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Grief is the Price We Pay for Love

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Grief is the price we pay for love.

Last week we made the decision to say goodbye to our dog Guinness. Last year he was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, an aggressive form of bone cancer. We amputated his front right leg to give him an expected 3-6 months of pain-free life to hike, and run and play and simply to be loved.

We celebrated when we learned that the cancer hadn’t returned after 3 months, and again after 6. He enjoyed pain-free hikes on his favorite trails, and all the treats and belly rubs a dog could wish for.

The cancer was gone, but we faced a new problem. In being a happy, active dog, his remaining front leg began to break down and eventually couldn’t bear the extra weight. We tried rest, massage, stretching, shorter walks, and pain management, but in the end, it was only fair to say goodbye.

Grief is the price you pay for love.

The saying “Grief is the price we pay for love.” is true, but I can already say in the midst of our payment coming due that it was worth it. Our dog made us better people. The lessons are only starting to unfold, but loving and losing this dog has shown me that my capacity for joy, love, grief, and pain is so much greater than I had thought.

I invite you to consider your capacity for joy, love, grief, and pain. If it were greater than you imagined, would you be more vulnerable, more open to all of it? If you think that might be true, open up. It’s always worth it in the end.

Grief is the price we pay for love.

When we were making the final arrangements, the vet clinic asked if we wanted a commemorative paw print, and through my tears, I smiled. I declined as I thought about the paw prints that are all over my life; on my furniture, my floors, my shoes, the patio and everywhere else. No matter how much I clean, I’ll be finding paw prints for months to come. And when they fade or wash away, those paw prints are all over my heart.

Comments

  2. I’m so sorry Courtney. And I thank you for these words. One of our cats is in a similar predicament. When her time comes I will re-visit this post for comfort and inspiration.

  3. Courtney, so sorry for your loss. I had to make this decision recently and I know how hard it is. I am also so happy that you’ve found a way to look through the sadness to all of the joy Guinness brought you and that you brought him.
    You really got this post right. Though we were sad to say goodbye, we were able to recognize the joy our Merlin brought us, celebrate that we were able to give him a second chance at a good life and be thankful that we had been in a position to give him the best care possible. While it’s hard to say goodbye, all of the joy they bring us makes the pain worthwhile.

  4. Really sorry to hear the sad news. All of your readers almost knew him in some way from your posts.

  5. What a wonderful tribute to Guinness. I too believe we carry those we love and loved in our hearts. We do not need stuff to remember them. Hugs!

  6. Oh Courtney, how sad – and how brave of you to do the right thing for Guiness. I know how you’re feeling having recently said goodbye to my little cat. Remember all the good times and smile – sending hugs x

  7. We had to set our 15 year old chihuahua free in January so I know your pain.
    We’ll always have our memories
    Betty

  9. Tears in my eyes as I write this note to tell you how sorry I am. You were great to Guinness and went above and beyond what most people would do. As I write this post, two very senior dogs, one in diapers, watch me. Our last visit the vet office said. “No one will blame you when you decide.”

  10. I am so sorry, Courtney. I have loved and lost three dogs so far. I still remember each one at different times and have a cry every now and then, missing them. There is something about that non-judgmental, always-with-you-and-for-you bond that just can’t be obtained elsewhere. Guinness lives on in you and your family, as well as with us out here in internet land. Thank you for sharing his tough, beautiful story with us.

  11. So sorry to hear that. And, yes grief is the price we pay for love. But at the end of the day, the love we received and the lessons we learned makes the whole experience worthwhile. Sending you hugs and may you find more joy and love soon.

  12. My condolences on Guiness. I appreciate what you said and am reminded of a video I just saw today, a quote, about living… That we should be “learning to live with your front door unlocked.” <3

    • *And by that, learning to live souls bared, honest, and strip away the BS. Sending love to your family.

  14. My deepest sympathies go out to you in the loss of your beloved fur baby. He is waiting patiently for you at “Rainbow Bridge”.

  16. Courtney,

    My heart aches for you and I am teared up reading your touching post, thank you for sharing your life with us.

