When I started to intentionally live more simply, one of the first changes I made was shutting my phone off in the car. As a very busy woman with a very busy job, I thought I had to be connected all the time… and I was. I would pick my daughter up from school, still on calls or checking email. While she was telling me about her day, I was nodding and half listening while I played back voicemail and thought about what I had to do next. When I started to simplify my life and think about all the things that complicate it, the cell phone was at the top of the list.
I finally realized that while I was worrying about clients and sales goals, I was missing out on the most important part of my life… my daughter. She was sharing things with me and I couldn’t remember half of what she said by the time we got home.
Technology makes us ultra-available, but we have the choice to power down, turn off, and silence the demands on our time. The best place to start is with that little box you toss in your purse, strap to your belt or slide in your pocket. This is a plea for phone free zones. A plea for my safety and your peace of mind.
Phone Free Zones
Cars
If you only choose one place to stop using your phone, make it your car. I know you are a good driver. I know you think you can do everything at once, but there are dead and injured people out there that prove otherwise. The most important thing you can do in your car is drive. If you’ve ever been on a call while driving and arrived at your destination not remember a thing that you passed, or that happened on the way, you know it’s time for a change.
Don’t turn your phone to vibrate, turn it off and throw it in the backseat. If someone calls you with urgent information, they will leave a message. I have tried to do this halfway, promising not to use my phone in the car, but as soon as I hear it ring, I’m distracted. It’s unfair to me, my passengers and other drivers.
Cross walks
You may be able to walk and talk at the same time, but it is impossible to walk with purpose while you are on your phone. Those white lines may protect you legally from oncoming traffic, but they aren’t actual barriers. You have to pay attention to traffic even when you have permission to cross.
Restaurants
Friends don’t let friends talk on cell phones while dining out. When you answer a call while dining with friends, you are sending this message, “The person I am talking to on the phone is more important to me than you.”
If you are so busy that you can’t enjoy dinner with friends, don’t go. If you have a small child at home or a pending emergency, put your phone on vibrate and excuse yourself from the table if you need to take the call. note: confirming your next haircut is not an emergency.
If shutting down phones is new to your circle of friends, make it fun. Agree that the first person with a ringing phone at the table pays for dinner.
Grocery Stores
I don’t mind waiting in line, but I don’t want to wait longer because you can’t talk on the phone and pay for your groceries at the same time. When you are on your phone at the store or during any transaction, you are saying this to the person helping you and everyone waiting behind you. “I don’t value your time”.
Bed
Only 2 things should be happening in your bed, and phone calls aren’t one of them.
Movie Theatres
No explanation needed.
Bathrooms
This is mostly for your own health, and because it’s really gross.
A few notes:
- An earpiece or any other hands free device still requires your attention and distracts you from the task at hand.
- Any place I suggest not talking on the phone goes double for texting or any other use of your phone.
- You know what constitutes an emergency.
- Please eliminate iPads, computers, pagers and other distractions from your phone free zones.
- If you are reading this post on your phone while driving, please don’t leave a comment until you get home.
If you felt uncomfortable reading this post, you know what to do next. I didn’t realize how addicted to my phone I was until I stopped using it in the car. If you are rolling your eyes and thinking that “the car is the only place I have time to talk” or “I don’t have a problem” remember that like any addiction, denial is the first sign.
When you stop using your phone in the car, during social events and while generally living your life, you will start to relax, engage and realize what you’ve been missing, and it’s not a phone call.
Where will you declare a phone free zone?
thanks for the reminders, I wish more people would be polite about cell phone use. One of my highlights of my day is my commute to work – on my bicycle. Probably a portion of the pleasure is being phone free for a half hour while I ride.
I absolutely agree with Frugalapolis. On a normal day I’m on my bike for about an hour, my cell is in my bag and I don’t hear it. Period. No stopping to answer a call or a message. And it’s always off when I’m at the library or a bookstore or even just sitting in a cafe or park with a book. That’s off-time. (Plus all the ‘obvious’ occasions. And here in Germany it’s illegal to use your phone while driving. Even if it’s just your bike.)
Amen to all of this!
Thanks you for this post. I have had a couple of real disagreements with people texting while I am riding with them. They are taking my life in their hands and that is not okay. You have a much kinder way of stating the uncool factor here and I will be passing it along. Thanks again!
