Courtney Carver

How is your day going?

How was your day yesterday or one day last week?

Do you remember what happened; how you felt, who you spent time with, what you saw, heard, tasted, or experienced? Do you remember what moved you to tears or laughter? What you had for breakfast?

It wasn’t long ago that I didn’t remember any of those things unless I looked at my calendar or my to-do list. Every day felt like a race against the clock and a quest to see how much I could cram in and get through.

Once I began to simplify my life, I realized I wanted more than to just get through my life. I wanted to show up for it, to be in my life and not just checking pieces of it off my list each day. I wanted to stop proving myself by what I accomplished and start noticing what meant something to me.

These are things I’ve done that have made the biggest difference and allowed me to be fully present for what matters to me. These aren’t listed in order of importance. This isn’t a competition or a race and these are all practices I continue to revisit and refine.

Experiment, be curious, be gentle with yourself and remember you aren’t doing this to have a simple, organized life, you are doing it to have a life – a life you get to witness and want to show up for and experience with your whole heart.

Life has a way of taking over and sweeping us up so showing up for it won’t be an accident. We have to do it on purpose.

5 Simple Ways To Show Up For Your Life

1. Make a little space.
When everything is important, nothing is. Start to show up for your life by making room for it. Make a little space by clearing some distractions from your living space, your working space, and from your calendar and to-do list. This doesn’t mean you have to get rid of everything right way. Even 5% less will make a difference.

2. Put your phone down.
Our digital devices add value to our lives but they also steal us from our lives if we let them. When you put your phone (or other devices) down, you can notice your surroundings, listen to your heart, and make eye contact with your loves. You can pay attention to what is right in front of you.

Research shows that too much screen time has a negative impact on our attention spans and relationships which means a negative impact on our mental health and the way we show up for our lives.

There are plenty of things we can do to manage digital usage like turning off notifications or switching on airplane mode but the only way to show all the way up for the life right in front of us is to put the phone down.

3. Dress with less.
Deciding what to wear requires mental energy better spent on other things. Clean out your closet for good, create a uniform, or try minimalist fashion challenge Project 333. By choosing what to wear from a small capsule wardrobe, you’ll get to wear your favorite things everyday and eliminate decision fatigue. Save your brain power for more meaningful decisions, creative ideas and problem solving throughout the day.

4. Morning routine.
Sometimes my morning routine is hours of writing, walking, yoga, and meditation. When I travel or have an early morning meeting, my morning routine is a shorter version of meditation and reading or writing. Consistency is more important than intensity when creating a morning routine that fuels your day and helps you show up for your life. Here are 10 teeny tiny things you can do to start your morning routine.

5. Do less.
When you are overwhelmed, tired or stressed … the solution is less. Get rid of something on your calendar, something on your to-do list, something on your mind, and something on your heart. Let go of the idea that you have to get it all done or who you are is somehow measured by what you cross off your to-do list. You are so much more than that.

Even if you aren’t overly busy, becoming more intentional about how you spend your time and energy will help you get your life back.

Simplicity is the way back to love because it gives us the time, space and presence we desire to show all the way up for our beautiful, messy, magnificent lives.

P.S. If you want more on how to show up for your life, read this. For a deeper dive, take the course.

Special note: While I understand that America is not the world, there are many recommendations (especially in the second section of this article) that will help you make a difference wherever you live. The changes we make in our own communities and countries have a ripple effect that can in fact change the world.

If like me, you find the frequency of mass shootings in America unbearable (and I know that is 100% of you), let’s work together and try to change the world.

You might be wondering … but what can I do? I’m glad you asked. I have some recommendations.

You may also be thinking … I already have so much on my plate, or this is too hard … and while both of those things may be true, I have some thoughts on that too … ways you can take care while you change the world.

No matter how you feel about guns and gun ownership, we all want our children to be safe. We want each other to be safe and well and out there enjoying life.

Why we must take action

“The numbers are staggering, as in you hear them and actually stagger: Firearms are the #1 leading cause of death for American children and teens. The Uvalde shooting was the 212th mass shooting of 2022 in the U.S. The Uvalde shooting was the 27th school shooting in the U.S. this year. In the 23 years since the school shooting in Columbine, Colorado, Congress hasn’t passed a single, major gun safety law. Instead, the only notable change since the Sandy Hook school shooting a decade ago, writes Zara Rahim, is that “kids are now formally trained to hide, barricade doors, fight, or run for their lives. that was the solution. to literally put the responsibility on them to figure it out and wish them luck.”- From this article.

8 ways to change the world

We’ll be so much more powerful if a lot of us are doing a little rather than a few doing it all. I’ll be honest. I usually have a few things on auto pilot, like monthly donations and occasionally calling representatives. Then when something awful happens, I rush in and do a little more until the horror subsides, even though it never really does because before it can, there is more. Moving forward, I’m going to act more consistently.

1. Call your senators.
Leave a detailed message about the changes you want them to make. If you are really pleased with how they are doing, let them know.

Learn why it’s important and how to do it here.

Find out who your senators are and their contact info here.

2. Subscribe to something actionable.
Jessica Craven, creator of Chop Wood, Carry Water shares daily newsletters with 5-7 minutes of action steps including detailed scripts so you can call and or email your reps. If you don’t support progressive policies, you might not enjoy this. Instead of daily action, I’m focusing on weekly action so I open her newsletter once or twice a week vs. daily. If you are interested in taking consistent (almost effortless) action, Jessica does the heavy lifting for you.

For instance, last week she supplied this script to use when calling senators.

Hi, I’m a constituent calling from [zip]. My name is ______.

I want the Senator to strongly support and vote to pass H.R. 8 – the Bipartisan Background Checks Act, and H.R.1446 – the Enhanced Background Checks Act, bills that the overwhelming majority of Americans from both parties approve of. I am VERY frustrated that Congress went on recess before these were voted on. We are a grieving, angry, terrified nation. Come back and do something now. Thanks.

I appreciate that she links to the actual bill! I feel so much more informed before reaching out and demanding change.

3. Get your news delivered in a gentler way.
If you are overwhelmed with breaking news, subscribe to The Skimm. Because I don’t like to overwhelm myself with breaking news, I start with The Skimm. I read the short overviews of daily news and decide if I want to dive deeper (or not).

4. Join this.
Join the Everytown Summer Series. When you sign up for the Summer Series, you’ll receive just one text message a week that contains a short video and a quick action. Joining the Summer Series is the most efficient way for you to have a big impact, even when your time to act is tight. The videos and actions will always be under 20 minutes combined, and you can complete the action on the spot or wait until you have time to spare.

5. Read this.
If you think this is a hopeless situation, educate yourself on what can actually make a difference. Read The 6 Things The Senate Can Do To Prevent Senseless Shootings.

Reading these 10 slides on Instagram will help too.

See how your state ranks. This ranking system measures states based on the strength of it’s gun laws compared to the rate of gun violence. See where your state (and the rest) rank here.

6. Listen to this.
I used to assume this was a fight between people who loved guns and people who didn’t. After listening to this interview with Shannon Watts, founder of Moms Demand Action (the nation’s largest grassroots group fighting against gun violence), I realize that whatever your relationship with guns is, most of us want common sense gun regulation like background checks and red flag laws (laws that keep guns from people who are judged to be a danger to themselves or others).

7. Vote. 
If we want there to be change, we must vote for people who will support the change we want. That means local elections too!

