a week of your media time on doing advocacy work for the changes you want to see in the world. Challenge yourself to take 5-10 minutes of action before checking news or social media (for your first check of the day or every check of the day). Start with one of the eight recommendations above.

3. Curate your social media. 
Follow the people and companies who inspire you to make the changes you want to make. Unfollow the people who you really don’t enjoy following (they are only taking you away from how you really want to spend your time).

4. Simplify. 
Continue to reduce stress and overwhelm by simplifying your life. As you create more space in your home and on your calendar and to-do list, you’ll have more time and energy for what matters to you (including advocacy work). To change the world, you may have to simplify your world.

5. Rest. 
You don’t need to justify rest and relaxation but especially when you are feeling overwhelmed or noticing that things are feeling very heavy, rest and take care of yourself so you can come back and fight some more. When you reach the point of complete depletion it’s harder to recover so pay attention to how you feel.

Yes, there is more to be done and if more of us are doing it, we can rest and take breaks.

6. Prioritize delight. 
Does it delight you to bake for your neighbors, read a book under the covers, call a dear friend or watch The Holiday (even when it’s not the holidays)? Whatever it is that gives you that little spark of delight, do it. If you need it, consider this your permission slip to prioritize delight.

7. Schedule your advocacy. 
Once you’ve shifted your media consumption, commit to daily or weekly (or something in between) advocacy sessions when you can make a donation, email or call your reps or find a new way to change the world. There are action steps for all of us. Texting and emailing for the introverts and local meetings for the extroverts.

8. When it’s too heavy, put it down. 
Always prioritize your mental health. When you need a break, take one. If enough of us are doing this work, we can carry it for you while you rest. When you are stronger, pick it up again.

If we are going to change the world, we must do these things too. It’s not an either or situation but instead, both and. 

We can both write to our senators and reject breaking news.

We can both read an article to educate ourselves on the necessary changes we want to support and watch our favorite movie.

We can both attend a march or a meeting to support a cause that is meaningful to us and go to bed early.

Once you have a chance to look through the recommendations above, choose the ones that resonate with you and that you can fit into your schedule consistently. Even if it’s only one thing, it will make a difference.

Together, inch by inch, we will change the world.

Stop email from interrupting your creativity and connections by getting out of your inbox and into your life.

I rely on email to support my work, connect with people, and even to deliver this very article. That said, when we prioritize email, we make sacrifices. We compromise …

• joy
• creativity
• productivity
• focus
• connection

If you are like me, you appreciate the power of email, but clearly see how distracting and even destructive it can be. Can you remember being in the middle of a conversation with someone when they were distracted by an email popping up on their phone? Have you ever had plans to start on a new project, but a quick email check completely derailed your intentions, because the 5-minute check turned into a 2-hour session?

Stop email and take your power back.

Other than very limited, special circumstances, I don’t check email in the early morning. I know that it is just an invitation to get caught up in non-urgent requests. Even though those requests might be interesting and good, they don’t come first. Meditation comes first, coffee comes first, a walk comes first, writing comes first. Your list may look different but what’s more urgent than email for you?

If you use email on a daily basis and want to take back the power of prioritizing your day, use these following tips to de-prioritize your email. They will show you how to get out of your inbox and into your life.

1. Set limits.
The limits are for you. Create limits that protect mornings, evenings, or other times of day when you are most creative, or during the times you connect with your family. For instance, impose limits like:

• no email before 10am, or after 7pm
• only check email 2X a day
• Try Yesterbox (or another structured system). Yesterbox is an email approach where instead of trying to keep up with every new email that lands in your inbox today, your only goal is to clear out mail from yesterday. This article says, “An additional benefit of this approach is that you give people a response within a reasonable timeframe (24–36 hours), while simultaneously training them not to expect instant replies. Email was never intended as a chat-like communication platform and “the tyranny of email” largely stems from people using it in that manner.”

Experiment and be flexible until you find something that works for you.

2. Share expectations.
The expectations are for everyone else. Let co-workers, clients, and even family know what your limits are and the best way to reach you if they need an immediate response. Include a P.S. or something in your email signature that lets people know what to expect. For instance, P.S. I check email every other day so please expect to hear from me in 48 hours. 

3. Turn off notifications.
If you get a notification every time you get an email, you are setting yourself up for a day of complete distraction and overwhelm. You don’t need to know the moment a new email arrives. You run your inbox or it will run you.

4. Try a weekend autoresponder.
It took me years to try using an autoresponder but now I have one on all the time.

Start with weekends. Just because the internet is open 24/7, you are not. I want to be available if you have questions about a course or something else I offer and my auto-responder explains how to take next steps.

5. Be brief and kind when you respond.
Most emails can be answered with only a few sentences and brevity/getting right to the point demonstrates that you want to serve while valuing everyone’s time, including your own.

A handful of email requires a longer response. Those are typically the email messages that fall into the “respond later” pile. If a lengthy response is required, considered an audio message. It’s personal, saves time, and will allow you to get to the heart of the matter without worrying if you put the comma in the right place. It also eliminates the concern of “are they going to take this the right way?”

