Be More with Less

simplicity is love

Say No So You Can Say Yes: mini-mission

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Say no so you can say yes.

If you’ve ever overextended yourself, fallen short and felt completely inadequate, today’s mini-mission will soothe your soul. Maybe you consistently over commit or your to-do list never ends.

While there are definitely circumstances that cause us to be in over our head, typically that drowning feeling is completely self-imposed. For some reason we like to measure our loveliness by how much we get done, as if we are our accomplishments. As if we weren’t good enough already.

That stops with today’s mini-mission. Say no so you can say yes. This is an invitation to say no to the things that don’t really matter so you have time, energy, motivation and passion to say YES to the things you care about.

My friend Heidi was recently offered a book deal. A big, beautiful book deal. It was a great opportunity and something she considered and debated for weeks. Who would say no to that? She did. She said no because she wanted to focus on the part of her work that makes her heart sing. She said no to more money, more publicity, and way more work so she could say yes to her blog and FoodieCrush magazine.

Her decision to say no gave the heart and soul of her business a chance to be brilliant and reminded her about what was most important in her work.

Everyday you have hundreds of chances to say yes or no, and every time you say yes when you want to say no, you cheat yourself and the project, or person you said yes to. I understand that there are certain things in life that you have to do that you’d rather not do, but that’s different from saying yes to everything because you think it makes you better or more attractive, lovable, sexy, happy, (insert your desired feeling here).

How to say no

  • Short and sweet. A lengthy explanation is not required and you don’t have to justify your decision. “This isn’t the right time.” or “I’m not the best person for the project.” is enough.
  • Keep the door open. Remember that no doesn’t mean, “no, never, I hate you and the idea.” it simply means “no, not now.”
  • Be polite. A simple, direct “no thank you.” is often all that you need.
  • Respond quickly. If you need to think about something for too long, the answer is probably no. Trust your gut, respond and move forward without lamenting your decision.
  • Remember the yes. The hardest person to say no to is yourself, especially if you are on give me more autopilot. When you have trouble resisting or saying no to every thing that comes your way, remember how you feel when you say yes to the right things, and people and projects that mean the most to you. When you say yes to what you care about and what you love, it feels so good. The work is more fluid. The time is more fulfilling and you naturally do your best work and offer the best version of you.

Danielle LaPorte reminded me at a recent event that it is more important to be in priority than it is to be in balance. I’ve never believed in balance, but I fully support being in priority.

People will love you for who you are and how you treat them, not because of the check marks on your to-do list. They will love you because you make time for them, not because you are so very busy. Consider that your busyness isn’t only overwhelming for you, but for everyone around you.

Please comment below with I will say no to ____________, so I can say yes to _______________. Your answers will be inspiring to others and to future yes/no decisions.

For more experiments to simplify your life, read Mini-missions for Simplicity. It’s available on the Amazon Kindle store, but you don’t need a Kindle to read it. Kindle books can also be read using the Free Kindle Reader App for your Web Browser, PC, Mac, iPad, iPhone, BlackBerry, or Android.

Comments

  1. use “no thank you”. i’ve found that a lot of people do not seem to hear or comprehend “no”, but get “no thank you.

    by the way i have been anything but balanced. billy

  3. Love, love, LOVE your mini-missions 🙂 Lately, I will say no to doing more activism so I can say yes to healing myself.

    Thanks for this, Courtney. It means a lot!

  4. I will say no to going a day without petting the dogs or getting frustrated at the dogs for doing standard dog stuff so I can say yes to loving them fully (and for the reasons we brought them into our family).

  5. Great article, Courtney (as usual)! A few no/yes statements came to my mind:

    – I will say no to spending huge amounts of time promoting my wardrobe styling business so I can say yes to spending time working on my “Recovering Shopaholic” blog and building that community.

    – I will say no to buying lots of cheap bargains at consignment stores so I can say yes to curating a more minimalist closet filled only with clothes that I love and can’t wait to wear!

    – I will say no to stressing out about how much I have to do and working long hours on the computer each day so I can say yes to spending more quality time with loved ones and taking care of my health (too much time on the computer is not good for my neck, back, or spirit).

    – I will say no to working on the weekends so I can say yes to enjoying the sunshine and the outdoors.