8. Donate.
If you are able, donate to organizations like: Mom’s Demand Action and Everytown.

How we can take care while we change the world

1. Assess your media consumption.
How do you get your news? How much time a week do you spend watching “breaking news” or reading tragic headlines. Who do you follow on Social Media? How much time are you investing in debating what you believe with people who can’t change anything? How long does it take you to recover from depressing news stories?

2. Change the way you consume media. 
While we can’t turn a blind eye, we can find ways of getting information and taking action instead of getting information and then getting more information and more and more and more. Imagine what you could accomplish if you spent 30 minutes to an hour a week of your media time on doing advocacy work for the changes you want to see in the world. Challenge yourself to take 5-10 minutes of action before checking news or social media (for your first check of the day or every check of the day). Start with one of the eight recommendations above.

3. Curate your social media. 
Follow the people and companies who inspire you to make the changes you want to make. Unfollow the people who you really don’t enjoy following (they are only taking you away from how you really want to spend your time).

4. Simplify. 
Continue to reduce stress and overwhelm by simplifying your life. As you create more space in your home and on your calendar and to-do list, you’ll have more time and energy for what matters to you (including advocacy work). To change the world, you may have to simplify your world.

5. Rest. 
You don’t need to justify rest and relaxation but especially when you are feeling overwhelmed or noticing that things are feeling very heavy, rest and take care of yourself so you can come back and fight some more. When you reach the point of complete depletion it’s harder to recover so pay attention to how you feel.

Yes, there is more to be done and if more of us are doing it, we can rest and take breaks.

6. Prioritize delight. 
Does it delight you to bake for your neighbors, read a book under the covers, call a dear friend or watch The Holiday (even when it’s not the holidays)? Whatever it is that gives you that little spark of delight, do it. If you need it, consider this your permission slip to prioritize delight.

7. Schedule your advocacy. 
Once you’ve shifted your media consumption, commit to daily or weekly (or something in between) advocacy sessions when you can make a donation, email or call your reps or find a new way to change the world. There are action steps for all of us. Texting and emailing for the introverts and local meetings for the extroverts.

8. When it’s too heavy, put it down. 
Always prioritize your mental health. When you need a break, take one. If enough of us are doing this work, we can carry it for you while you rest. When you are stronger, pick it up again.

If we are going to change the world, we must do these things too. It’s not an either or situation but instead, both and. 

We can both write to our senators and reject breaking news.

We can both read an article to educate ourselves on the necessary changes we want to support and watch our favorite movie.

We can both attend a march or a meeting to support a cause that is meaningful to us and go to bed early.

Once you have a chance to look through the recommendations above, choose the ones that resonate with you and that you can fit into your schedule consistently. Even if it’s only one thing, it will make a difference.

Together, inch by inch, we will change the world.

Stop email from interrupting your creativity and connections by getting out of your inbox and into your life.

I rely on email to support my work, connect with people, and even to deliver this very article. That said, when we prioritize email, we make sacrifices. We compromise …

• joy
• creativity
• productivity
• focus
• connection

If you are like me, you appreciate the power of email, but clearly see how distracting and even destructive it can be. Can you remember being in the middle of a conversation with someone when they were distracted by an email popping up on their phone? Have you ever had plans to start on a new project, but a quick email check completely derailed your intentions, because the 5-minute check turned into a 2-hour session?

Stop email and take your power back.

Other than very limited, special circumstances, I don’t check email in the early morning. I know that it is just an invitation to get caught up in non-urgent requests. Even though those requests might be interesting and good, they don’t come first. Meditation comes first, coffee comes first, a walk comes first, writing comes first. Your list may look different but what’s more urgent than email for you?

If you use email on a daily basis and want to take back the power of prioritizing your day, use these following tips to de-prioritize your email. They will show you how to get out of your inbox and into your life.

1. Set limits.
The limits are for you. Create limits that protect mornings, evenings, or other times of day when you are most creative, or during the times you connect with your family. For instance, impose limits like:

• no email before 10am, or after 7pm
• only check email 2X a day
• Try Yesterbox (or another structured system). Yesterbox is an email approach where instead of trying to keep up with every new email that lands in your inbox today, your only goal is to clear out mail from yesterday. This article says, “An additional benefit of this approach is that you give people a response within a reasonable timeframe (24–36 hours), while simultaneously training them not to expect instant replies. Email was never intended as a chat-like communication platform and “the tyranny of email” largely stems from people using it in that manner.”

Experiment and be flexible until you find something that works for you.

2. Share expectations.
The expectations are for everyone else. Let co-workers, clients, and even family know what your limits are and the best way to reach you if they need an immediate response. Include a P.S. or something in your email signature that lets people know what to expect. For instance, P.S. I check email every other day so please expect to hear from me in 48 hours. 

3. Turn off notifications.
If you get a notification every time you get an email, you are setting yourself up for a day of complete distraction and overwhelm. You don’t need to know the moment a new email arrives. You run your inbox or it will run you.

4. Try a weekend autoresponder.
It took me years to try using an autoresponder but now I have one on all the time.

Start with weekends. Just because the internet is open 24/7, you are not. I want to be available if you have questions about a course or something else I offer and my auto-responder explains how to take next steps.

5. Be brief and kind when you respond.
Most emails can be answered with only a few sentences and brevity/getting right to the point demonstrates that you want to serve while valuing everyone’s time, including your own.

A handful of email requires a longer response. Those are typically the email messages that fall into the “respond later” pile. If a lengthy response is required, considered an audio message. It’s personal, saves time, and will allow you to get to the heart of the matter without worrying if you put the comma in the right place. It also eliminates the concern of “are they going to take this the right way?”

For more accessibility, you could include an audio recording and transcript.

6. Remove email from your phone.
There is only one way to know if you can live and work without email on your phone. Remove it. Try a 30-90 day window and see what it’s like. I removed email from my phone years ago and can think of fewer than 3 instances when it would have been convenient to have email on my phone. Now I never think about it. That means if I am away from my computer, I don’t check email. I don’t check it when I’m out to eat, in an airport, in the car, when I’m waiting or bored. It can wait.

7. Get sacred with your space.
While you can’t prevent 100% of the nonsense that arrives in your inbox, take responsibility for what you let in there. If you subscribed to a list or website that bombards you with sales offers or deals all day long, remember that you gave them permission (and you can take it back).

Instead of complaining about how annoying the offending company is, unsubscribe or filter out as much junk as you can to protect your inbox. If you make it a sacred space, you’ll think twice about signing up for something you aren’t really interested in. Make room for the good stuff by saying no to what doesn’t serve you or your work.

Stop email from ruining your mornings. Take back the power to pay attention to what matters to you first thing in the morning. Stop email from distracting you and take back focus and clarity. Stop email from having all the power and take back ease and joy too.

If you want to connect, create, and thrive, get out of your inbox and into your life.

If you overdid it recently or if you are overworked, overextended and just over it in general, this is not the time for guilt or wishing things were different. Instead, this is the time for a deep breath and a reset. It’s time to be gentle. Then, it’s time for action and change.

Use your feelings of frustration and discomfort of being over it to motivate a change. Make a change to encourage more health, peace and love in your life. Make a change and do what is best for you. Do not make a change to be a better person. You don’t need to be better, you simply need to shift what’s around you to soothe what’s within you.

10 Simple Ways To Change When You Are Over It

We’ve all reached that point of feeling “I’m over it.” or “Enough.” or “I need to take a nap for three weeks.” If you recognize one of your “over it” things below, consider how you can reset, come back to yourself and start again. If that requires a really long nap, instead of moving forward with the recommendations below, that’s ok too.