For more accessibility, you could include an audio recording and transcript.

6. Remove email from your phone.
There is only one way to know if you can live and work without email on your phone. Remove it. Try a 30-90 day window and see what it’s like. I removed email from my phone years ago and can think of fewer than 3 instances when it would have been convenient to have email on my phone. Now I never think about it. That means if I am away from my computer, I don’t check email. I don’t check it when I’m out to eat, in an airport, in the car, when I’m waiting or bored. It can wait.

7. Get sacred with your space.
While you can’t prevent 100% of the nonsense that arrives in your inbox, take responsibility for what you let in there. If you subscribed to a list or website that bombards you with sales offers or deals all day long, remember that you gave them permission (and you can take it back).

Instead of complaining about how annoying the offending company is, unsubscribe or filter out as much junk as you can to protect your inbox. If you make it a sacred space, you’ll think twice about signing up for something you aren’t really interested in. Make room for the good stuff by saying no to what doesn’t serve you or your work.

Stop email from ruining your mornings. Take back the power to pay attention to what matters to you first thing in the morning. Stop email from distracting you and take back focus and clarity. Stop email from having all the power and take back ease and joy too.

If you want to connect, create, and thrive, get out of your inbox and into your life.

If you overdid it recently or if you are overworked, overextended and just over it in general, this is not the time for guilt or wishing things were different. Instead, this is the time for a deep breath and a reset. It’s time to be gentle. Then, it’s time for action and change.

Use your feelings of frustration and discomfort of being over it to motivate a change. Make a change to encourage more health, peace and love in your life. Make a change and do what is best for you. Do not make a change to be a better person. You don’t need to be better, you simply need to shift what’s around you to soothe what’s within you.

10 Simple Ways To Change When You Are Over It

We’ve all reached that point of feeling “I’m over it.” or “Enough.” or “I need to take a nap for three weeks.” If you recognize one of your “over it” things below, consider how you can reset, come back to yourself and start again. If that requires a really long nap, instead of moving forward with the recommendations below, that’s ok too.

1. If you overspent, remember you can return that.

2. If you are overwhelmed the more.more.more of productivity culture, reject it.

3. If you over-drank/over-celebrated, consider a break.

4. If you are over never putting yourself first, be the priority of your own life.

5. If you are over your closet chaos, end it.

6. If you are over trying to simplify on your own, join us in The Simplicity Space.

7. If you are over all of the bad, breaking news, stop watching it.

8. If you are over saying yes when your heart says no, learn to say no.

9. If you are over social media and email, unplug and recharge.

10. If you are over being overwhelmed, remember this.

Before you move forward with any of these recommendations, ask yourself what you really need. Then do what’s best for you.

Most of what I share with you is personal because it’s what I believe, or experienced or recommend. However, it’s not usually directly about me. It’s important to me to not share everything, to recognize the difference between personal and intimate and to share things that matter to you.

This list is a little more fun and personal than usual and I’m including a few things that are for you too.

I’m Courtney Carver and this is what’s true for me today …

1. I work closely with my daughter. Even though we have our own businesses, we co-create a podcast together called Soul & Wit, she helps me with social media and she’s a big part of the day-long business workshop coming up next month. Learn more about the Bloom Workshop here (and read her cute bio).

2. Multiple Sclerosis is my responsibility. When I was diagnosed with ms in 2006, I tried to figure out what I did to get it. I blamed myself for it. Now I know that I am not responsible for it but I am responsible to it. It’s why I destressed, decluttered and dedebted my life. It’s why I take good care now. It’s why I say no, why I go to bed early and why I do my best to live by Liz Lesser’s mantra, “Do no harm, take no shit.”

If you guilt trip yourself when you get sick and can’t get things done or you struggle with a chronic condition, please reframe. You are not responsible for it. You are responsible to it.

3. I don’t support everything I’ve ever thought or written. While I believed what I was writing was true when I wrote it, I’ve changed my view on different things over the 12 years I’ve been sharing my life on the internet. There are people and thoughts and messages I used to support that I don’t support anymore. I won’t let that stop me from sharing what’s meaningful to me now. Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” That’s what I’m doing in life and work.

4. Getting back to basics is a part of my wellness routine. Even though I enjoy routine and self-discipline comes pretty naturally, I often come back to basics in different parts of my life and ask, “Is this still working? What needs to shift? Does this still feel good?” In The Simplicity Space membership, we are focusing on getting back to basics for the next few months to ask those questions and more in relation to your simplicity journey. We are only opening up to the waitlist for now, so please join here if you are interested in learning more.

5. I watched Love Is Blind AND The Ultimatum. They were both horrifying to watch and I really enjoyed myself. I had so many fascinating conversations with friends about them. I share this because I want you to know that I live with less, I take walks, read books, meditate every day AND I watched these reality shows. I’m just over here being human.