Thank you, thank you! I choose not to own a cell phone and I wish other people would too. People think cell phones keep you in touch but I have to disagree and your suggestions are excellent examples of my point. (true emergencies are a whole other topic)
I am working very hard to put the phone away during family time (turning it off will be a bigger challenge). For me, it’s all about manners. Be respectful of others around you. When people talk loudly on their phone in a public place, it is distracting and somewhat awkward. I don’t want to listen to your conversation while I am trying to have my own. Too many of us rely too much on these little devices. Thank you for a great post!
I’m already phone free in all those zones! Of course I remember party lines and pay phones, so I know that people managed without instant gratification on whatever it is they’re calling about. We don’t even answer the phone if we’re watching a movie at home — of course we check to make sure it’s not an elderly parent first. 🙂
Nothing beats the annoying obnoxious ring tone of a cell phone prior to a soloist or choir singing a favorite song like “Silent Night” at a Christmas eve church service.
Cell phones have their place for sure and have changed the way we do things on a social and business level, most of the time in a positive manner. However,I will be the 1st to admit that instead of relaxing in a airport or a cab while traveling for my job I can bang on that Refresh button and work extra hard keeping up on a never ending supply of emails, etc.. that could have waited until later to be read.
Okay, just one more….. When riding the chairlift with me and my wife on a fresh powder dump day in the Wasatch under a bluebird, sunny sky, Do Not answer your phone ! It’s annoying. Enjoy the serenity instead.
I am another oddity here, 30 with no cell phone. Actually not true, a pay as you go for emergencies kept in the car. I really wish people could try life without it. There have been about 2 times that I wish I had one when I could not find someone or needed directions. Killing time is not what phones are for and it makes me sad to see so many missing out on real life instead trading it for digital life. Another place to add to the list would be parents with their kids at playgrounds. When I take my boys and see parents barely watching their kids as they text or talk they are sending a clear message to their kids. When their children are teens or older and have no time for them it should come as no surprise.
I also would like to thank you for the reminder:)
I completely agree with everything you’ve said in this post! I often find myself checking my email or Facebook in bed before heading off to sleep – but what could possibly be so important that I end up staying up later than I need? Nothing. I think we often do it unconsciously and out of habit – like sitting in front of the television even though we’re not really watching it! In New Zealand we have only recently had a new law that states we’re not allowed to use phones while driving and I still do it. I’m not sure why, but it has to stop. Thanks for the eye-opener! I’m definitely going to create phone-free zones in my life! PS – love this blog!
I fight the bedroom so hard. My husband plugs his phone to charge in the bedroom and it sometimes buzzes in the middle of the night. It drives me crazy. He also uses his iPad to read, which is a slippery slope to games and work – neither of which are restful. I sadly catch myself reaching for my phone at all kinds of inappropriate times. I’m having to teach myself when my phone should be on and not on. I miss the old rotary phones sometimes.
I agree. I live in a tiny mountain town. Until only a few years ago we didn’t have cell phone reception. We would watch people from out of town panic when they couldn’t get their phones to work. I’m sorry a cell tower was built here even though I now have a cell phone too. I liked it better when we didn’t have to worry about cell phone EMFs. Still, on the long, long highway to get to this remote region, cell phones don’t work. Yes, there are still cell phone free areas within the USA.
Great post. I can think of a few more: Church, meetings, concerts (as in classical music — never hear the phone at a rock or country concert) and while eating.
So very important. Especially the “cars” one!
I say I don’t do it and while reading this I had to admit I do use my phone in the car. This is one of those things I need to put in the stop doing this one category. TODAY.
Mahalo.
Please, please, please add school.
Where I live there is an automatic phone free zone…the mountains create it. Also,
on Mount Desert Island not far from me…Bar Harbor is the largest town on the island…cell phone signals are far and few between. Many of the places the plein air painters go are phone free because of restrictions and nature. It is so wonderful to not hear a phone ring.
One of my major annoyances is people who don’t understand why I don’t carry my cell phone everywhere, including the bathroom. Sigh.
For me, because I tend to fall, the phone is my connection to help, but I don’t see that I need to be a prisoner to it.
Thanks for the reminders of places to stay phone free.