1. If you overspent, remember you can return that.

2. If you are overwhelmed the more.more.more of productivity culture, reject it.

3. If you over-drank/over-celebrated, consider a break.

4. If you are over never putting yourself first, be the priority of your own life.

5. If you are over your closet chaos, end it.

6. If you are over trying to simplify on your own, join us in The Simplicity Space.

7. If you are over all of the bad, breaking news, stop watching it.

8. If you are over saying yes when your heart says no, learn to say no.

9. If you are over social media and email, unplug and recharge.

10. If you are over being overwhelmed, remember this.

Before you move forward with any of these recommendations, ask yourself what you really need. Then do what’s best for you.

Have you ever overreacted? Did you ever kind of lose your mind about something that didn’t warrant a total melt down? I have.

My overreactions never helped. In fact, they always added fuel to the fire; more drama, stress, confusion and chaos. Not only didn’t they help the things I was reacting to, but my overreacting wore me out.

By overreacting, it was like experiencing the same thing twice. Once when it happened and again when I brought all of my outrage to the situation. With that, my heart felt double the weight of any circumstance.

Today, underreacting is my superpower.

I’m not suggesting you dismiss your feelings about something, but for the sake of your health, thoughtfully consider how you turn those feelings into action.

If you want to protect your heart, your sleep and the people around you, consider the following 5 thoughtful ways to underreact.

5 Thoughtful Ways To Underreact (Instead of Overreacting)

1. Don’t take things personally.
This one thing will almost always help you underreact. Before you make it all about you and create stories about how the situation you are dealing with is going to impact your life, stop. Tell a different story. Imagine that it has nothing to do with you, that it isn’t about you. Usually, it’s not.

2. Determine if an action or reaction from you is even appropriate. 
Most things don’t require (or deserve) your attention and energy. I have to remind myself this about 84 times a day. When you choose not to react at all to gossip, drama and controversy for the sake of controversy, you conserve your precious time and energy for what really matters.

Begin to notice how things unfold when you remove yourself. Without your struggle, control or attempt to fix something, how does it turn out? When you see that things have a way of working themselves out, you will feel more comfortable, relieved even to let go more often.

3. Do what you can, then let go.
Consider the best course of action, do what you can and then let go. Don’t insert yourself all the way through, every step of the way. You may have to come back and make adjustments but you don’t have to obsess and control and give everything up to handle most things (that’s overreacting).

4. Recognize what else is going on when you overreact.
Do you overreact out of habit or because you are one of the following:

• Hungry
• Hurt
• Tired
• Drunk
• Overwhelmed
• Sick
• Worried

All of those things are going to lower your ability to underreact. Take care of yourself so you are experiencing those things less or not at all.

5. Separate the outside from the inside.
There will always be outrageous, unfair, and upsetting things happening around you. When the world feels chaotic, remember that while much of it is outside of your control, what is in your control is you. Just because everything is chaotic around you, doesn’t mean things have to be chaotic within you.

Once you implement these suggestions, overreacting to things won’t resonate with you anymore. Underreacting will better serve your heart and the hearts around you. When you remove the over from your reacting, you can move more quickly towards a reasonable solution without wearing yourself out in the process.

Your heart will thank you.

When you think about what it means to live simply, the first thing that may come to mind is decluttering. I agree that decluttering is a great place to start. When you clear up what’s around you, it gives you more attention to work on what’s inside of you.

That doesn’t mean you have to be completely decluttered to make progress on some of the internal stuff. Working on your insides for awhile may even give you clarity on what you really want and need in your life and make it easier to let go of other stuff.

8 Powerful Reminders To Help You Live Simply

1.

It might be impossible to not care at all about what others think, but even caring a little less will give you room to consider what you want for your life. Then you can unapologetically do what is best for you.

2.

When I feel the need to control something or manage things better, I take a deep breath and check in with my heart.

Then I listen.

Then I trust.

99% of the time all of the things I want to manage or control are not mine to manage or control.

PS I often get caught up in the control/manage game before I remember to come back to myself. Will keep practicing. ❤️

Instagram Art: Lisa Olivera

3.

If you have trouble saying “no” or “no thanks” without explanation …

Practice by saying, “No thanks, I’ll be protecting my (time/energy/mental health/sleep/or whatever you are protecting) this weekend.” You are allowed to protect these things. You saying it out loud will not only reinforce your priorities to you, it may inspire someone else to honor their own priorities too.

4.

5.

6.

7.

I love this meditation. When you are scattered, anxious or unclear, sit quietly with these words.

The Loving Kindness Prayer

May you be free.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you be loved.

May you live with ease.

Say it for yourself. Say it for someone you love. Say it for someone you struggle to love. Say it for all beings. Repeat forever.

8.

What if you bottled up all of the energy and attention you spend proving that you are right and decided just to be real instead? That’s living simply.

You may not connect with all of these reminders, but if one resonates with you, write it down. The next time you are feeling like living simply is out of reach, revisit the words you wrote down and use them to help you create momentum and inspiration.

P.S. For more notes and quotes, and simple inspiration, join me on Instagram.

FOMO is the acronym for the fear of missing out and it isn’t just something that’s fun to say. It’s real.

We are struggling with the fear of missing out on activities, information, opportunities, connection, and many other things. We struggle to keep up, to catch up, to be included, noticed and loved, all in the name of FOMO.

You may have FOMO if you are doing any of the following …

• Saying yes when your heart says no
• Scrolling endlessly through Facebook and other social media feeds
• Constantly checking your phone
• Sleeping less
• Compromising self-care practices
• Rushing
• Choosing convenience over quality
• Wasting time feeling bad about what you missed
• Being exhausted for attempting to do it all

The only remedy for FOMO is to be present.

When you are truly present, there is no regret for the past, or fear of the future. When you are present, you notice everything and everyone around you; the big picture, the little pictures, and all the tiny details that contribute to the moments which make up the here and now … which make up your life.

And that’s just what happens on the outside. Your body, heart and soul change on the inside too when you give yourself permission to be fully alive and aware … to show up for your life. That’s presence.

5 ways to stay present and eliminate FOMO

1. Stop acting like everything is an emergency.
If you are living and/or working in a reactionary state, or under stressful conditions, you might be used to treating everything like an emergency. It’s not. Instead, choose to under-react, respond thoughtfully and leave the drama and stress out of it. The simple act of giving yourself room to breathe will bring you into the present. From there you can make your decisions based on fact, not fear.

2. Turn off your devices.
We say we keep our devices on in case someone needs to reach us or in case there is an emergency. And then we make everything an emergency (see #1). When our minds are on our phone notifications and the anticipation of new information coming across our devices, we simply cannot be present. We are scattered, distracted, and completely unaware of what matters now.

It’s then that we ignore the people we love most, make crappy decisions, and feel stress when we should feel peace. Find a way to make your devices add value to your life by setting limits. Experiment. Set limits and create your own experiment. Instead of “checking” all day long, scheduled two intentional sessions with your digital device a day (or less).

The distraction of a check in is not nearly as damaging as the time lost trying to come back to what you were doing. That recovery takes more time than you think (about 23 minutes) to be present again.

3. Say Hell Yeah
Derek Sivers’ approach to feeling like you are doing too much is this: “Those of you who often over-commit or feel too scattered may appreciate a new philosophy I’m trying: If I’m not saying “HELL YEAH!” about something, then say no.

Meaning: When deciding whether to commit to something, if I feel anything less than, “Wow! That would be amazing! Absolutely! Hell yeah!” – then my answer is no.

When you say no to most things, you leave room in your life to really throw yourself completely into that rare thing that makes you say “HELL YEAH!”