    I have a furry child and cannot imagine my life without him. I was with my last pet until her last breath and there is grace and growth in that experience. You, in your amazing writing, captured and expressed that so eloquently. Thank you. You make a difference and touch people.

    I grieve with you and for you. May you find comfort in these tough times.
    Hugs,
    Joni

  17. I love your comment about the paw prints that are all over your life and your heart. I’m going to try to remember this in a few years when are dogs get closer to their time. Thank you.

  19. I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved pet Guinness. My thoughts are with you xx

  20. Courtney, sorry to hear about your loss. Our animal friends are such a big part of our family. Their unconditional love brings so much comfort and joy to our lives that when we lose them there is a huge void. You are right, our dogs (and cats) make us better people. As Alfred Tennyson said, “Tis better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all.”

  21. Thank you for this Courtney. I had to do the same a couple years ago with my kitty cat. I had never had to make the decision to let her go. When the time came, I thought I couldn’t handle making that decision and thought I would let nature take its course. But then her suffering reached a level that I learned I could eventually decide to “let go” and end her suffering prior to nature’s timeline. It was the hardest decision I had to make.

    Your last sentence, “And when they fade or wash away, those paw prints are all over my heart”, made me cry instantly. I feel the same for the pets in my life who have passed. As your title says, grief is the price we pay for love and the price is well worth every day and year we get to spend with our loving pets. I will be more vunerable, but I will try my hardest to also be more open to it all too.

  22. Courtney, what a beautiful tribute to Guiness!! Being a dog lover, and having lost 2 dogs last year, and MANY in my 62 years, I cried many tears over your loss and the loving words you wrote. It always helps the pain knowing you did everything possible to give your dog a wonderful life, as you did. It shows how much you love them when you let them go before they suffer too long.

    I truly believe our dogs will be in heaven to greet us even though this is not specifically stated in the Bible. But, I have that assurance in my heart.

    I can also attest to the fact that the healing from your loss is much easier when you get another dog. I’m sure Guiness would want you heading to the pound for an adoption right away, to give another hopeless dog all the love and attention you gave him!

    Your pictures in the post were so poignant and beautiful!!! I am keeping this post forever!

  23. My heart hurts for you.
    I agree so much about it being worth it. I have been a rescuer/foster mom/transporter and been owned by many animals over the last 10 years and I do not regret giving my heart to any of them despite their short or long time with me. I was a hospice home to several deaf senior dogs that only lived with us a few months, but they packed a lot of love into that few months.
    Prayers for peace for you and I know Guiness is at the bridge waiting to greet you.

  24. I don’t think I’ve posted before but have been enjoying your blog for several months, if I haven’t yet passed the year mark yet. It has always been obvious the love you had for Guinness, and I’m terribly sorry for your loss. It’s certain he knows how loved he was and while that’s hard to consider as more than cold comfort for you, I’m certain it was enough for him to walk (pain free) away with from this life.

  26. I am so sorry. I know he provided you with much, but I also hope you take some comfort in knowing that his life was better too because of what you provided him.

  27. In 63 years, I’ve had to say goodbye to many pets, both dogs and cats, and my heart breaks each time. I’m so sorry for your loss but also am glad that you have so many happy memories.

  28. Ahhh, having more dogs and cats than I can count for 40+ years, as an adult, I hear you. It never seems to get easier. Finding the collar, favorite toy when cleaning out a drawer… They stay with you forever, take comfort in that. Our furry family members make us better humans. Sorry for your heartache…

  29. I am so sorry for your loss Courtney and family. Thank you for sharing Guinness with your readers. Your tribute to him and your writing of the paw prints on your heart is beautiful!

    Many blessings to you!

    Lisa

  30. Thinking of you, Courtney. Thanks for sharing your beautiful deep thoughts and the photos of Guinness with us!

  33. I cried. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been there. It does hurt, but your right. It’s worth the pain for 10 years of memories.

  34. So sorry, Courtney. I have been there an it is not fun. Wish I had had your post to read when it happened to us. Take care.

  35. Sending you virtual hugs and love! My heart feels heavy for you… What a beautiful post to share with us… Thank you for sharing your Guinness! How lucky you were to have each other!