Peace,
Siggi in Downeast Maine
This is so refreshing to read. I live in Korea where most people in Seoul have some kind of distracting device. It’s part of the tech culture but it also contributes to a soul-lessness that exists when folks are mesmerized by what’s in their hand. Very few conversations, little eye contact. Not only does this increase the possibility of accidents, like you say, but it also creates a disconnect that hurts us as humans.
You are so right!
But as a additionally free phone zone I have holidays. Because there you have the same situation as with your child. I only have a half holiday, because I am always with one eyes on my mails from work.
And that is helping noone. Myself was not relaxed and so I come back to work and was not really relaxed to start with new energy!
But I think everyone of your readers has to taste it, to realize it themselves. 😉
Nice and healthy free phone weekend
Matthias
Boy, this hit my hot button! I am old enough to remember a world where everyone in an office used to watch a FAX machine send a message and marvel at how far we had come.
How on earth do people justify their constant phone call taking and making during work hours? I believe it is the biggest source of theft in the workplace today. Yes, theft. If you are receiving a pay check for 20, 30 or 40 hours and spend half of that time on the phone you are stealing money from your employers.
And don’t even get me started about cell phones in school. They should be kept in lockers or placed in a box at the front of the room before class. (I do part time teaching and the kids in my classes know that no one gets to leave their phone out during class time.
Oh, and in case you missed all the recent research and studies being done about multitasking, let me give you the 4-word summary – MULTITASKING IS A MYTH. Or should I say that the productivity that people THINK they are achieving is a myth. Until evolution provides us with a different brain structure and/or capacity, we can only do one thing at a time and do it well. Once you start adding other activities to what you are doing, something suffers. You can do one thing well or several things not so well. Your choice.
My favorite scenario to illustrate this point is parents I see who are somewhere with their children while
hypnotized by their cell phones. The child is usually tugging at their sleeves or trying to talk with them all the while being thoroughly ignored. But I bet that parent chalks up another hour of “quality time” with the kids.
I choose not to have a cell phone. I have a desk phone at work and one at home and that serves me just fine. If I ever am in an emergency situation I’m confident someone with a phone can be found very soon. I do have a very important job as lead engineer in a regulatory role working for a State government but I’m fortunate that I can continue to function very well without the burden of a cell phone.
And can someone please update me on the increased likelihood of getting brain cancer caused by cell phone use. Like most of your other writeups, this was a great post! I thank you for reminding us what really matters most in our lives.
I am totally with you on this – safety issues aside, I don’t like being so connected; I crave quiet and solitude. It is so annoying when people just drop everything to answer that annoying ringtone! My phone stays in the console of my car 24/7, in case I have a car emergency. Otherwise, I don’t use it. I check it daily for messages, and have to charge it about twice a month, but otherwise, it is merely a tool, not a bodily appendage!
As a retail worker, I find it extremely insulting when someone comes up to the counter, throws clothes at me and proceeds to ignore me (walking away to grab one more thing, continuing a phone conversation, texting or checking email, having a conversation and glaring at me when I interrupt).
I try to limit phone use (mostly checking email/internet stuff) to when I’m alone, sitting or standing out of the way and have nothing else I have to focus on. It mostly comes out on breaks at work. I don’t always follow this rule, though, and will try to do better not to walk and text.
I feel about my cell phone the same way I do about my home phone: it is there for convenience, not to run my life. I keep the cell off most of the time; very little in life is SO important that it has to be attended to instantly. I don’t answer either during meals or time with friends or family. I developed these habits after a vacation with my sister who lives far from me. We had a few hours in the car together before we reached our destination, and she spent most of that time on the cell. I asked her to turn it off, but she was (and still is) addicted. We rarely talk on the phone now b/c I won’t talk to her if she’s driving, and she finds car time is her only talk time. Geez, this feels like a therapy session, but I have such hurt and complex feelings over this!
This post is so true. i dislike cell phones so much! i had “downsized” my being on the phone so much just because of these so many reasons you mentioned. it shows no respect to the other person to be constantly on your phone, paying for groceries+texting, walking+texting, having dinner with a friend+checking on your facebook updates, running+talking on the phone! it’s gotten out of control how much time people spend on their phones! Great post!
Great points. It’s amazing where we use our phones. And even as they’re supposed to make us more connected, they take us out of the moment, away from the people we’re with…which is sort of the opposite.