We’re all busy. We’ve all taken on too much. Saying yes to less is the way out.”

Good stuff right?

4. Bring recess back.
Remember recess? It was that free time after lunch at school. It was a time to play. When you were a little kid and went out to play, you didn’t worry about tomorrow or yesterday. You didn’t care how you looked, or what people thought of you. Instead you jumped in the puddles, rolled down the hill, and laughed until you cried.

If you want to be present, fold up your to-do list and go play. Take a walk, sing a song, paint a mural, hike up a mountain, or go jump in a puddle. Bring recess back and play your way.

5. Choose deep vs. wide.
Would you rather have just a taste of 100 things on your bucket list to say you accomplished them, or the opportunity to savor a few? Give into FOMO, go wide, and take a taste. Have a little bit of everything.

Or, choose a deep meaningful dive into something you care about. Choose a life-changing experience. Choose true love. Choose magic. Be more with less.

FOMO signals a lack of engagement. If you are worried about what you are missing, you cannot be present. Letting go of FOMO means abandoning the need to catch up, keep up, and measure up in exchange for a chance to connect and engage with what or who is right in front of you.

Experiment with these recommendations to stay present in your life and turn your FOMO into JOMO: the joy of missing out. Feel joy that you have a choice, joy that you are protecting what matters most, and joy that you are present because you are finally living.

Thousands have joined the Less Phone, More Life Challenge and what I’m learning is that less phone means more everything. People joining have been sharing not only why they want to spend less time on their phones but what they’d rather be doing instead.

Here’s what they have to to say … 

• I’d like to spend more time with my grandchildren.
• I want to read more.
• I’m sick of being distracted from doing real work.
• I want to take better care of my family.
• Must stop procrastinating.
• I hope to be more creative.
• I need to sleep better.
• We need to set a better example for our kids.
• I want to be more present.

There are many more responses, but even if this challenge only solves these problems, less phone means more everything.

When you are thinking of spending less time on your phone, focus on what you want more of, how you’d rather spend your time and how you want to feel.

Less Phone, More Life Challenge

This isn’t a no phone challenge, it’s a less phone challenge with a promise to reduce screen time by 25% or more. That means if you spend 4 hours a day on your phone, I’ll give you back one of them. If you spend 20 days a year on your phone, I’ll give you back 5 of them. Five. Full. Days.

Before you decide, consider how you’d spend an extra hour a day or an extra 5 days a year. Your numbers may be different and we’ll help you figure them out before we start the challenge. After five days, you’ll be using your phone and other digital devices more intentionally and less mindlessly.

On Wednesday, January 12, I’m hosting a Facebook Live at 3:00 PM Eastern here to tell you even more, answer your questions and invite you to join me for this fun, free five-day challenge. It’s even more fun with friends so invite them to take the challenge with you!

Sign up here and get your Prep Worksheet if you are ready to get started!

Decluttering your junk drawer is one thing but digital simplicity is another thing entirely. It’s more challenging to see because digital clutter comes from so many different directions.

Answer the following questions (honestly) to see if you could benefit from some digital simplicity.

Spending too much time on your phone?

Annoyed that a simple email check turned into hours of scrolling?

Tired of people asking you to put your phone down?

Concerned with how much harder it is to remember things or pay attention?

Want your life back?

If you nodded yes to one or more of the above, join me for the new digital simplicity challenge: Less Phone, More Life.

The biggest problem with spending more time on your phone is that you are spending less time in your life. It’s not just the time on your phone either but simply by being distracted by it and the time it takes to recover from the distraction.

Join me for 5-days and if you implement just one small action a day, I’ll promise you a drop in your screen time by at least 25%.

You could be losing meaningful minutes and moments to your screens and it’s time to get them back. Our phones and devices can connect us to some really good stuff. After all, they probably helped us meet! That said, with a more mindful approach we can harness the power of our digital connections while reducing or eliminating some of the digital connection side effects like tired eyes, lack of focus, too much sitting, apathy and more.

Excessive screen time can negatively impact our physical and mental health. Join the free 5-day challenge so you can reduce your screen time and feel better!

P.S. If you are wondering if you’ll be spending more time on your phone or other devices during this challenge the answer is no. While you will be accessing the content digitally, the strategies I’m sharing will dramatically reduce your screen time.

It’s time for a brand new year. Goodbye 2021, hello 2022.

What do you want more of in your new year?

What do you want less of in your new year?

While there are many things completely out of your control, so many things are. This is an invitation to be more with less, more of what you want with less of what you don’t want in your life anymore.

Maybe you don’t have a choice in some situations but you are entirely up to you in other situations. Those are the situations that really matter when you become intentional about how you want to live your life.

7 Ways To Be More With Less In The New Year

1. Be more with less clutter.
If you are ready to be clutter-free and let go of all that stuff that is standing between you and clarity, start anywhere. Empty a junk drawer or clear out your office.

Here’s how:

• Start with these 120 things or these 52 things.
• Get back to basics.
• Follow these rules.
• Dump your excuses.
• Become a minimalist.

2. Be more with less busyness.
Are you tired? Ready to do less?

Here’s how:

• Say no.
• Schedule more nothing.
• Learn how to relax.
• Reclaim your right to rest.

3. Be more with less stress and overwhelm.
Let’s face it, the last two years have been full of stress and overwhelm on top of our regular stress and overwhelm. It’s time to release the stress that is weighing you down.

Here’s how:

• Remember this.
• Get out of the worry trap.
• Try these advanced letting go practices.

4. Be more with less closet chaos.
Have you noticed that even though you have a closet full of clothes, you wear the same things over and over again? Do you have anything hanging in there with tags still attached.

Consider 3-months of a clutter-free, decision-free, chaos-free closet with Project 333.

5. Be more with less debt.
Are ready to become debt-free even though you know it will take some time to get there?

Here’s how:

• Use this 21-day guide to get started.
• Read this for extra motivation.

6. Be more with less alcohol.
I never thought going alcohol free would be part of my simplicity journey. It’s been almost three years, and I can honestly say that this change simplified my life more than any other change I made. If you are questioning your relationship with alcohol, quit or simply take a break.

Here’s how:

• Exactly how I did it (with resources)
• Get support.
• Read this and/or this.

7. Be more with less screen time.
Are ready to spend less time on your phone and other digital devices and more time living your life? Stay tuned because I have a really fun, free, 5-day challenge coming up for you next month. I’m sharing all the details next week and the challenge starts on January 17th.

So … which “less” will you choose? These may not all be interesting to you but explore the ones that are. Be thoughtful about the less and more you want in your life.

Be more with less in the new year and any time you want.

P.S. If you are ready for more support to be more with less, the Simplicity Space opens in late January. If you want to learn more, please sign up here.

These simple and essential holiday gifts have a few things in common. Only you can give them to yourself. You can’t buy these gifts and they are available to you year round.

And … even though they are just for you, they are gift to everyone around you too.

3 Simple and Essential Holiday Gifts Just For You

1. The Holiday Pause.
This is one of the most underutilized gifts of all. You have the ability to pause …

• before you respond to someone.
• when you are overwhelmed.
• before you add to cart.
• when you need a little peace.

Here’s how to use The Holiday Pause. Anytime you want, you can pause by taking a few deep breaths. You can pause by listening to your favorite song. You can pause by writing down all of the thoughts that are standing in the way of clarity. You can simply say to yourself and others, “I am going to take a moment.”

For more inspiration to pause, see this/this/and this.