  36. I am so sorry for your loss Courtney of your beloved Guiness. I think we all felt in some small way that we knew him by reading your blogs and seeing the beautiful photos you took of him. As I sit here with my 15 year old senior black lab at my feet I know in my heart his time will come and I cannot imagine life without him. Our animals teach us so much about life and how to enjoy it….always in the moment.

    Thank you for sharing his story – we will all miss him.

  37. So sorry, Courtney. I’ve loved seeing Guiness in your posts all along. Such beautiful portraits of him in this post. Losing your dog is so very hard. Wishing you and your family ease and comfort.

  38. I’m so sorry about your loss, Courtney. What a beautiful tribute to him.
    I’ve had to say goodbye to many pets over the years. Each one has left paw prints on my heart and enriched my life dearly. I love our fur-babies. They age with us and keep us company, each with their own personalities. Some have died naturally and others I’ve had to let go, because of illness and pain. It’s not easy, but it you realize what’s best for them, is not always easiest for you.
    Blessings and comfort in your time of grief.

  40. Your shared love (not unlike his paw prints) is all over this post – what a beautiful tribute to him and your relationship. I’m really sorry for your loss. I know how horrible it is to go through this as we lost our Jen to the same cancer last May and that one cannot really say anything clever or consoling other than he was a lucky guy to have such an amazing family. Wishing you peace.
    xoxo

  41. I know the kind of grief and love and loss you are experiencing. It is difficult but at the same time so gratifying to feel that huge range of human emotion. Be kind to yourself, Guinness would have wanted it that way. xxx

  42. I am so, so sorry for your loss. We lost one of our greyhounds to osteosarcoma last September. We went the amputation route, too, and he made it until about 6 months post-surgery when we found out the cancer had spread to another leg. I’m thinking of you.

  43. Tearfully. I write to you after reading this, to offer my condolences. I know exactly how you feel, and I wholeheartedly believe we don’t need any “things” to remember them. They live on in our hearts forever. Their unconditional love, their unique quirks, that made them all so special, help us to smile and be thankful that they were with us for as long as they were. Hugs to you and your family, and may the spirit of Guiness continue to live on in all of you 🙂

  45. I am so sorry to hear the news. He had a wonderful life and was loved deeply. The joy he brought into your family’s life will live on. Peace to you, your husband and daughter.

  46. I’m so sorry for your loss, Courtney. We had to put down one (fairly young) cat July 5, 2014, because despite test after test, the vet did not know why Storm stopped eating and drinking. We had her put down in our home, and it was so painful to watch, but I’m glad she wasn’t in a vet clinic (she was terrified of being in the car or at the vet’s). We got a little kitten in November and got her fixed December 22, 2014 (so that I could take care of her during the holidays while she was recovering), and heart little heart stopped while coming out of anesthesia. It doesn’t matter if they’ve been with you for two weeks or 20 years — these babies will always have a place in our hearts. Guinness is frolicking pain-free now!

  49. Have never written to you but have followed you and your stories about Guinness for a long time. I felt compelled to write to thank you for all that you did share. Not knowing you or your dog, this news brought me to tears for you. Guinness was lucky to have been loved by you and your family and his gifts will go on for a long time yet to come. For the love of a dog…..

    my condolences.

  50. I’m so sorry for your loss. This makes me sick to my stomach, as we lost our beloved black lab Emmy at a mere three years old due to a sudden-onset illness. I know and am feeling that knot in my gut knowing the pain that you’re living right now. Thank you for being merciful to him and putting his needs before your own. I know he loved you….you are blessed. I’ll be praying for your hearts to grow back, one little paw print at a time. <3

  51. We just lost our beloved golden retriever “son” of 13 years. It was the most painful experience we ever had and it still is. The love we had for him and he had for us were written all over our lives, in photos, in decors, in our stuff. He is truly irreplaceable. I am sorry for your loss, he will live forever in your hearts.

  52. I had to say goodbye to my dear friend and companion 10 years ago.
    He was a beautiful German Shepherd. He was only ten but his back legs would no longer carry him. His loyalty and love made my life richer. It is only now after so much time has passed that I can talk about him with joy and laughter….and just a few tears.
    I will be praying for you.