    I’m sure I could come up with many more, but those are the things that came to mind just now. Thanks for getting me to think about these things this morning!

    • I love your no’es and yes’es – I think I am going to steal some and add some of my own to these. I totally agree with your consignment store no – I find myself going overboard at clothing swaps, just because all the clothes I grab there are free. I don’t even bother trying them out sometimes, finding at home that they are too small or big for me. That is definitely not the way of the minimalist. Thanks for the comment.

  6. This is so timely. I just wrote a post about how I must slow down. I’ve declared March our stay at home month, which means we all have to make sacrifices and say no to things.

    I will say no to extra curricular activities so I can say yes to enjoying my children and creating a healthy family life.

  8. I will say no to other peoples standards and expectations and say yes to doing my best. It is like you are a mind reader, knowing when I need your wisdom! LOVE THIS!!! Hugs.

  9. I will say no to more stuff for my daughter that she does not need in the way of toys so I can say yes to a vacation for all of us (by saving money not buying my daughter even more toys).
    I will say no to my husband who wants that computer even though he has more than enough so I can say yes to the things he really needs.
    I will say no to buying yet another purse I dont need so I can say yes to more money in my account and less going out.

  10. I said no to a teaching position at a university which was offered by one of my mentors. I did it so I could say yes to my husband. Yes to the book we wanted to write which now has six chapters and is currently going through revisions!

  11. I said no to staying in a relationship with a man who proved he had no respect for me so I could say yes to growing friendships with people who love and respect me. (He was quite unhappy and called me many ugly names. Sometimes people just don’t take “no” easily or gracefully.)

  13. Great timing with this post, I have been feeling a lot of pressure from myself lately.
    I say no to worrying about what people think about my decisions, and yes to listening to what’s right for me and my family. This is a big task, but it will be worth it.

  15. I will say no to staying up till 2am to watch a movie with my husband so that I can say yes to being the morning person I am.

    I will say no to answering emails and commenting on blogs in the morning so that I can say yes to using that more productive time to write picture books.

    I will say no to adding more items to this list so that I can say yes to concentrating on making the first two a reality.:)

    Thank you, Courtney…you help create a clearer path for all of us!

  17. I will say no to pleasing everyone else, so I can say yes to live the life that I can be truly happy.

  18. Today I said no to further revising my school assignment into A+++ material, so I could say yes to time with my husband.

  19. I will say no to being stressed about not being able to get up early today, so I can look forward to a stress free day and a pleasant walk with my father in the evening.

  21. I will continue to say no to going back for my Masters degree (which I keep getting pressured to do at work). Then I can say yes to helping my husband get his Bachelors degree, helping my kids with their schoolwork at night, and just relaxing with my cat.

  22. Preface your ‘NO’ by saying ‘I understand what you are saying’ before refusing – it helps if people feel empathy.
    Great post thank you for sharing these tips with us.

  23. Great post. It has only been a few years where I have not said “yes” to everything. I almost got used to saying “no” until recently….

    I am about to leave my job, and many people found out. I am so flattered that I have received many job offers over the past few weeks. It has been hard to say NO!!!

    This post could not have come at a better time. Thank you so much!

  24. I said no this week to a four-week job that would have been delightful for me but stressful on my family. Instead, I said yes to working on keeping our family healthy and happy!

  25. For many years, I always said yes to volunteer opportunities. I thought the more I did, the happier I would be. Today, I have learned that saying no helps me set priorities that allow me to be authentically happy.

    I will say no to multitasking, so I can savor and enjoy one task at a time.

    Great post. Thank you!

  27. Great post!
    I said NO this past week to an executive full 12 month position so I could stay with my school district job and have time to do those things that fill my soul!

  28. I said NO to renewing my lease in August so I can say YES to living within my means. [and I gave myself $150 off my rent for March through July INSTEAD OF $0 rent in July so I can stop stressing about ends that don’t meet!! grateful my landlords agreed to my idea which gives me 5 months to figure out how to live for le$$ rent]

  29. I will say no to telling people. How to solve their problems and spend time solving my own!

  30. Courtney et al,

    Thanks for this post and all the comments.

    This year, I have been experimenting with saying no to excessive travel and saying yes to staying at home and concentrating on my friends, family, and songwriting / guitar-playing.

    Thank you all for being so generous,
    Kate

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