2. The Holiday Slow.
If this is the time of year when you typically kick it into high gear, even though you barely have any more gears left, use the gift of The Holiday Slow to dial it back. Embrace this gift of slowing down. Reject the rush to get it all done and make it all perfect. Refuse to compromise your wellness for one more minute by pushing yourself beyond your own healthy limits.

For more inspiration to slow, see this/this/and this.

3. The Holiday No. 
Use this gift of The Holiday No to say “No Thank You” to anything you aren’t interested in, don’t have time for and feel uncomfortable committing to. Instead of making up a story or giving a long winded explanation about why you can’t, simply say, “No thanks, I’ll be protecting my (time/energy/mental health/sleep/or whatever you are protecting) this weekend.”

You are allowed to protect these things. You saying it out loud will not only reinforce your priorities to you, it may inspire someone else to honor their own priorities too.

For more inspiration to no, see this/this/and this.

As you may have figured out, these gifts aren’t just for the holidays and stressful times. They are for your everyday enjoyment. Keep them in your pocket, your wallet and close to your heart so they are always near by.

Last month, I took 8 glorious days away from most of the internet. No social media, email, or browsing around. Each day felt longer and I was more present and aware of my surroundings. It was delightful.

If it’s been awhile since you closed your computer and ditched your phone or other digital devices for an extended period of time, consider a digital sabbatical.

Commit to unplugging for 24-48 hours. Call it a sabbatical, digital detox, or a Sabbath. Wayne Muller, the author of Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives points out that while Sabbath may be a holy day for some, it can be anything that provides a visceral experience of life-giving nourishment and rest. He suggests that Sabbath time can be a refuge from our modern life which is designed to seduce our attention.

Between hundreds of TV channels, calendar alerts, email, billboards and other cries for our attention, it’s no wonder that we often feel overwhelmed with day-to-day life, and then some sense of guilt for wanting to retreat.

The first few hours of your sabbatical might be challenging. You might feel the urge to check your email or see what’s happening on Facebook, but once you start connecting with everything around you, you’ll forget that you are disconnected.

5 ways to unplug and recharge

These steps will help you prepare for your digital sabbatical.

1. Tell your family.
Ask friends and family to unplug with you. If they don’t want to, ask them to support your digital sabbatical. Let them know what to expect and better ways to connect with you.

2. Hide your devices.
If your computers and phones are usually charging in your living room or bedroom, place them in a box or closet so that it isn’t easy to take a quick look or check in.

3. Go analog.
Pen on paper will provide the visceral experience that you sometimes miss typing and scrolling. Write about your experience and how you feel while you are unplugged. Notice how those feelings change from hour 1 to hour 24 or 48. Digital may be convenient but analog is delightful.

4. Let it wait.
The internet will be there when you get back. When you think about the things that have to get done, ask yourself what will really happen if they don’t get done right away. If you wait one day, what is the worst thing that will happen? If the worst isn’t as bad as you thought, let it wait. When you do come back, address the necessary and put an end to the endless game of catching up.

5. Customize your experience.
Try to get completely disconnected for your digital sabbatical. That said, if there is something standing in your way, customize your experience. For instance, if you want to stay connected to your family through FaceTime, make an exception. Or, if you have a time sensitive email coming through, allow a 15-minute check for that email only.

What to do on your digital sabbatical.

• Read a book. Unplugging creates all kinds of time to read.
• Try a new recipe. Make something that requires your full attention. Here’s a great playlist for your culinary adventure.
• Take a long walk. Not for exercise, just to see what you can see, to think what you can think and to be who you can be. Take that kind of walk.
• Light candles. The phones and computers are gone, why not the lights?
• Write a love letter. Mail it or don’t but put your feelings on paper. Be ooey-gooey and lovey-dovey or short, simple and direct with your words. Write to your lover or a friend, parent, child, local business owner, neighbor or someone you don’t even know. Tell them what you love about them and how they make your life better.
• Take a nap. Lay down and close your eyes in the middle of the day. Yes, that’s a thing. Try it, you’ll like it. If you struggle to rest, this will help.
• Take care. Bump up your investment in self-care. Do the things that make you feel good and consider these unconventional ways to take better care of yourself.
• Nothing. You are more than welcome to ignore all of these suggestions and do nothing at all.

You might not think you have time to do any of these things, but without the day-to-day distraction from all things digital, you’ll be surprised at how much time opens up. Use it in a way that refreshes your soul, feeds your body, and quiets your mind.

After your digital sabbatical, ease back in and set limits for the first week back. If you usually check your email before you get out of bed, wait until you’ve had breakfast before checking in. Make small shifts and re-engage more intentionally. If you enjoy your digital sabbatical, make it a weekly event.

By disconnecting, you’ll feel more connected. Don’t worry, you won’t miss a thing.

The most magical time of year can also be the most stressful time of year. It’s not that way for everyone or every year but most of us could benefit from some holiday stress relief.

If any of the following things stress you out this time of year, holiday stress relief is on the way. You will probably discover that you can apply what you learn now to everyday stress too..

• family
• health
• wardrobe
• food/drink
• gift giving

Holiday Stress Relief: 5 ways to feel calm on the inside when it’s chaotic on the outside

1. If people are stressing you out.
Create a mantra. I start with, “Everyone is doing their best.” From the grocery store to the dinner table, not everyone is going to arrive with the same amount of grace, presence, humor or awareness that you might be looking for. Because you can’t fix other people, the problem is not how they show up but that they show up differently than you expect or desire. When you notice that your expectations are frustrating you, silently repeat your mantra, “They are doing their best.” If that doesn’t work, use author, Elizabeth Lesser’s Mantra, “Do no harm, take no shit.”

2. If your health is stressing you out.
Prioritize self-care. If your stress is causing you to feel rundown or you are stressed because you anticipate feeling tired or overwhelmed, stop. Prioritize self-care and let a few things go. Here are 25 simple ways to take care during the holidays and here are 8 unconventional ways to take better care.

3. If getting dressed is stressing you out.
After 2020, you might not be ready to dress up again or maybe there are a lot of things in your closet that you never wear. Instead of buying new things, dress with less. Eliminate decision fatigue and frustration by assigning 1-3 “going out” outfits and put them on repeat through the end of the year. Then, consider minimalist fashion challenge Project 333 for the new year to really get a handle on your closet chaos.

4. If your relationship with food/drink is stressing you out.

• Listen to this.
• Read this.
• Remember this:  This holiday season (and always), when you notice someone isn’t eating or drinking what you eat and drink, or what you think they should eat or drink, instead of pushing (come on, just try it) or asking for an explanation (Why aren’t you drinking? Just a sip for the toast? Are you pregnant?), just let them be, love them and enjoy spending time with them. And then repeat forever. ❤️

5. If gift giving is stressing you out. 
You can change your gift giving traditions anytime. Here’s how.

Option A: If you would prefer to opt-out all together, do it. Start with 1:1 conversations with people you usually exchange gifts with. You’ll likely be pleasantly surprised that most want to opt out too.

Option B: Focus on experiences over things. Take a holiday walk together instead of exchanging gifts. Bake with or for each other. Donate to each other’s favorite charities.

Option C: Send 31 Days of Gifts You So Deserve to everyone on your list. They’ll be delighted every day in December and it will be the easiest, fastest, least expensive and most meaningful gift you can give to yourself and share with friends, family, co-workers, book clubs and anyone you think of.

One word that often comes to mind when thinking about the holidays is more. There is more giving, more getting, more doing, spending, falling behind, catching up, and getting run down.

Thankfully, there is also more opportunity for comfort and joy (but only if we make room for it). Take time now to do some intentional decluttering, so the more of the holidays doesn’t turn into too much.