  55. Thank you for putting in words your emotional experience! Having had this pain before as pets have died, I complete empathy for you.

    As I read, I also related it to my current experience of caring for my elderly mother who is bed-ridden. There are days when I feel like the pain of loving her is too much as I watch her slowly die. I grieve daily, some more days than others. Thank you for giving words to my current journey.

  60. Courtney,
    Thank you for sharing Guinness with your readers. I am so sorry for your pain and grief. You were brave to do what was best for Guinness, twice. Our beloved cat died about 8 years ago now. I still miss her and love her dearly. I hung on to her food and water dishes for years.
    Love and hugs,
    Gail

  62. Your comments on your loss are so true.
    It seems small or silly to some to feel such profound loss of a pet, but after the decline and ultimately the decision to end the life of our beloved Maine Coon, Chubbs, after almost every day of his 16 years on this earth and the only pet our children have ever know, I can tell you the loss, the love, the lessons are profound, painful and will stay with us the rest of our lives. He made us better humans, treating us each differently…sharing his story…he would simply PAT my face to wake me if he needed something, loved to be outside and chase the chipmunks (*he was “deck trained” and only ever left the deck once when scared) and would even lounge in the sun with neighborhood cats…he seemed to be able to get along in any situation. He was BIG and Fuzzy and had more nicknames than lives it turned out and we all cherish each and everyone one of them.
    Blessings to you on the loss of Guinness and may you find peace in your memories!

  63. My heart aches for your family. There is nothing quite like the pain of losing a beloved pet. It sounds like he was well loved and he knew it. Rest in that as you grieve. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

  65. I am so sorry for your loss of Guinness. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through the coming days.

    My first loss of a pet, my first “baby”, a Cocker Spaniel, was a 30 year unresolved grief experience that someone like you recognized and helped me through. I re-posted this on facebook hoping that if there was someone who has lost a pet and was as unprepared as I was dealing with grief, they will find and read your heartfelt words.

    Peace and love,
    Siggi

  66. Oh I’m so sorry for your loss. We have all followed Guinness’s story so our hearts and thoughts are with you. Thank you for taking the time to share an important story with us even while you are grieving.

  67. I’m so sorry Courtney. I know Guinness would have known (and continues to know?) how very loved he was and will always be. It doesn’t make it any easier though, I know. You are strong and wise to be able to look through the tears at this time. Sending hugs to you and your family xo

  68. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is so hard! I believe that the happiness they give us during the brief time they are here makes it all worth it!

  69. You have my most sincere and heartfelt condolences. And I totally know what you mean about leaving paw prints all over your life – they give so much more than they take.

  70. I’m so so sorry. I understand you so much as our darling little beautiful Arwen left us on March 9th due to her heart condition. 12 years 5 months a day and a few hours she was the center of our hearts and lives at home. A family member. How can such a little soul fill one up so much?. It’s true you don’t need any prints as their prints are everywhere. We have bitten furniture from when she was teething, our carpets full of scratches but as you say most of all she has left prints in our lives, hearts and soul which will be there forever. May they rest in peace. All my love from Madrid. XXXXX

  71. Our dogs are family. So thankful God created them. They bring so much joy to us.
    Your photos and words are beautiful.

  73. I am so very sorry for your loss of Guinness. I too am beyond blessed to have many paw prints imprinted on my heart. Each one has made me a better person.

  74. So very sorry for your loss.
    Some people (or pets in this case) come into our lives and quickly go,
    Others stay for awhile and leave footprints (pawprints) on our hearts,
    And we are never, ever the same. -Author Unknown-

  75. I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you made Guinness very happy, and vice versa. You were so luck to have each other in one another’s lives. I hope you can enjoy the lovely memories you created together.

  76. So sorry for your loss. Furry friends leave paw prints on our hearts and make us better people. Love and condolences to you.

  77. I have said goodbye to 7 cats over the years so I have an inkling to the sadness you feel. Guiness was very lucky to have had you as a parent. So sorry for your loss.