6. I’m reading three different books right now, four if you count audiobooks. This never happens. I am a one book at a time lady. If you are curious …

• Things That Matter  I’ve been reading this for the last few days and I’m chatting with the author and my friend, Joshua Becker today, Thursday, April 21 at 1:30 ET right here if you’d like to join!
• One Italian Summer Reading this one at night before falling asleep. Note: was crying before page 8.
• Co-Dependent No More From what I understand, this is required reading for most adults.
• The Ex-Boyfriend Yard Sale (audiobook) I’m taking a long time to listen to this one but having a blast with it.

7. I treasure my alone time. Most of my dear friends and family don’t live near me. They live in other states and countries. I miss them and stay connected with phone calls and FaceTime (not social media). I love spending time with my nearby loves and I treasure my alone time. It’s essential for my work and wellbeing. I can be alone by myself or alone with other people. If I’m working at a co-working space or cafe, everything around me disappears. I love being with my people and spending time alone. Both things are true.

8. I don’t mind if you correct my grammar. Seriously, I usually guess when it comes to commas and other punctuation. I’ve emailed my friend Tessa many times asking, “does the comma go here or here” or “is this the right word here?” When I received the edits on my first book, there were hundreds of instances where I didn’t do it right. I used to get lots of email messages about typos and such but not so much anymore. I actually don’t mind it because then I can easily correct things. Just don’t let the typos distract you from what you want out of an article or message. So not worth it.

I hope this gives you permission to start writing more (if you want to) even though you aren’t sure about commas.

9. I’m not very organized. As soon as I start organizing things, or putting things in order or having to arrange things, I am out of my element and a bit annoyed. This is why living with less stuff really serves me. I remember people pointing out where shelves and other cabinets could fit in my home, so I could have more room for my stuff and just thinking about that exhausts me. Why does our stuff always need more stuff? If I get more stuff for my stuff, I know I’ll just end up with more stuff.

10. I feel very connected to you. Whether we’ve met or not, I feel very connected to you. After almost 12 years of sharing myself and my journey on the internet, I’ve connected to people through email, social media, blog comments when I had them and in person events. Knowing that we are all in this together, that we are all on the path even though not always at the same place at the same time makes me feel supported, connected and encouraged to keep connecting with and supporting you right back.

I was inspired to write this post, which is really different from what I usually share by her 10 things project and her 10 things article.

xo,

Courtney

P.S. If you have a small business or are growing something online like a blog, podcast or other creative project and want to share your work and grow in a gentle way, check out Bloom! It’s a one-day business workshop I’m hosting with my amazing team to encourage the kind of work that won’t wear you out. Learn more here. Space is limited.

Have you ever overreacted? Did you ever kind of lose your mind about something that didn’t warrant a total melt down? I have.

My overreactions never helped. In fact, they always added fuel to the fire; more drama, stress, confusion and chaos. Not only didn’t they help the things I was reacting to, but my overreacting wore me out.

By overreacting, it was like experiencing the same thing twice. Once when it happened and again when I brought all of my outrage to the situation. With that, my heart felt double the weight of any circumstance.

Today, underreacting is my superpower.

I’m not suggesting you dismiss your feelings about something, but for the sake of your health, thoughtfully consider how you turn those feelings into action.

If you want to protect your heart, your sleep and the people around you, consider the following 5 thoughtful ways to underreact.

5 Thoughtful Ways To Underreact (Instead of Overreacting)

1. Don’t take things personally.
This one thing will almost always help you underreact. Before you make it all about you and create stories about how the situation you are dealing with is going to impact your life, stop. Tell a different story. Imagine that it has nothing to do with you, that it isn’t about you. Usually, it’s not.

2. Determine if an action or reaction from you is even appropriate. 
Most things don’t require (or deserve) your attention and energy. I have to remind myself this about 84 times a day. When you choose not to react at all to gossip, drama and controversy for the sake of controversy, you conserve your precious time and energy for what really matters.

Begin to notice how things unfold when you remove yourself. Without your struggle, control or attempt to fix something, how does it turn out? When you see that things have a way of working themselves out, you will feel more comfortable, relieved even to let go more often.

3. Do what you can, then let go.
Consider the best course of action, do what you can and then let go. Don’t insert yourself all the way through, every step of the way. You may have to come back and make adjustments but you don’t have to obsess and control and give everything up to handle most things (that’s overreacting).

4. Recognize what else is going on when you overreact.
Do you overreact out of habit or because you are one of the following:

• Hungry
• Hurt
• Tired
• Drunk
• Overwhelmed
• Sick
• Worried

All of those things are going to lower your ability to underreact. Take care of yourself so you are experiencing those things less or not at all.

5. Separate the outside from the inside.
There will always be outrageous, unfair, and upsetting things happening around you. When the world feels chaotic, remember that while much of it is outside of your control, what is in your control is you. Just because everything is chaotic around you, doesn’t mean things have to be chaotic within you.

Once you implement these suggestions, overreacting to things won’t resonate with you anymore. Underreacting will better serve your heart and the hearts around you. When you remove the over from your reacting, you can move more quickly towards a reasonable solution without wearing yourself out in the process.

Your heart will thank you.