Use this holiday decluttering guide to make room for more peace, love, light, comfort and joy during the holidays and anytime at all.

The Holiday Decluttering Guide

Declutter your home.
A pre-holiday sweep will make room for holiday decor, winter boots, and other seasonal stuff. Put the ornaments and other holiday stuff you decorate with through a decluttering filter too. Just because you’ve saved something for decades doesn’t mean you are obligated to keep it forever. If you aren’t displaying it, or don’t like it, donate it. If you want more decluttering direction try this:

• Declutter these 52 things from your life today.
• 20 Ways to Declutter for the Holidays

Declutter your schedule.
How do you really want to spend the holiday season? If silent nights sound more inviting than party hopping, be socially selective. You aren’t required to say yes to every invitation. Look at your regular calendar too. Build in time to take care of yourself, and don’t over-schedule. Leave room for holiday magic. Built in margin in November and December = magic.

Declutter your heart.
The holidays can trigger heavy hearts, and put a spotlight on struggling relationships. If your heart already feels heavy, seek ways to lighten it up. Journaling, daily walks, meditating, engaging in difficult conversations and working with a therapist may all be part of the treatment plan.

My dear friend and Mind-Body Therapist, Rachel Shanken recommends the following exercise to feed your heart a little light:

Set a timer for 3 minutes. Sit tall. Close your eyes and bring your hands to your heart. Start by noticing the sensation of your hands against your chest. Take a big breath right into the spot underneath where your hands are, feeling the breath inflate your chest. As you continue to breathe, visualize a warm white light surrounding your heart and radiating out into your hands. With each inhale imagine the soft white light expanding around your heart and shining throughout your whole chest. With each exhale visualize that same soft light radiating from your heart back into your hands. When the timer rings, notice what has shifted inside you. 

You’ll also love Rachel’s 15 Body-Mind Fast Facts, Fixes,and Tricks to make your life better. Some take less than 3 minutes.

Declutter your mind.
If your mind starts to spin with visions of sugar plums and all the things you have to make, bake, ship, buy, and do, take a big deep breath. A consistent mindfulness practice will help you put things in perspective.

Create a daily practice of writing down all of the things spinning around up there and then sitting quietly for a few moments. The writing/meditation combination will help you rid your mind of clutter.

Declutter your money.
There is so much pressure to overspend during the holidays but resist. Don’t give out of obligation, comparison, or fear about what people will think. Respect your budget when you give and spend over the holidays and beyond.

Declutter your digital life.
Set some boundaries around your digital engagement. If you check email and social media every day, try every other day. Assign digital-free zones in your home and on your calendar.

To further resist digital overwhelm, set some parameters for yourself and consider going internet-lite for the holidays.

Declutter your traditions and obligations.
Hold onto the traditions that warm your heart and let go of the others, especially the ones you resent or find exhausting. Just ask yourself, “Does this fill my heart or empty it?” Give yourself permission to engage in the holidays in ways that fill your heart and soul.

Declutter the stress.
Just because everything is chaotic around you, doesn’t mean everything has to be chaotic within you. One quote that often reminds me of this truth is from Pema Chödrön, “You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.” Commit to just a few of these 30 simple ways to take care of yourself over the holidays. Take care of yourself. It’s the best gift you can give yourself and everyone you love.

P.S. If you want to declutter gift giving this year, 31 Days of Gifts is something fun, different and memorable for almost everyone on your list. It’s affordable, meaningful and there won’t be any clutter or shipping delays. Learn more here. 

Announcing 31 Days of Gifts You So Deserve has been my cue to kick off the holiday season for the last nine years. It’s become something I look forward to every year and based on the emails I start receiving in July, I know many of you do too.

What is 31 Days of Gifts?

31 Days of Gifts You So Deserve is like an advent calendar in your inbox. You’ll receive meaningful, magical gifts throughout the month of December. These gifts will encourage you to embrace the holidays with joy and intention. They will also help you move into the new year with an open heart.

Every day throughout December, you’ll receive a gift in your inbox. At the end of each email, you’ll find links to the gifts that came before. If you join after we get started, miss a gift, or want to revisit one of your favorite gifts, this list makes it easy to go back.

A beautiful tradition.

For many in the Be More with Less community (myself included), 31 Days of Gifts You So Deserve has become a holiday tradition. I love how you embrace the daily gifts and invite friends, family, and co-workers.

If you haven’t participated before, you might be interested in hearing what participants have to say about the program.

I just wanted you to know that this was one of my HIGHLIGHTS of December!  – Julie

A friend signed me up for these gifts and I enjoyed opening each one. Thank you for your thought-provoking words. They will stay with me throughout the year. – Randi

I so appreciated the 31 days of gifts in my inbox during the hectic beautiful and magical month of December. I listened to your stories, danced and sang to your playlists, tried a recipe or two and spent time just thinking about what you wrote each day. – Loretta

Thank you so much for these wonderful 31 Days of Gifts!  I’m finding myself looking first for your emails every morning. They are helping me to focus, and feel a little less frantic, and to enjoy the holidays. Thank you for a bright start to each day, and a few quiet moments. – Joyce

Why Join 31 Days (plus a free sampling of gifts)

This program is a reminder that the best things don’t come from the mall or in perfectly wrapped packages. If we want to experience the very best gifts, we have to give ourselves time to pay attention to them even in the midst of uncertainty and navigating the holidays in a new way.

Each year, more and more people send 31 Days of Gifts to friends, family, and co-workers. We’ve had book clubs, corporate offices, community groups, churches and families spanning the globe participate together. That is just one of the many reasons this program is so dear to my heart.

Gifts of holidays past have included …

• holiday playlists
• sweets
• breakfast in bed
• patience

As you may have guessed these gifts are not physical objects because we all know the best things aren’t things. Click here to sample a few gifts to see what I mean. This year will include favorites from the last few years + new gifts to help you create new holiday memories and be present for holiday magic.

You deserve the gift of discovering what’s most meaningful to you over the holidays. You deserve a few quiet moments to yourself. You deserve to give yourself permission to make room for the best things … instead of trying to make room for all the things.

Pay what you want …

For the last nine years, this program has been offered for $3.10 (ten cents a day), but it is worth so much more. As more people participate, I invest more time and money to make these gifts available and meaningful. If you’ve participated before, you understand the value of the program, but I also know that for some, $3.10 is barely in the holiday budget.

Each year I consider raising the price, but instead, I’ll continue to leave it up to you. Please pay what you want so everyone can continue to enjoy the gifts they so deserve with a small investment.

How to join and send gifts …

1. click the image below or use this link.
2. complete the form with your name, email and whether you’d like to gift 31 days to friends or family
3. if you select “yes” for gifting, you’ll be prompted to add how many gift recipients and their email addresses. We will add them to the 31 Days mailing list.
4. edit the price to what you want to pay (minimum $3.10 per name, including yourself).
5. Complete the purchase by choosing your payment method.
6. After you complete your purchase, you can download the welcome letter and then check your inbox for an email with more information about receiving your gifts.

Questions

Q: When do I receive my first gift?
December 1st or the day after you sign up in December. If you join later in December, you’ll find all prior gifts listed in your first email. You won’t miss a thing!

Q: How will my gift recipients know I sent them this as a gift?
Once you purchase, you’ll receive a gift letter to share with them. It’s really important to let them know to expect emails from support@bemorewithless.com or they may think it is junk mail.

Q: Is there a deadline to join?
I recommend joining as soon as possible so you can start receiving gifts on December 1st, but you can register anytime thru December and still have access to all 31 gifts.