  78. Yes, this is so true. I’m sorry to hear of your loss, but grateful to hear of your joy. May we all lean into the joy of life, and experience its rich pleasure, even knowing that at some point it will result in the powerful hurt of loss. The love will still remain.

  80. Courtney, I’m so sorry for your loss. Our pets provide us with such unconditional love. Chin up!

  81. Please accept my condolences at the loss of your beloved Guinness. I have been following you/your blog for several years now and I enjoy your posts immensely. This one made me cry. I’ve been through this twice and it is without a doubt the hardest thing to go through. We had to make the decision both times. In the last three years I’ve rescued 3 senior beagles (one was 14 when we got him). I’ve been asked how I can go through the loss and yet adopt elderly pets knowing more likely than not that I’ll have to go through pain again sooner than later. Your words are the reason. Thank you.

  82. Courtney, I started to cry as I read your post. I just can’t believe Guinness is gone! I’m so sorry for your loss but as a dog lover/owner myself I totally understand that he will always be with your family. Sending you lots of love xo

  84. These loved members of our families wrap themselves tightly around our hearts. I trust that time will ease the pain of this loss, with the memories (and pawprints) remaining. I am so saddened by your loss.

  85. I am so sorry about Guinness. It is never easy to loose a companion no matter how long or short they are in your life. I am glad that you had extra time with him.

  87. Oh Courtney,
    I feel for you and your family.
    There is nothing that compares with the love of a dog. I believe that our pets teach us to love in a deeply vulnerable way. It breaks our hearts…and we our better for it. Peace be with you.

  89. Courtney, I am very sorry for your family’s loss of Guinness. I have been following you for some months now, and this is my first time commenting. Thank you for all you give us, even as you grieve. Please take extra-good care of yourself during this sad time.

  90. Dear Courtney,
    I am so sorry for your loss; a dog is a constant companion and I remember how hard it was after losing my dog, Violet, last April.

    Take good care of yourself and thank you for giving Guinness such a great life!

  91. I’m so sorry about Guiness. This post is very helpful to me as I have lost my dog and two senior cats in the last year. I know it is worth it to have loved them and to open my heart up to love again.

  92. I’m so very sorry about Guinness. My beloved cats and dogs have taught me that I would gladly pay the price of sorrow that comes with their loss many times over but when its time to pay it still hurts dreadfully. Hugs to you and lots of love, Karen

  93. I understand the grief is price we pay for love. My life with dogs. Other people’s dogs. My dogs. It’s the hardest thing when it’s time for them to go. It hurts in the heart no doubt.

    Hugs to you. I do understand.

  94. So sorry for your loss. You gave him a great life and he gave you great joy. It’s an awful thing to lose a pet.

  95. Dear Courtney,
    I am so sorry. I have followed Guinness’s journey and yours and this breaks my heart. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Each time we lose a pet, I say never again. However, the love I receive sharing a life with them, pushes me on, to adopt again and again. The grief is overwhelming, but subsides over time. The joy, however, lives on forever in my memories and in my heart. I hope that this is the same for you.

    Be well and know that he is always at your side.

  96. I’m so sorry for the loss of Guinness. It is very difficult to get to the point of having to make the decision, then the time afterwards is a whole journey in itself. Adjusting. Grieving. Missing. But all under the love that we did what we thought best.

    I had a vet one time, when I had a very sick cat that contracted an extremely rare bacteria, say to me “are you trying to save him for you or for him. What is his quality of life going to be like? What will yours be with dealing with your illness and the cat daily?” That was one tough vet. I didn’t like him much at that moment, but those words came back just a couple years ago when we had to put down our Boxer, Molly. She developed a cancer tumor that grew to be a melon size in 2 wks. They always leave a paw print on the heart and forever in our memory.

    Hugs to you.

  98. Hi Courtney,

    It’s taken me a little bit to write you and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for your loss and I know how painful it is. I respect and admire your clarity and your truth…it is the price we pay for their love. I have been thinking about you and your family. Huge hugs and dog kisses from me and my Charley to you and yours.

  100. Hi Courtney,

    Really sorry to hear of your loss.

    Having lost loved pets myself I know how hard it can be.

    I found the idea of a paw print really poignant.

    And thanks for sharing

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