And with smartphones, it’s more than just taking calls — it’s texting, checking email, posting on Facebook and Twitter and all the other social media sites. Do you really have to tweet “At Panera with so-and-so!”? Can’t you just spend time with that person?
This so “rings true” for me and I thank you for writing it so thoughtfully. That is perhaps one of the things I most admire about you and your blog. So, thank you for YOU!!
I am so often amazed, Now that I am living without a 4-wheeled vehicle, save for the cart I take to DO laundry and marketing, at how many people walk and talk, ride their bikes and talk [and smoke], spend the entire bus ride that I share with them yelling into their phones…
BEfore I let go of my car, when I was out walking with my dog I learned to watch out for cars BEcause 99% of the people were talking and driving simultaneously. I have seen near misses where someone is talking and turning and oblivious to people in the crosswalks. I have heard them lean on their horns to hurry or express their agitation with people walking too slowly…
I have a cell phone that I keep on but without ringing or any other sounds BEcause I recently wore out the battery in my watch and decided that I didn’t really NEED a watch anyway. Well, then I let go my car and BEgan using the bus and so I needed to know the time, so it lives quietly in my pocket where I can see the time and then put it back…
There is so much that gets stirred up in me as I think on this topic, as I read your post, and as I read each and every comment prior to mine. I often wonder where “we” are when I see this “in Real Life.” Perhaps I shall keep my eyes open to find those who are enJOYing or at least trying to enJOY the “zones” we share phone-free!!
Thanks for a thought-provoking and wonderful post, Courtney!!
I couldn’t agree more. So many people are so obsessed with their phones. I dropped my smart phone last year and don’t miss it one bit. I have a small text package on my basic phone and usually don’t even come close to maxing that out. It’s so annoying when I’m out with a friend and they can’t stay off their phone – it’s incredibly rude to ignore who you’re with in favor of whoever is texting you. Just because it’s a cell phone doesn’t mean you have to be accessible 24/7. That is what voice mail is for. =)
I so agree with you. Here in Australia it is illegal to drive while using a phone/texting. You can only use a hands-free unit in the car. It is so much safer.
I think Smart phones have made it worse since you can access email/internet on the phone. And games! I was out with a family for and outdoor concert event and the whole time she played a game on her mobile. Even said she was addicted to it, but didn’t have the decency to stop for my families sake. Their kids had their I-pod touches too.
I don’t think people realise how rude it is since they use them so much.
My phone is an old one that I only use for people to contact me or as an emergency. My Husband has a smart phone but he is pretty good about using it. Not addicted.
It’s crazy that this has even become a problem. When I was a kid no one even had cell phones and now we can’t unglue from them. It’s really anohter world. Agree with the thing about using your phone when you’re out with your buddies or when your kids are talking… you won’t get those conversations and moments back (and they’ll awlays remember how you could never give them your full attention), and will you really remember that one email you just had to read?
It bugs me to see people posting pictures of their dinner, etc to facebook while on date night. Enjoy the people you are with and tell me about it when you get home. Enjoy the person you are with!
So true, Jennifer! And isn’t it curious that with so many ‘armchair psychiatrists’ around these days, all the self-help books we buy, etc., no one seems to recognize this as the perfect illustration of narcissistic behavior that poisons so many relationships today?
As a teenager, I really struggle with this in regards to texting. (I hate talking on the phone, so I don’t have a problem with that. I make maybe 3 calls a month). But my biggest issue with it is my friends. If I don’t text back within 5 minutes, they think I’m ignoring them. I tried once explaining to a friend I was hanging out with another friend and that’s why it took me an hour to text back (an unimportant text, an emergency would be different) and they didn’t understand why I didn’t want to text while spending time with my other friend. They got insulted.
In my age group (I’m 16) it’s considered incredibly rude to take more than 5 minutes to text someone back, no matter what you’re doing, even watching movies. I don’t like it, but it’s like no one my age gets it.
Not that that really stops me, though. 🙂
Very important advice here! I was nearly hit by a car whilst walking through a parking lot the other day. Once the driver FINALLY saw me and slammed on breaks, I was able to see into his window and quickly realized he was distracted because he was playing Angry Birds on his phone. I nearly lost it. I’m always saddened and frustrated by the complete disregard people have for other’s safety and time when it comes to their phone usage.