Q: How do I access gifts I missed?
All the gifts are listed in each email with links so you can go back to gifts you missed or ones you want to revisit.

Q: Can I join from anywhere?
Yes! If you have an email address, we’ll send you gifts.

Q: Do I need special login information or a password?
No. Everything will be delivered via email.

Q. It’s December and I didn’t receive my first gift yet. Where is it?
Please check your promotions folder or spam folder. If you still don’t have it, please email support@bemorewithless.com

Q. How do I make sure my gift recipients get their email?
Let them know what to expect in advance. We’ll be sending you a gift message PDF that you can forward and we highly recommend you have a conversation to tell them it’s coming. Give them the chance to be excited about looking for their gifts each day.

Q: This isn’t a question, but I need help!
Great, We are happy to help! Please support@bemorewithless.com.

Enjoy these daily doses of delight throughout December. Gentle reminders and joyful recommendations will guide you through the month with wonder and simplicity.

P.S. I can’t believe this is the 10th year of 31 days!! Thank you so much for participating, gifting, sharing and enjoying these gifts.

This holiday season we may be feeling a little weary, a little concerned, a little excited, relieved, anxious, sad, happy … whew, all the feelings. No matter how you feel about the upcoming holiday season, consider this article an invitation to take extra good care of yourself over the next few months.

Self care during the holidays will help you feel better and more relaxed through a more challenging time and perhaps inspire new habits and interest in putting yourself first in the new year and onward.

25 Simple Ways to Take Care of Yourself Over the Holidays

1. morning routine
If every day, you make a little time for yourself first thing, you can move through your day with more grace and intention. Your morning routine might only be 5 minutes long to start, but even that will help. Use the time to sit quietly with a cup of tea, meditate, journal, walk, or include other activities that feed your body, mind, heart, and soul.

2. candlelight
listen to music with candles burning or just sitting quietly in candlelight. As the days get darker, add light to your day.

3. 31 Days of Gifts You So Deserve
Yes, it’s coming back. I’ll be making an announcement soon for 31 Days of Gifts you so Deserve. This daily email program will help you engage in the best parts of this magical time of year.

4. take a walk
Go outside and take a walk. Bundle up if it’s cold and head out with the intention of noticing the magic. Don’t worry about burning calories or tracking steps, just enjoy yourself.

5. respect your budget
Once you figure out what you can spend on extras like holiday gifts, events, and other holiday things, honor that. If you splurge now, you pay even more later. And later comes sooner than you think.

6. opt-out
When/if you are buying gifts, decline to leave your email address with a merchant. If shopping online, check out as a guest and don’t accidentally subscribe to email lists. They make it really easy for you to opt-in, but you’ll save the stress of future sales and shopping promos arriving daily in your inbox by opting out.

7. one in, one out
Stay clutter-free, or at the very least, avoid adding to your clutter by sticking with a one in, one out rule. For each thing that comes in, another goes out. Apply this rule to gifts, clothing, events and decorations.

8. be unconventional
Bubble baths and massages are nice but that’s not the only way to do self-care. Try one or more of these 8 unconventional ways to take better care of yourself.

9. say no
Here’s how.

10. only decorate with your favorite things
If you’ve been accumulating holiday decor for years, or decades, chances are your most meaningful, favorite things don’t get a chance to stand out. Start by only decorating with your favorite things instead of all the things. If that resonates with you, box up the rest or donate it if you love the simpler holiday wonderland you create.

11. under-schedule
Cancel some of your planned activities and make room for holiday magic to unfold.

12. nap
Give your body and brain a chance to recharge on those go-go-go holiday marathon days. Even 20 minutes will make a big difference.

13. read an actual book
Close your computer and other digital devices and curl up with a good book. Instead of reading something for self-improvement or work, read something for your heart.

14. laugh
Call or spend time with the person that makes you laugh harder than anyone else. Then laugh until you cry.

15. write
Emotions can run high during the holidays, but much of what goes through our heads never needs to be said out-loud. Instead, write it down. Write down how you are feeling, and what makes you happy, sad, angry, or frustrated. Putting it on paper gives you a chance to clear your mind and move through your day with less bottled up stress.

16. regift
Finding the perfect gift is often stressful and expensive. Instead, find a meaningful gift. Give a friend your favorite book and write something to them on the inside cover. Give someone a beautiful vase you never use full of flowers, or look for other things you can pass on with love.

17. go internet-lite
If you aren’t sure how hyper-connectivity is affecting your life, try to remember the last conversation you had that wasn’t interrupted by a ding or a ring. Or, look around any restaurant, grocery store, or waiting room and see what percentage of people are looking into a screen. If you want to scale back, check out this guide to internet-lite holidays.

18. make a love list
Here’s how.

19. be grateful
Directing more of our attention towards gratitude for the things that make our lives wonderful is scientifically proven to make us healthier, more energetic, less stressed and anxious, and help us get better sleep.

20. give
There are so many opportunities to give and so many people and organizations in need. Pick something close to your heart and give the way you want to give instead of how you think you are supposed to give.

21. make something
Be creative. Write a poem, start a book, get out the finger paints and a big piece of paper, and express yourself. Make. Create. Enjoy the process with no expectations.

22. breathe
Frustrated? Breathe in. Breathe out. Worried? Breathe in. Breathe out. Overwhelmed? Breathe in. Breathe out. Confused? Breathe in. Breathe out. Exhausted? Breathe in. Breathe out. Start there and you can often avoid over-thinking and over-reacting.

23. let go
There are benefits to moving through life, work, and relationships with a softer step, a gentler look, and a lighter heart. If you want to be light, you have to let go.

24. full stop
If you’ve already overdone it, consider a full stop. Sometimes backing off isn’t enough. Take a whole day to yourself and vow to do nothing more than take care of yourself all day long.

25. be love
Instead of working so hard to people please, get it all done or control the world, just be love today.

Take care of yourself over the holidays. It’s the best gift you can give yourself and everyone you love.

When changing your life for less stress and more peace, rules can provide structure.

Rules can also feel restrictive and we love to rebel against a self-imposed restrictive rule (or at least I do). That’s way I like lifestyle rules that are gentle, flexible and supportive rather than punitive.

I like rules that help me simplify my life and rules that make me feel good.

My gentle rules have changed over the years, here are the five that are helping me reduce stress and enjoy more peace (a.k.a. feel good) lately.

5 Gentle Rules To Help You Feel Good

1. Move everyday. 
This rule used to be more detailed including how many steps to walk etc. Now it’s a more gentle and inviting rule. Moving my body with a walk and stretching every day feels good in my body and my heart. It helps me release stress I’m holding on to and allows me to be more flexible when I am working through something stressful. We can’t always walk away from stress but we can walk and move through it.

Difficult conversations are often easier when done on the trail or out for a walk. There’s more room to pause and breathe when you are moving vs. sitting still.

2. Prioritize rest and sleep. 
This is how I do it.

3. Be less connected to feel more connected. 
Disconnecting from the internet and my devices is becoming more and more important to me. I’m better connected to my heart and the hearts around me when I disconnect for a full day a week and several times a day.

4. Be thoughtful about when and how to engage.
Most things don’t require a response and if I reflect on arguments or debates that I’ve had with people I know or strangers on the internet, hardly any of them were productive. I can be curious without being combative. I can love people I don’t agree with. I do not need to engage to prove that or anything at all.

