Even when we choose love over stuff, we still need or want to buy stuff. Owning less doesn’t mean owning nothing, and certain things add value to our lives.

The trick is distinguishing what enriches our lives from what distracts us from living the way we really want to live. After many years of decluttering, downsizing, and living with less, I see how destructive stuff can be. One thing at a time seemed harmless, but when considering a lifetime of purchases, the damage was obvious.

Once we become discerning about what we let into our homes and lives, we can redefine the ways we shop and spend.

We have to stop relying on the answers to the obvious questions like:

• Do I need this?

• Do I want this?

• Can I afford this?

We’ve been asking those questions and ignoring the answers for years. Instead, we make the purchase anyway even if we don’t need it, don’t really want it, and/or can’t afford it. We ignore the answer in favor of a good deal, pressure to measure up, or simply to feel good for a moment.

It’s become a pattern or habit to buy even when it isn’t in our best interest, but the question I am going to recommend asking will disrupt those patterns and habits.

Before you make the next purchase, ask this one question …

Is this love?

If you fall in love while shopping (I love those shoes/that bracelet/these dishes/this car), know this love is different. I’m not talking about the temporary love haze you fall into on a shopping excursion, but the kind of love that lights up your whole life.

Is this love?

Does this contribute to your life in a loving way, or support people you love, work you love, or something in your life you really care about? Does this thing help you live a life you love, or encourage you to be more loving?

Keep coming back to the question.

Is this love?

You may still ignore the answer and make the purchase, but if you keep asking, and keep considering the answer, what you really want will be harder to ignore.

If you really want to understand why you shop and spend, apply this question to some of your prior purchases. When I do that, the answers to “Is this love?” include …

• No, this is me having a bad day.
• No, this is me buying something to get ready for something I’ll probably never start.
• No, this is me distracting myself from something else.
• No, this is me buying something to feel something or prove something.
• No, this is boredom.

Is this love? 

If the answer is no, walk away. If you’re not sure, wait. Love isn’t in a hurry. Usually, just by asking the question, you’ll be reminded of what you do love about your life.

Is this love? 

I’ve started to use this question not only for purchases but other decisions too. When you center your decisions around love, your intentions and actions are infused with love too.

What’s better than that?