5. Live without clutter, debt and alcohol.
These are three things many of us grow up with or around and never consider what life would look like without them. 15 years ago, I thought I’d always live with clutter and debt. A few years ago, I thought alcohol would always be a part of my life. Now, I’m clutter-free, debt-free and alcohol-free and that makes my life simpler, happier and healthier. Because I let them go, I live with less stress and more peace (even during stressful events).

It took years from the first time I got curious about letting those things go to being free of them completely.

This rule might feel less gentle but because I’m reminded daily about how much better my life is without these things, it’s the easiest to uphold.

How to keep the rules gentle

If you want to incorporate some of these rules or others, keep them gentle by adding them to your life one a time. Once you pick one, consider how to make it gentler and smaller. Perhaps you only honor this rule one day a week to start. Maybe you invite a friend to experiment with the rule for 30 days.

Mostly, the purpose behind these gentle rules is to build some flexible structure for yourself to clear stress, build resilience, enjoy more peace and simplify your life. Set rules and modify them to help you feel good. You deserve to feel good.

P.S. Learn more about The Simplicity Space here and join the waitlist if you’d like to work more closely with me on creating your own gentle rules. Doors open soon!

Dealing with unsolicited advice is something we all struggle with at one time or another. 

I recently asked for your feedback on a survey about boundaries and saying no. One of the questions I asked was, “What do you tolerate on a regular basis because you think you are supposed to?” One answer that came up again and again was, “dealing with unsolicited advice” about a variety of topics; what I eat, how I parent, my work, what I’m wearing, how I look, what I do with money and more!

So here is my advice on unsolicited advice.

Dealing With Unsolicited Advice: 10 fascinating things to consider before giving or receiving advice

1. You don’t have to be so helpful.
Anne Lamott says, “Our help is usually not very helpful. Our help is often toxic. And help is the sunny side of control. Stop helping so much. Don’t get your help and goodness all over everybody.” Oh, ouch! Help is the sunny side of control?!

I’ll admit, I often think of my advice as “being helpful” which is why seeing it through Anne Lamott’s eyes is so powerful. It makes me wonder, do I want to help or do I want to control the situation. What about you … helpful or controlling?

2. Ask first
Ask yourself, “Does this person want my advice?” If you aren’t sure, ask them. “Is it ok if I tell you what I think?” or “Do you want my advice?” If they say no, believe them.

3. Tell first.
When you are talking to your people about something, be clear about what you’d like in response. If you don’t want advice, say, “I’d like to share this with you and I am not looking for advice.” or “I don’t want advice or feedback but instead I just want to say this out loud. I want to vent.” And then just to be really clear ask, “Is that ok with you?”

In some cases you may be actually looking for advice and you can ask for it.

4. Stay in your business.
This goodness from Byron Katie always reels me in, “There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s.

• Whose business is it if an earthquake happens? God’s business.
• Whose business is it if your neighbor down the street has an ugly lawn? Your neighbor’s business.
• Whose business is it if you are angry at your neighbor down the street because he has an ugly lawn? Your business.

Life is simple—it is internal.

Count, in five minute intervals, how many times you are in someone else’s business mentally. Notice when you give uninvited advice or offer your opinion about something (aloud or silently).

Ask yourself: “Am I in their business? Did they ask me for my advice?” And more importantly, “Can I take the advice I am offering and apply it to my life?”

I am constantly asking myself, “Is this my business?” 9 out of 10 times, it’s not. Next, I consider the advice I had ready to go and see if I can apply it to my own life.

5. Consider past exchanges.
Has my advice been well received in this relationship in the past? If your advice has been routinely dismissed or debated, stop offering it. Instead ask, “How can I help?” or just listen. Not everything requires a response.

6. Don’t be mistreated.
When advice crosses the line to commenting on your clothing, body, or other things that are completely inappropriate, speak it. “That’s inappropriate.” One of my favorite quotes is from Elizabeth Lesser. She so eloquently says, “Do no harm, take no shit.”

7. Let it go.
Once you give your advice (with permission), let it go. You’ve given it to someone else and it’s up to them to decide what to do with it. It’s kind of like writing a book. You can’t tell people how to read it, when to read it or even to read it at all. You don’t get to control how other people receive your words.

When you receive advice, if it doesn’t resonate, let it go. If you feel pressured to act or follow through, you aren’t dealing with advice, you are dealing with expectations. You don’t have to deal with those at all.

8. Re-frame your advice.
When giving it … Instead of telling others what they should do, remind them that this is what has been helpful for you or how you imagine you would move forward in their situation. Reinforce self trust, “You know what’s best for you.”

When receiving it … When you are blindsided with unsolicited advice that isn’t welcome or helpful, simply say, “Thank you for the thoughtful feedback.” Then see #7.

9. Don’t take advice too seriously.
When I’m considering advice, especially unsolicited advice. I do a quick scan and ask the following questions,

Is this person qualified to offer this advice? For instance, If someone is offering me medical advice and they are not a medical professional, I’ll say thank you and do my own research.

Why am I so resistant to or bothered by this advice? Often, it’s because the advice isn’t helpful but sometimes it’s because it’s something I really need to hear and really do not want to hear.

Even though I don’t love it all, is there a bit of goodness here? In other words, don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. (P.S. That’s a terrible saying but perfectly illustrates what I’m going for here.)

10. Trust yourself.
Before you seek advice, check in with yourself. Take good care and check in again. After you get advice, check in again. Put your hands on your heart, breathe and ask, “what’s best for me?” Trust the answer.

The fascinating part of these 10 things is that the next time, before unsolicited advice is coming out of our mouths or when it is pouring into our ears, we can think about it differently and might not have to be dealing with unsolicited advice at all. It’s fascinating that in many situations, by changing our thoughts, we can change our experience.

I’m offering you advice on advice. The irony is not lost on me. I’m learning with you. I love you. I love us.

Do you get frustrated when you can’t figure it all out?

Am I the only one who doesn’t have the next decade, next year, or even the next week perfectly planned out? Since 2020, it seems like everything is more of a mystery than ever.

The uncertainty can be unnerving. It makes us want to plan, find order … figure it all out. Cue middle of the night mind spinning sessions as if we can think ourselves into certainty.

Even though we are all going through it, sometimes it feels like everyone else has it all together. If you are like me and don’t have it all figured out, please remember these three things.

3 reminders if you don’t have it all figured out

1. You are not alone. Don’t assume (especially based on social media) that your friends have it all figured out. You are only getting a glimpse of their reality. We all do our best to share our best, but the truth is … we are all trying to figure out how to be a human and how to make a good life. It’s not always as pretty as it looks.
2. Busyness doesn’t equal control. Filling our calendars and planners gives us an illusion of control which feels good (even when overwhelming). It’s only an illusion though. Big plan or no plan, things may not turn out the way you thought. Don’t measure the success of something just on the results or how they matched up to your plan or goal. P.S. You can’t escape uncertainty and discomfort by being really busy. Been there, tried that.
3. You probably have more figured out than you think. When you think you have no idea what you are doing, make a list of what you do know. Write down what’s happening now, or what happened recently even though you didn’t have it all figured out.

In the moments that feel scary and uncertain, remind yourself things are unfolding and that worry and overthinking won’t change a thing. Give the pieces time to reveal themselves, and then take the time you need to put them together. When you feel overwhelmed by it all, just do this.

Have you ever started a big closet clean out, started to pay down your debt or tried to simplify your life in other ways only to lose motivation midway through?

Maybe you stopped because you didn’t have a strong support system, or it felt too hard to continue, or life happened.

The thing about simplicity is that it isn’t always easy, especially in the beginning. In most cases, it doesn’t happen overnight either so figuring out ways to maintain motivation is essential.